Page 86 of Cold Front
Eli was still smiling, still looking like nothing was wrong, but I knew better. I saw the way his fingers curled around the edge of the table, the way he didn’t meet my eyes right away. The shift was subtle, but it was there.
“I shouldn’t have said that,” I admitted, my voice lower than before.
Eli glanced at me then, his expression unreadable. “Said what?”
He was giving me an out. The chance to pretend it hadn’t just happened.
I swallowed hard. “You know what.”
For a beat, he held my gaze. And in that beat, I saw it—the hurt, the disappointment, the thing he wasn’t saying. But then he let out a small chuckle, shaking his head. “Don’t worry about it, Niall. It’s fine.”
It wasn’t fine.
I’d felt closer to him than ever tonight, and now, in the space of a single sentence, I’d created a distance I wasn’t sure how to bridge. And the worst part? I had no idea how to make things better.
CHAPTER31
ELI
Moving around the apartment without making eye contact had become an art. I wasn’t avoiding Niall, not exactly—I still made sure a healthy but tasty breakfast was ready for him by the time he got home from his morning run, still cooked dinner and packed it neatly in the fridge if I wasn’t around. But I wasn’t waiting up for him anymore, and by silent mutual agreement, Niall no longer slept in my room but back in his own.
And I missed him. I missed the weight of him beside me, the way he mumbled in his sleep, and the quiet moments that made everything beautiful. We hadn’t had penetrative sex because I didn’t want to freak him out while I was still giving him time to get used to being with me, so I hadn’t asked for more. But even without that, I missed him.
I wasn’t an asshole. I just couldn’t be around him right now.
It had been a couple of days since the restaurant, since he looked Brady in the eye and said we were roommates. And we were. That was the problem. Wewereroommates, technically, but it was more. At least, it was to me. And I hated myself for expecting anything different. Niall had never promised me a damn thing. Never pretended he was ready for more than stolen moments behind closed doors. I knew that.
Didn’t mean I wasn’t gutted to hear it out loud.
Still, I couldn’t help myself. Every morning, just for a second, I lingered in the kitchen when he got back from his run. Just long enough to catch a glimpse of him—flushed cheeks, long-sleeve shirt clinging to his torso, leggings or running tights outlining those powerful legs. His breathing still a little heavy as he pulled off his beanie, ruffling his damp hair, then tugging off his gloves one by one. He was beautiful, and for a second, I let myself look before I grabbed my bag and slipped out the door to head to my classes or the library or anywhere else but home.
My phone buzzed on the counter. I glanced at it, already smiling, before I unlocked it. Gigi and Asher were at it again, blowing up our group chat with rapid-fire messages.
Asher: Does your silence mean you’re dead? Or have you become a hermit?
Gigi: Maybe he’s finally left us for a better life.
Asher: Rude. He could at least tell us if he’s been recruited by a cult.
Me: Sorry, my Wi-Fi doesn’t reach inside the cave I now live in.
Gigi: Tragic. We lost him to the wilderness.
Asher: It explains why he’s been avoiding us. You’re always around, and now, poof. No Eli. Suspicious.
Me: Maybe I’m just busy.
Gigi: Please. You were busy before, and you still made time to drag us to café and annoy me into loving you.
Asher: And yet now you’re MIA. Suspicious AND rude.
Me: I’m literally responding to you right now.
Gigi: He has a point.
Asher: Ugh, fine. But you’ve been weird lately. I mean, you’re usually sunshine, and now you’re like… sad rain.
Me: Wow, that makes no sense at all.
