Page 39 of Evergreen Desires
"It's something my grandmother used to make for me. It's my comfort food. Think shepherd's pie, but with tatertots on top instead of mashed potatoes, and a layer of cheese under the tater tots," he explained.
"It sounds interesting and weirdly tasty. I can imagine you need some comfort food after everything that has happened," I replied, trying to steer the conversation away from the tension building in my chest.
"Well, yes, but I'm also thinking you need some comfort food too. I really made it for you," he admitted, looking directly into my eyes. His gaze conveyed calm and trust, but there was also an underlying sense that he wanted to have a deeper conversation. The tightness in my chest intensified.
"You want to talk, don't you?" I finally asked, not wanting to avoid the inevitable.
"Beau, I want to make sure you're okay too. You've been taking care of me, but it's clear you're hurting," he said gently. "I know this crash brought back old memories for you. I'm here for you too."
As we sat down to eat, I focused heavily on my plate, trying to delay the conversation that was bound to come. I took a few quick bites, savoring the delicious food, which surprisingly did bring some comfort.
"Okay, I just need to dive into this," I finally said, taking a deep breath. "Jake, I love you. I knew it the minute I saw you. But it's best for us to call it quits."
The lump in my throat made it hard to speak, but I managed to continue. Jake just stared at me, not showing any particular emotion.
"I love you too," he responded calmly. "I'm glad to hear you say it, but you've always made me feel loved. I'm in this for the long haul. I get that you're scared right now, but I'm not planning to go anywhere. We don’t have to call it quits."
"But that's the problem. I can't promise I can protect you, and being with me puts you in danger. I know they haven't found who ran you off the road, but you won't convince me otherwise that it wasn't related to all this mess," I said, gesturing towards the kitchen window.
Again, Jake remained composed and said firmly, "I'm in this for the long run."
I took a deep, steadying breath. "Jake, I can't and won't make you leave. You can stay as long as you want. I promised that to you early on, and that hasn't changed.”
"You know this is the worst attempt at a breakup ever." Jake chuckled. "I love you, but we're breaking up. You don't need to leave."
I sighed, frustrated. He wasn’t getting it. "Jake, I've always wanted to take your burdens on myself, and I still do. But I don't want any ofmyburdens onyou."
"You’re not a burden, and I'm going in with my eyes wide open," he insisted. “I know what I’m getting myself into.”
"Well, for now, we're going to call it quits. This is for both of our sakes," I said, my voice trembling.
I stood up and walked over to Jake, who stumbled to his feet. I gave him a tight embrace, trying to avoid his injured shoulder the best I could. Then, I gently touched hischin, lifting it upward so he's facing me, and gave him a lingering kiss on his plump pink lips. I wanted to remember this final kiss, even though it felt like I was ripping out my heart.
As I pulled away, I forced myself to take a deep breath and put on a forced smile. "Good night, Jake."
I headed upstairs, closing the bedroom door behind me, trying to hold back the tears that threatened to spill. This was the hardest thing I'd ever done, and I couldn’t help but feel that I was losing a part of myself.
CHAPTER 33
JAKE
Slam.
Oops, damn, that was harder than I wanted. I jumped a bit as the back door slammed shut. I just wanted the door to close a little harder so that he could hear it, not really slam. I wasn’t mad per se, just disappointed that Beau wanted to break this off. Well, at least he was saying that, but truthfully? I had no idea what that was. It was a breakup that really wasn't. It's confusing.
Heading down the path towards the barn, I stopped mid-step about halfway there. Looking around the tree line, I noticed that there are already shadows forming between the tightly packed trees. "Yay, last time that did not really work out for me." I turned around and headed back down the path in the other direction; perhaps being inside the greenhouse, walking up and down the aisles, would be safer. Lord knew that between the interconnected greenhouses, there was plenty of room to mindlessly walk. The added benefit, I wouldn’t need to pay attention to the surroundings, wildlife, or stalkers. I laughed out loud.
I entered the greenhouse, which was dimly lit, as usual. Part of the Bigfoot ‘magic’. No need for lots of excess artificial light and high electric bills. The plants just grew. There were a few hangings lit here and there, but they seemed to be more for appearances, inspections, and such. But it was enough to cast a dim purple hue across the plants.
Digging in my pocket for my wireless headphones, I swiped through my phone to grab a classic alternative rock mix. Something with a drumbeat, interesting vocals, and a bit of nostalgia. Combination of it just made good "block out the world" background music. I turned down the first row and set off for my mindless loops through the greenhouses.
Step by step, I was thinking about the words that Beau had said, and seeing that they didn’t match the tone nor the gestures and actions he was making. He really did not want to end anything with me. We’d humped more than rabbits before the accident, and I knew without a doubt, he enjoyed those escapades. I could only gather that it was a thing he just needed time to process, like Will said.
Coming around the corner at the front of the greenhouse row, I found myself jumping back.
"What the fuck?" a masked man said as I almost ran right into him.
Three figures were staring at me as I ripped the headphones out of one of my ears and froze with panic. I must have lost track of time while walking as I was much closer to the far end of the greenhouse rather than the house where Beau was, I realized as I quickly assessed the situation. They were dressed in black sweat suits and skimasks. One was carrying what looked to be a drawstring laundry bag, but when I noticed the other one carrying a gas can, I knew I was in real trouble.
