Page 84 of Texting, Trouble & Touchdowns

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Olivia: I have another letter from her.

Lucian: Send it . . . let’s see what she has to say now.

[Picture of Sarahsitting in front of Olivia’s laptop, a paw on the keyboard.]

Letter from Sarah (insert British accent while reading):

I attempted to send a message myself.

It read: “assssjkljssssswwwwwwww.”

I believe that’s Vizsla for I love you.

Or possibly kindly present the bacon, posthaste.

Either way, I await your signal. Tail primed. Ears at full alert. Dignity questionable.

Lucian: This is gold. I could just read all the nonsense you pretend my girl is writing.

Olivia: I’m not making shit up. She really tried to do the typing. She thinks I’m just sending you lies, which I’m not. She is indeed awaiting your response.

[Picture of Lucian’s favorite socks.]

Letter from Lucian (read to Sarah in the most Bostonian—and elegant accent you can muster . . . I’ll know if you didn’t, Liv.)

My most brilliant girl,

Your message reached me.

I’ve tattooed it on my heart.

Ssswwwwwwww forever.

Hold strong. Tell Mother to ration the treats wisely.

And please stop chewing Mom’s socks. I hope the trainer has been teaching you new tricks.

Love,

Dad

Olivia: Thank you for the help disciplining the pup.

Lucian: It’s the least I can do while you’re teaching her to read and write. I had no idea my dog will be the first pursuing a degree in creative writing.

Olivia: You’ll just have to find a dog college that will accept her.

Lucian: That’s easy. Her test scores will open all the doors.

Olivia: She might need those opposable thumbs for the door opening.

Lucian: True. But I feel like Sarah’s the type to get into Yale on a full-ride scholarship and still refuse to sit when told.

Olivia: She knows the command. She just doesn’t respect authority.

Lucian: Wonder where she learned that from . . . :thinking: emoji

Olivia: Must be her environment. Some loud, insufferable man is always around corrupting her.

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