“Come on,” she says. “We’ll have to hope Herman isn’t heading to work right now because we’re running out of daylight and don’t have time to waste.”
“It’s only three.”
She ignores me and starts walking down the sidewalk, her steps slow and uncertain and a weariness in the set of her shoulders. She looks the part of an old woman more than ever right now, and it’s my fault.
How do I fix this?
Do I want to fix it? It’s not like my life is conducive to a relationship, especially with someone far away, and I don’t want to always be wondering if June is interested in another guy. Hank or otherwise. It would be easier to give up before I get hurt. Before I hurtherby never being around.
“Mr. Smith!” June calls. She’s gotten farther than I realized and is looking back at me where I stand at the mouth of the alley. She’s too far to read her expression, but her annoyance is clear in her voice. I messed things up when I talked crap about Hank, and I have two choices.
I can keep us at an emotional distance, accepting that this thing between us won’t go anywhere like she said, or I can find the will to be vulnerable and admit how I really feel in the hopes that June and I can keep getting to know each other better even after I leave Colorado.
My head says the chance of a future for us is slim to none, especially after the argument we just had, but my heart? My heart is hopeful, and that’s dangerous. Hope tends to lead to hurt.
“Coming, Mrs. Smith!” I call back to her, and with the way those words slide over my tongue like hot chocolate, I have a feeling my direction has already been chosen for me.
There is no world in which I want to stop calling her that, and that terrifies me.
Chapter Thirteen
June
“Whydidyousaythat?” I whisper the question to myself as I hide in the back of the grocery store while Jonah talks to the owner. Hermanisat work, stocking jars of peanut butter near the checkout, and I thought it would be best to keep my distance. He didn’t notice us walk in, thankfully, but I’m not about to blow our covers by giving him another chance to get a good look at me.
I’ve already made things awkward and tense with Jonah by telling him we don’t have a future, so I don’t want to mess anything else up.
I had hoped I’d fixed my slip up after correcting him about Los Angeles not being my home, but when Jonah started talking bad about Hank, I panicked. His reaction reminded me of my ex, whose abusive behavior began against my friends and family before it was ever directed at me.
I shiver and rub my arms, wishing I had a better place to hide than the freezer section. I really don’t want to compare Jonah to my ex, but his actions earlier didn’t make it easy to do otherwise. And then I went and shot down any potential we may have. I could try to fix that, but I don’t know how. Or if I even should.
“I would give you my sweater,” a soft voice says behind me, “but the costume department had a hard enough time hiding my excellent physique as it was.” Before I can turn to face him, Jonah wraps his arms around me from behind, instantly warming me. “Is this okay?”
Another shiver runs through me, less from the cold than from the overwhelming feeling of safety I get from being back in his arms. I shouldn’t feel safe after an argument like that. I should be on edge, and I am, but with Jonah’s arms around me like this, all I can focus on is his sincerity and protectiveness. Last night, he stood between me and whoever was stalking my house, and I have to remember that side of him.
I lean deeper into his hold and nod. “Thank you.”
We stand in silence for a moment while my anxious thoughts war with the peace settling in my heart. I thought I’d gotten through all the garbage left behind by my last relationship, and it terrifies me how quickly I got scared. What else is Jonah going to do to remind me of my ex?
No. He’s not like that. I need to think about something else. “Are you done talking to Maya already?”
Jonah sighs. “No. Someone from catering came in, and I thought it would be a good idea to keep my distance.” He tucks his chin over my shoulder, our cheeks nearly touching. I both love and hate his nearness. “Hopefully Maya will be so annoyed that she’ll vent to us when it’s our turn.”
“Yourturn.” I wince, reminded of our conversation on the bench outside. “I just mean because I’m avoiding Herman. Not because I don’t want to be with you when you talk to Maya.” His words from the alley repeat in my mind, and I turn in his arms so I’m facing him. “Did you mean what you said?”
He wrinkles his nose and glances around, like he wants to run from my question. “You’ll have to be more specific, but probably. I’m hoping you’re talking about one of the good things I said and not my admission that I’m jealous of a guy who gets groceries from you.” He pauses, suddenly looking nervous. “I…I want more than groceries.”
“That.” I swallow the nerves that bubble up inside me, focusing on the way he holds me so gently. It’s like he’s scared to hold me any tighter, something my ex never even considered. It helps me relax a bit more. “Do you really want to date me?”
Jonah’s eyes jump to something behind me, and then he shuffles us toward the back corner, as far from the front door as we can get. When he speaks, his words are full of hesitation. It’s a strange thing, coming from him, but it’s endearing. “This isn’t the best place for this conversation, but yes. I do want that.”
My nerves double, but I think there’s excitement in there too. Hiding beneath the anxiety. I haven’t been on a date since leaving my ex, and I certainly haven’t thought about committing to anyone. Not until Jonah. But I can’t go through another argument like that one outside. “Hank is my best friend.”
He groans, dropping his head. “I know.”
“That’s not going to change.”
“I don’t expect it to.” He looks up again, his expression sorrowful. “I was an idiot out there.”