Page 67 of Crossing the Brooklyn Briggs
“It’s not stupid. It’s a statewide thing, and the winner gets to do a fellowship with the University of Sun City, remember?”
“That’s great and all, but I still don’t see why—”
“It’s my only chance to get back into research, and he wants me to drop out so he can climb the education ladder. But I need this. James made sure I can’t get hired anywhere because I messed up his project, and I can’t be a teacher forever. I don’t love it. It’s fine, but it’s not…” She drops her head against my shoulder and sighs. “I want to make a difference. Save people from the heartache I went through. What you’re going through right now. But I can’t. I’m never going to be smart enough to—”
“I’m going to stop you right there.” There’s so much to process in what she just said, especially with the whole James bit, but I can’t let her keep talking. She’ll talk herself into a downward spiral, and she’s already so much worse off than I realized. The years have not been kind to Brooklyn Briggs, and it’s a miracle she’s still standing in one piece.
I tuck her hair behind her ear so it doesn’t hide her face, even though I can’t really see her right now. It’s the principle of the thing. “I want you to listen to me, Brooklyn Briggs, and listen closely. You’re going to change the world one day, whether you’re finding the cure to cancer or teaching the kid who figures it out down the road. Whether or not Mark is interested in you has nothing to do with who you are as a person and how much you’re worth because nobody gets to decide your value except you. Do you understand me?”
She takes a shuddering breath but says nothing.
I lean back, tilting her chin up so I can look into her eyes. “Please, Queens. Please believe me.”
She closes her eyes. “I don’t know if I can.”
“Then I’ll find a way to help you believe.” I pull her back in, wishing I could protect her from the world that hasn’t been kind to her.
Honestly, I don’t know how I’m supposed to do that. I’ve never struggled with confidence, and my failed marriage was my own fault. I’ve never had anyone tear me down the way Brooklyn has. How am I supposed to get her to see her worth when all she can see is the muted version of her others have turned her into? How do I get her back to the girl I used to know?
At this point, I’m not sure that version of Brooklyn still exists.
When her breathing grows deeper and more steady, I adjust my hold on her so I can carry her into her room to go to bed.
She grabs my arm. “Will you stay with me? I don’t want to be alone.”
Staying is a bad idea. With the intense jealousy that sprouted as soon as I saw Mark at the door, I can’t pretend that what I feel for Brooklyn is only attraction. I’m falling for her, and falling fast, and spending another night in her basement isn’t going to do me any favors.
“Please?” she whispers, and my heart breaks. Yeah, I’m not even falling at this point. I’m gone for her. Completely.
I pull her closer, wanting to never let go. “Of course I’ll stay.”
I’ll stay forever if she lets me.
Chapter Twenty-One
Brooklyn
October 16
Look, I’m not proud ofthe way I reacted last night, and I’m becoming increasingly aware that my issues run deep enough that I should probably get some help in sorting out my ridiculous propensity for dating scumbags. I wouldn’t be surprised if it had something to do with my dad, who was always pretty awful before he got clean. Still, I’ve always figured the problem was me, not them, when I looked at the common denominator.
Jordan, on the other hand…
My mind wanted to believe what Jordan was saying last night about my worth, even if my heart refused it. He said it with such conviction, and I can’t imagine Jordan would ever lie to me. I do hate that he saw me fall apart after Mark revealed his true intentions, but…
But there’s a part of me—a majority—that isn’t mad about the results of last night’s breakdown.
I’ve never fallen asleep in a man’s arms before, and it might be my favorite place to sleep now. Jordan forced me to change into pajamas, even though the task felt impossible, and he made me a cup of chamomile tea and ordered me to drink every last drop. Then he took me up in his arms and settled on the couch with me until I fell asleep, and I slept more soundly than I have in months.
What does it say about me that I’m clearly dysfunctional without a man to hold me together?
Though my phone buzzes on the coffee table with an alarm—Jordan must have set it last night—he doesn’t stir, which is surprising. I remember him being a light sleeper, just like he said over the weekend. If I ever had to get up in the middle of the night when he was at my stepdad’s house, he was usually reading a book or playing a video game in Houston’s room rather than sleeping. And with how much TV he managed to watch over the weekend, I don’t think he slept much here either.
By some miracle, I turn off the alarm without jostling Jordan or causing my phone to do something disruptive. Then I take a deep breath.
I don’t know how to face Mark today. He thinks I’m on his side, or at the very least considering his suggestion to take my name out of the running. Does he expect me to kiss him at school because suddenly we’re a couple in his mind? I could play along, but I know it won’t last. As soon as one of us gets picked for Teacher of the Year for our school, he won’t have any use for me.
I refuse to let him humiliate me. I went through that with James, and my whole career fell apart because of him. This fellowship is my last chance to get back to the field I am truly passionate about, and I’m done letting people walk all over me.
