Page 87 of How Not to Be A Loser
It was time I bloody well started acting like it.
45
Stop Being a Loser Programme
Day One Hundred and Twenty-One
The first Saturday of the new year, Nathan sent a text, which was absolutely no reason for my heart to skip up and down my ribcage, given that he’d sent it as a group message to everyone in the club:
First pre-triathlon practice run tomorrow. 8K so allow for an extra 30min, depending on how fast you run
What!? How utterly outrageous. The texts pinged back. Didn’t Nathan know these Larks had work to do, ill mothers and young children to take care of, church to attend and spas to relax in? Every woman had a reason why she squeezed an hour’s run right at the start (or, in Bronwyn’s case, the end) of her day. All of us had a lifeful of people and pressures needing our time and energy. Except for me, of course. And Marjory, who sent a short sharp reply reminding us once again to respect our coach, that winning took commitment and if we couldn’t spare an extra thirty minutes on a Sunday morning we might as well give up now. And where would that leave Tate?
There was an hour or two of radio silence while calls were made, schedules adjusted and rotas rearranged. The Larks would be there. By hook or by crook, we women would do what it took. Except, for goodness’ sake, Nathan, please could you give us a bit more notice next time?
Great. An extra thirty minutes. I was the only person not to respond. Say yes, and that meant risking sunrise on a country path with nowhere to hide. Say no, and I was basically saying no to the triathlon, to the campaign.
I could plead a migraine, a stomach bug, a groin injury fifteen minutes into the run.
Nathan knew where I was at with this. The Larks was supposed to be a safe, non-judgemental place. Who was he to decide when and where I faced my next hurdle? Let alone who with. He didn’t even know that I’d spent the past few afternoons scuttling down my front path and back again, daring myself to linger for longer each time at the gate.
He’s your coach, the message from Marjory reminded me.And your friend.
I waited until ten that night. Joey was staying with Sean and I had spent the evening typing out and deleting messages until my thumbs ached. Sick of once again finding myself in this loop of despair and nervous panic, I went and stood in the garden, span around looking at the stars, the treetops and the cat from a few doors down until my skin had cooled off, my nerves stopped jerking about and I typed a momentous, ‘see you then’.
Nathan replied two seconds later. Not a group message, this time.
OK?
Not really. But I’m doing it anyway.
I added on a chicken and a giant lollipop.
He replied with a picture of a lion.
Oh boy.
46
Stop Being a Loser Programme
Day One Hundred and Twenty-Two
Early the following morning, I headed out into the delicious darkness. It was far too cold to hang about waiting for the rest of the Larks at the leisure centre, so I took my favourite detour down Foxglove Lane. The house with enormous windows was completely dark. I thought about Audrey, hoped she was doing okay. Muttered a heartfelt prayer that Graham was genuine, and that if he wasn’t, Audrey would realise it in time to leave the relationship on her own terms rather than be discarded by someone else who thought she wasn’t good enough.
The women who gathered in the car park were half optimistic buzz, pumped on New Year’s resolutions, rejuvenated by the break and eager to take on the extra challenge. The other half were pale-faced, half-assed, comparing notes on how much weight they’d gained and how little they’d moved in the past few weeks.
‘I’m literally running on cheese and chocolate right now, Coach,’ Bronwyn moaned.
‘Are you going to whinge the whole session?’ Selena snapped. ‘Because some of us have come here with a New Year PMA and don’t want to hear about your crap choices.’
‘If that’s a positive mental attitude, then it must have been a ho ho happy Christmas at Selena’s,’ Dani murmured, stretching her quads out beside me.
‘She went to her brother’s,’ Mel said, silver bunches bobbing as she jogged on the spot. ‘Wanted to get away, what with Audrey not being there.’
‘Hmmm. I suppose we can extend a little grace. For now. But at some point that woman has got to learn the art of healthy communication. Otherwise she’ll be spending a lot more than Christmas alone.’
‘And I’m not going to whinge!’ Bronwyn called across to Selena. ‘I’m just prepping Coach that if I collapse halfway round, he’ll need to carry me the rest of the way.’
