Page 86 of Send It
“They’re waiting on us,” he says. “Ryan is riding down with us.”
I limp to the passenger side of the truck and slide in, skipping the offer to drive.
“When can you take that boot off?” Dad asks. “Does it still hurt?”
Shrugging, I pull the seatbelt and buckle myself in. “Yeah. It’s a pretty constant throb at this point. Dr. Marlow says we need to check it again after Nationals are over.”
I don’t really want to lie to him since we are turning over a new leaf in our relationship but if I tell him the truth, I don’t think he’ll pull out of the lot. So a half truth it is.
“Ok,” he says. “Just don’t push yourself too hard. It’s not worth it.”
I stare over at him because he’s never said anything like that to me before.
“Do you miss racing?” I ask, truly wondering if he ever misses the thrill of riding. The fans screaming, the autographs, and the constant traveling, because I’ve never even heard him talk about it.
He shakes his head, “I thought I did for a while. I used to crave being back at the track, the way I felt during those days. But the more I think about it, I don’t think it was racing that I missed.”
“What do you mean?” I ask.
His knuckles turn white as he grips the steering wheel. “When I would travel with your mom I thought I missed racing. I would think back on those days and wish that I could be back, but never once did I picture myself on a dirtbike. I was picturing myself with you and your mom. Never once did I look back and miss the injuries because it comes with plenty of those, I always just missed the way we were. The family we used to be.”
I feel a sob threatening to escape but I push it down, my voice still cracking when I ask, “What happened to us?”
His shoulders slump, “I don’t know. When I got hurt, it seemed like your mom took it as her excuse to finally do what she wanted. I felt like I dragged her around for so many years that the least I could do was follow her around for a change. I just didn’t realize that it meant I was going to abandon my son. And fuck, Colson, I didn’t see it like that for so long. You were taken care of, you had everything you needed, but what you really needed was us to be here. And we haven’t been”
I stare out the window, wondering if my mother feels like he does. If she’s ever once thought about missing me.
I don’t ask about my mom. I don’t ask about the divorce or what happens next. I just stare out the window and promise myself that I’ll never make those mistakes with my family.
43
Lincoln
Reiss and I haven’t talked much since the night in the shop and I have almost completely distanced myself from Colson. If I am going to show out at Nationals, I need to make sure that my head is clear.
I don’t need to worry about my brother or his best friend. Not until I see the checkered flag and finish what I started.
Everyone left this morning and Stassie and I are following behind the convoy in her car. She wanted to drive separately, that way she could have her own wheels in case she needed to go out or do something during the day.
We didn’t ever end up talking about that day at the lake, and she never really opened up about why she was so upset.
“Did you bring enough clothes to last all weekend?” Ichuckle, jamming one of her suitcases with my elbow that is protruding from the back.
“I brought a normal amount of clothes,” she says. “You are the one who didn’t bring enough.”
“It’s camping,” I remind her. “You don’t have to look like a model the entire time.”
I glance over at her, knowing she doesn’t really have to try. So is she trying to impress someone?
“Is something going on with you and Landon Tate?”
“No,” she groans. “Do you and your brother just not talk at all?”
“These past couple of weeks have been weird,” I sigh. “So you aren’t hanging out with Landon?”
“No,” she says. “I cornered Landon and made him tell me the truth about Reiss and Mira. I knew Reiss wasn’t hanging around her for no reason. It just really sucks that he got her knocked up, because she really doesn’t seem like his type. Now he’s stuck with her forever.”
I toss her question back at her, “Do you not talk to my brother at all?”
