Page 31 of It Will Always Be You
Today should have been a celebration. Finding out the gender of our baby was meant to be the start of forever—not the end before it even had a chance.
We should be celebrating our engagement, making plans to go public. Instead, Helen is sobbing in my arms as we scramble to make plans to hide her, to ensure her safety—and that of our unborn child.
Angus just cost me the love of my life and my unborn daughter. I’ll be damned if he lives a peaceful existence after tearing my world out from under my feet.
Watching Donna and Seamus pack Helen’s things into boxes feels like watching my future unravel before my eyes. And when Donna gently pulls Helen away, the heartbreak etched into her face as shecradles her swollen belly will haunt me for the rest of my days.
Angus Graham will pay for this—if it’s the last thing I do.
SUFFERING
Chapter 28
Seventeen years later
“Set up a meeting with Jianyu Li. We need to get this deal on the move. The sooner we get the drugs out of here, the better. How’s finding new girls for Alibi going?” Exhaustion and frustration bleed into my voice. If I thought taking Da’s position would come with more freedom, I was a fucking idiot. I may not have to answer to anyone, but every decision I make now carries consequences more severe than ever. One fuck up could cost us everything, and not a day goes by when that doesn’t weigh heavily on my shoulders.
It's a never-ending cycle of problems. As soon as we get one issue ironed out, something else creeps up. Someone always wants more: more drugs, more guns, more money. You name it, they want it. I can’t even remember the last time I was able to roll up my sleeves and get my hands dirty in the Pit.
From his seat opposite me, Seamus lets out a grunt before responding with an eye roll. “Finding girls is the easy part. They’re practically gagging for the prospect of being under our safety net. The hard part is making sure they’re up to Una’s standards.”
Ciaran’s ex is proving to be a thorn in all of our sides these days. Why he ever gave her the time of day, never mind had a child with her, I’ll never know. She was always an unsufferable bitch at the best of times, never mind now that she can lord their son over him. The only good thing that came out of their marriage was Matt—the kid’s shaping up to follow in his dad’s footsteps with a knack for torture.
“Tell her to remember her fucking place. Any power or control she might have had got halved the minute she filed for divorce. She should be grateful we found her a job after what she did,” I spit. Ciaran might be an unhinged fucker, and I’ll be the first to admit he’s a piece of work, but he gave that woman everything and more, only for her to fuck her guards behind his back and then have the nerve to accuse him of cheating. If it wasn’t for their son, she’d be where she belongs: in the Pit. But alas.
“Roger that.” His dark expression promises retribution.
“What about Owen? Do you think he’s ready?” I shift the subject to something we’ve been dancing around for a few years now. Somehow, the kid’s turned into a bit of a golden retriever, even with everything he’s been privy to or involved in. Considering his role in our hierarchy, it unnerves me. One day, he’ll need to be ready to step into his dad’s shoes, and while I love the kid like my own, I have my doubts. Business is business at the end of the day. We’re only as strong as our weakest member, and no matter who that weak link is, they need to toughen up, or they’ll be cut loose.
“Honestly? I’m not sure. But he knows how important it is. Now that he’s finished his time at St Theresa’s, I’ll get him up to par one way or another,” he reassures me before looking at his watch. “Speaking of which, I should head out. Fiona will have my balls if I make us late.”
“Graduation day already, huh?” I muse. Thinking of my own child never fails to send a pang of longing through me. I should be there, picking her up and celebrating her results and future with her. Holding her and Helen. Taking them out and spoiling them like they deserve. To this day, Seamus and Donna are the only two who know Helenwas pregnant, but even they don’t know the gender. The fact that I have a daughter is a secret I’ve held close to my chest. A secret pride I’ve never let cross my lips.
If we couldn’t be a family, then it only felt right to keep that to myself.
“Feels like only yesterday we dropped him off for the first time,” Seamus reminisces with a fond look on his face before freezing and shooting a guilty look my way. Ignoring it, not wanting to get into this again, I dismiss him before pouring myself a double measure of whiskey. Swirling the amber liquid around, I let my mind wander.
Today is one of those days the missing out hits me even harder, the could’ve, should’ve, and would’ve of everything haunting me even more so than usual. Keeping my girls safe is worth the sacrifice a hundred times over, and I would do it all again if it kept them out of Angus’ reach, despite the heartache. Time has dulled the razor sharp longing into a dull ache buffered by the fact I used my resources to keep tabs on them and make sure they’re looked after. It’s no coincidence Helen stumbled across a house just beside our gated community in her budget, nor is it a coincidence Cora ended up in St Theresa’s surrounded by children of my men. I lived for the updates that would land in my email inbox every Monday, without fail, from my hired security team, even if sifting through the photos of them always felt like a knife to the chest. Knowing even if one day we find our way back to one another, these are moments and years that can never be recreated is a bitter pill to swallow, but I’d do it all over again to keep them safe.
Their safety is paramount – my happiness is not.
Shaking off my dark thoughts and throwing back my drink, I shift my focus to the mountain of issues on my desk. Maybe I should delegate some of this, but keeping busy is the only thing that works to keep my mind focused on the here and now, so I throw myself into it with gusto. I’m in the middle of drafting an email to send to Angus when my phone rings. The fucker wants to encroach on Four Points territory to access a transport route for his latest party drug for free.Not on my fucking watch. If he wants to peddle that shit further afield, he’s going to have to find a different way or cough up a percent.
Seeing the number of the security firm I outsourced to watch over my girls flash across my screen has my gut clenching. With sweaty palms, I hit answer as I shove back from my desk, already on my way to the lift.
“What’s happened?” I growl, dreading the response. Our contract is clear: phone calls are reserved for emergencies only.
“Sir, there’s been an accident.”
My world narrows into a fine point, and white noise fills my ears, blocking out what else he’s saying. Those five words are on repeat in my ears, whittling down to one. One word capable of sending me to my knees. Of ending my world.
Sir, there’s been an accident.
There’s been an accident.
Been an accident.
An accident.
