Page 107 of Playing for the Hat Trick
I look away, blinking hard, trying to stay upright under the weight of it all.
“I’m not scared,” I lie poorly.
“Sure,” Cam says, sipping her wine like she’s watching a slow-motion trainwreck.
Hailey’s hand slides over mine, where it’s clenched around the counter.
“You’re scared because he makes you feel safe,” she says quietly. “And you don’t know how to trust safe anymore.”
I hate it a little that they’re right. This is entirely true.Just one night, Jason makes me want things I promised myself I’d never want.
Hope.
A future.
And . . . that’s not normal.
“I don’t . . .” My voice cracks again. I swallow it down. Try to find words that don’t make me sound like I’m about two seconds away from crying. “I don’t know how to stay. Anywhere. With anyone. Without waiting for it to blow up.”
Silence falls.
Thick. Heavy.
Not judgmental—just sad.
Cam hops off her stool, walking around the counter until she’s standing in front of me.
“You know what staying is?” she says, tipping my chin up so I have to look at her. “It’s waking up scared every day . . . and still choosing to be part of the best thing that’s happened to you because not having it hurts more than being afraid ever will.”
If anyone knows about that, it’d be her. Cam and Killion dated back in college, and he chose to leave. It seemed easier at the time, but every day he was away from her, he hurt. Those fourteen years were wasted because he led his love life with fear.
Hailey nods, squeezing my hand like she’s trying to will some of her bravery into me.
“It’s not about being fearless,” she says, her voice rough around the edges. “It’s about being brave anyway.”
Valentina smirks, cocking her head like she’s about to drop the truth hammer.
“And honestly? You’ve survived the Crawford men your whole life. Love my man, but let’s not pretend they’re not all emotionally constipated at best and walking red flags at worst.” She sighs, exaggerated and dramatic. “Between your circus of a family and all the crap life’s hurled at you? You didn’t just survive—you built something better out of the wreckage. You lost your career and still figured out who you are. If you can do that, you sure as fuck can survive falling in love.”
A laugh punches out of me, broken and a little too watery to be dignified. Usually, I make pretty good decisions when it comes to my life. But it seems like in the love life department, I’ve been just floundering. More like avoiding it, but it’s because . . . “I don’t know how to be enough,” I mumble. “Not without losing myself in the process.”
“You already are,” Hailey says, fierce and wild-eyed like she’d brawl the whole damn world for me if she had to.
“Trust yourself. You’re not that lost girl anymore,” Val adds.
“Just . . . be you,” Cam chimes in, nudging my foot under the table. “The version of you that doesn’t have to fight every goddamn second just to breathe.”
Val taps my forehead like she’s trying to knock some sense into me.
“And for fuck’s sake, stop overthinking. You’re gonna overanalyze yourself right out of your happy ending.”
I suck in a breath. It wobbles in my chest, but it’s real, like a window cracking open after being sealed shut too long.
“I’m scared,” I admit, voice low, almost ashamed. Like maybe if I say it too loud, it’ll make it more real.
“Good,” Hailey says, smiling through her tears, unapologetic and beautiful in that raw, gutted way only true friends can be. “It means it fucking matters.”
Maybe she’s right.
