Page 46 of Evergreen Desires
"Can't head back yet," I mumbled to myself, my voice catching in my throat.
I walked the well-worn path from the barn, past the house to the greenhouse. There was always work to be done in the greenhouse, and I could easily lose a couple of hours there. Especially since Will had taken charge of playingproject manager, I was sure the plants themselves need some care.
I inspected the progress on the repairs. They were almost done. Walking back, I checked the whiteboard on the wall to see what tasks were still pending. As I read the notes and turned to look towards one of the rows, I started harvesting a row for drying.
It was mindless work. Sitting on my rolling farm stool with the soft glow of the few grow lights around, I cut the trunk of each plant close to the soil line and then lay the whole plant in the cart I was pulling behind me. Once the cart was full, I took it over to the drying room and hung the plants upside down from pegs, then headed back to the row to cut more. Rinse and repeat.
It was monotonous, or perhaps, mindlessly methodical, but it didn’t stop my mind from its relentless spiral. At least not until the full fluorescent lights kicked on, jarring me back to reality.
"I knew you would be here. Are you still being a moping ass?" Will asked as he approaches me.
I turned to focus on the plants in front of me. "I'm just trying to harvest these couple of rows so we don't fall behind."
"Don't bullshit a bullshitter."
I was shocked, my head jerking to look him in the eyes. Will could be childish at times, but he typically didn’t use much profanity. I found myself staring at him, dumbfounded.
"Yes, I'm talking to you," he said, his eyes piercing and unflinching.
I opened and closed my mouth a few times, trying to find words.
"Listen, I get that you're scared. A lot has happened. But you don't get to take it out on Jakeorme. You've been a brother to me all my life. You've helped me in my lowest times, and I've helped you. We're in this together, no matter what."
"You're the one who told me to go away earlier," I quipped back.
"Don't." He raised his hand to stop me. "That was a week ago, and it was because you were so short-fused that you were jumping on everyone for every little thing. I figured you needed some time. I thought a day, maybe a night, some more time to run in the groves."
All I could do was look down at the ground. He was right, and I couldn’t argue.
"Now Jake..." Will continued, trailing off.
"Don't. That's not a subject I want."
Will held up his hand again, silencing me. "Listen, I'm not one who will tell you what to do when it comes to relationships. I have nothing really to base it on. BUT, in the last month, I've seen you the happiest I've ever seen you. I've also seen the rollercoaster of emotions, memories, and fear in you. I talked with Dad..."
"Why? He has—"
I got the stop sign again. "I've talked with Dad quite a bit this week. He's worried about you, and you need to call him. However, he said that YOU are fighting a losing battle... you and your beast know what it wants. He said hewas fearful with your mom as well. He also said that if Jake is truly the one, he would be feeling the pull as well. Jake has come to see me every day to make sure you're okay. He loves you and is willing to give you whatever room you need. BUT, you're hurting him as much as you're hurting yourself."
"I can't let him get hurt,” I insisted.
"You can't protect him from everything!" His voice came out sharply. "Just like your dad couldn't save your mom. That's just life. You can't control everything. You know that, despite your control-freak tendencies." His eyes were wide open, and he was looking directly at me. "You found the one. He’s right in there," he said, pointing towards the house. "No one else, just you. I'm glad I found Mateo, and I'm looking forward to building something with him. But how many years did I sneak away to Seattle, Tacoma, or Vancouver on random weekends to find someone? I told myself it was to scratch an itch, but I secretly hoped one of them would be THE ONE. You have one. You havetheone. Right over there." He was shaking me by the shoulders now, his passion evident. "Don't mess this up for us."
"Us?" I asked.
"Well, I like him too. Besides, when you're happy, it just makes everyone's lives easier." He laughed and let go of me, looking at the cart of harvested plants. "Let's get these hung up, and I'll finish out the row tomorrow. Judging by the bags under your eyes, you clearly need some sleep."
At this point, I could only nod. My best friend just delivered a passionate monologue about what I was riskingin pushing Jake away. At one point, I was worried he was really going to physically slap some sense into me. He even called Dad, apparently.
We hung up the plants in silence.
As we walked out of the greenhouse, Will turned and said, "Sleep in tomorrow, you need it. And like I said, don't mess this up." He walked toward the dirt road leading to his cabin before calling over his shoulder: "Also, call Dad tomorrow."
All I could manage in response was a grunt, given the physical and emotional exhaustion that was setting in. The lights in the house were already off, except for a tableside lamp in the living room. Jake had been leaving it on for me since I'd been coming in late, probably to avoid me walking into a totally dark house. He was always thinking of me, leaving on a light, a plate in the microwave with some dinner on it, even a sandwich pre-made in the refrigerator.
As I moved toward the lamp to turn it off, I found myself settling into the recliner. I figured a few minutes of television might distract me from my swirling thoughts and emotions. I picked up the remote control.
CHAPTER 39
