Page 81 of The Fear of Falling
I can’t argue without feeling like a liar. I turn to Avery, silently asking her what she wants to do. If she’d rather wait for a ride, we’ll wait. If she wants to stay at my parents’, we’ll do it. But she might never look at me the same if we do.
“Whatever you want, Benson,” she murmurs, pulling her eyebrows together like she can see the fear written all over my face. I can handle seeing my family. What I can’t handle is losing her affection if she sees me through their eyes.
Reaching up, I brush my thumb beneath her eye. “You’re tired.”
She nods. “But I’ll be fine if you’re not ready to see your mom yet.”
I might as well get this over with. “You’d be okay to spend the night?” My mom won’t be satisfied by anything less.
Avery’s smile grows. “Wouldyoube okay?”
If it means I don’t have to endure my family alone? Maybe this is a best case scenario for both of us. “I’ll be fine. If you—”
“Are you coming or not?” Kimball asks, eyebrows low as he looks between us. “The rest of us don’t run on big city time.”
Here goes nothing. “Yeah. We’re coming.”
I cling to Avery’s hand as I shut the hood of her car. Cling to her hand as she grabs her purse and locks the doors. Cling to her as we follow Kimball back to his car. I have to let go so she can sit in the front while I squish into the one seat in the back without a car seat or booster, and I feel like this is symbolic of something, being so far from her as we make the short drive to my parents’ house.
As he drives, Kimball asks about Avery’s business and listens intently as she tells him about her publishing company and how things have been rapidly growing with the popularity of Dani’s book. He keeps looking back at me in the rearview mirror, like he has stuff to say to me but won’t in front of Avery.
I’m gladder than ever that she’s here to soften everything, much as I hate subjecting her to this nightmare.
We pull up in front of the house, and my stomach churns with fear and guilt. I’m suddenly twelve years old again and sitting in the backseat of the sheriff’s cruiser after he caught me digging holes in a neighbor’s field. I’m outside the principal’s office while my teacher complains about my inability to stay in my seat and pay attention to her excruciatingly boring lectures.
It’s been years since I came home without an escape route ready to go, and now I have Avery to look after so I can’t simply run away.
“Can’t stay back there all night,” Kimball says, meeting my eyes in the mirror again.
I scowl at him. “Try me.”
Avery leans around her seat and smiles at me, the warmth of it melting some of the tension from my shoulders. “Let’s go inside, Bens.”
This might be the first time I have truly wanted to say no to her, but I can’t do it. With a groan, I shove the seat forward and open the door, scrambling out onto the driveway. The instant Avery is close, I grab her hand and pull her to a stop.
“Benson,” she says, her brow furrowing. “If you don’t want to—”
“Listen,” I say, keeping my voice low so Kimball can’t hear me. “I didn’t tell my family I’m in town because I have never been good enough for them, and I hate the way that makes me feel. You don’t know what it’s like to be seen as less because your soul has never been able to settle. I can’t…” I shake my head and pull her in close, pressing my forehead to hers as if she might give me the strength to go inside and face my perfect family. “I won’t be able to bear it if you think less of me because of them. Please.”
Avery touches my jaw, and then she leans up and brushes the softest of kisses to my lips. My whole body reacts, blazing withfire and a desperation for more, but she steps away before I can claim another kiss. “I could never think less of you, Benson West,” she whispers, and I desperately want to believe her. “We don’t have to stay. We can call a car and go inside while we wait, or we can wait out here if that makes you more comfortable.”
Growling, I shake my head. If I’m worried about her thinking less of me, I can’t hide on the front porch like a coward. “You need sleep. I’m not making you stay up for hours just because I’m scared of my family.”
I’ve endured a lifetime of my family’s scrutiny and have spent most of my adult life avoiding it, so I know exactly what to expect inside. I can survive a night.
Whether or not Avery’s affection for me will stay intact remains to be seen.
Chapter 28
Benson
“I’mback!”Kimballcallswhen he steps through the front door. I can hear his amusement when he adds, “You’ll never guess who I picked up on the side of the road.”
He is far too entertained by this situation, and if not for Avery holding tight to my hand, I’d probably do something reckless. Whether that something is punching Kimball in the nose or running away, I’m not sure.
Avery’s expression is guarded, which is most likely my fault, and I wish I had time to prepare her better. My mom is endlessly sweet, so I have no worries about her treating Avery poorly. But as soon as she sees me, she’s going to cry or tell me I look scruffy and need a haircut. Probably both because I’m never home enough but I never look appropriate when I am.
Kimball rounds a corner to the kitchen and says, “Brace yourself, Mom,” before stepping aside and making room for us to enter the dining area and all the sweet smells it comes with.
