Page 62 of The Fear of Falling
“Thereareonlythreeboy cousins,” I explain to Benson as I turn onto a side street. “Sadie’s brother, Brody, who is the only grandkid older than me. Chloe’s brother, Gavin. And…”
I’ve been telling him stories about my childhood as we’ve driven from one Little Free Library to the next, and we got on the subject of my extended family when one of the libraries had a book we used to read all the time as a kid. He’s been rereading the text thread when he chatted with my cousins during Riccardo’s reception while I’ve told him more about them, and I can’t decide if he’s enjoying this conversation or not because he’s been so quiet.
Maybe even thoughtful.
I wrinkle my nose and sigh as I name the last of my male cousins. “And Kaden.”
“What’s up with Kaden?” It’s the first thing Benson has said in at least half an hour that wasn’t a grunt or a hum, and I suppose I should thank Kaden for getting the man to talk again. He handsme my phone, but not before I notice he had switched to looking at pictures in my camera roll instead of the text thread.
Pictures of Italy.
While I’d rather comment on where his attention has really been, I don’t want to push my luck. “Aside from Poppy, he’s the baby of the family, the only son of the only son.”
“What’s wrong with sons?”
I turn onto the street with our next library option and scoff. “Absolutely nothing! But Kaden? He’s kind of a terror. When he was a kid, he peed in my favorite pair of UGGs.”
Benson snorts. “UGGs? Seriously? I thought you were cooler than that.”
I whack his arm and then pull to a stop on the curb, shifting the car into park. “It was the 2000s. Of course I had UGGs. But Kaden peed in them, and they were never the same.” I slouch in my seat, losing some of the lightness I’ve been feeling all morning. Whether intentionally or not, Benson is good at making me forget about reality whenever he’s around. “Our Grandma Sue is throwing a party for him this weekend because he graduated from Harvard a few months ago, and it’s been so long since I had time to go to a family function that I need to go.”
“But?”
“But none of my cousins can make it, which means it’s just going to be me and all the adults.”
“And Kaden,” Benson points out with a chuckle.
I groan. “And Kaden.”
“Is he that bad?”
I drop my head against the headrest and sigh. He’s not really the reason I don’t want to go, but I’m not sure Benson will get the real reason. “No one understands why I called off my wedding so close to the day,” I say quietly, “so I’ve been avoiding everyone, but that isn’t helping anything because I’m the oldest granddaughter, and there’s always been that expectation to setan example and be involved.” Not that I’ve always been good at that…
Benson lets out a soft chuckle, shaking his head. “I’m the youngest.” It’s the first time he’s mentioned his family, a subject I tried to steer clear of for fear of spooking him, and I hold my breath, waiting to see if he’ll say any more. “Trust me, it doesn’t matter where you are in the family for expectation to weigh on you.”
I wish he would keep talking because there’s some weight to his comment, but my boldness does not extend to pushing him about topics he actively avoids. Without anything to say, I want to take his hand in a show of solidarity. To offer comfort. To grab on and never let go. But he opens his door and slips out of the car, and I’m pretty sure we’re done with that topic of conversation.
It’s okay. I’m slowly peeling back the layers of Benson West, and if I keep at it, I might find the gooey center of a man who is willing to take a risk. Or maybe I won’t. Maybe Benson will always be afraid of commitment, but at least I’ll know I tried.
That’s all I can do now.
As I get out of the car and follow Benson to this latest library, my jaw slides open. “It’s gorgeous!” I say, almost reverently. The owner took an old London phone booth and turned it into a bookcase, and it’s almost magical seeing all the books stacked behind the glass door. “This is hands down my favorite one so far.”
Benson chuckles, hands in his pockets. “I don’t know if we’ll be able to top this.” But there’s something in his voice, something he isn’t saying, though it’s hard to tell what he might be thinking because his eyes are on the phone booth.
I fold my arms. “But?”
He looks at me out of the corner of his eye. “But there are probably tons of people who come to this one. What if we pickeda smaller library that might not get as much traffic? People don’t get any money from having these libraries, but I’m sure they would love visitors all the same. Get the book circulating a little more, you know?”
“That’s…actually a great idea.”
“Don’t sound so surprised.”
“Too late. The more I learn about you, the more interesting you become.” I grin when he blushes. It is remarkably fun to be the cause of a reaction like that, and now I understand why Benson so shamelessly flirted with me in Florence. I feel powerful and free. “But you’re right. Choosing a smaller library would both bring other libraries in the area some attention, and it would also make the hunt more fun. Hopefully garner some good publicity.”
“My thoughts exactly.”
“In that case, I liked the library before the last one we looked at.”
