Page 92 of Cold Front
Dr. Matthews glanced up when I walked in and gestured to the couch. “You’re early, Niall.”
I hadn’t realized until I got there. I’d been sitting in my car for almost half an hour, staring at the dashboard, telling myself to turn around. To go anywhere else. But my feet had carried me inside, and now here I was.
I dropped onto the couch, elbows on my knees, hands clasped. “I didn’t realize I was early.”
Her chair creaked slightly as she leaned forward. “Something on your mind?”
I almost laughed at how ridiculous that question was. I’d spent years making sure I didn’t think about what was on my mind. Didn’t feel too deeply. Didn’t get too attached. Because attachment meant pain. It meant loss.
I shrugged. “Life’s been… challenging.”
Dr. Matthews smiled slightly, like she could hear everything I wasn’t saying. “Challenging how?”
I defaulted to the easy answer. “School.”
“Tell me about that.”
I exhaled, trying to settle into the session. “I’ve been improving. I’m not failing anything. Stats was still kicking my ass for a while, but…” I trailed off. The name formed on my tongue before I swallowed it back. I’d gotten better because Eli had helped me. Because he’d sat with me, patient when I was frustrated, steady when I wanted to throw my damn textbook across the room.
And now he was gone.
Dr. Matthews tilted her head. “But?”
I shook my head. “Nothing. Just… it’s getting better.”
She let the silence stretch between us, waiting. She always waited. It was one of her skills—one that made it harder to dodge the things I didn’t want to say.
My breath hitched, and I looked away.
She waited patiently until I mustered up the nerve to look her in the face again. “Sounds like someone helped you,” she said eventually, her tone easy but pointed. “A classmate?”
I hesitated. “My… roommate.” The word felt heavy in my mouth.
Dr. Matthews nodded like that was exactly the answer she’d expected. “I didn’t realize you had a roommate.”
I scoffed lightly. “Figured I’d be better off alone?”
She lifted a shoulder. “You’re careful with people. You keep them at arm’s length.”
I didn’t answer.
Her voice softened. “Tell me about him.”
I clenched my jaw, staring at a spot on the floor. “There’s nothing to tell.”
Dr. Matthews didn’t push, not right away. She just studied me in that way she did, like she already had all the pieces of the puzzle, and she was just waiting for me to put them together myself.
“Do you usually get along with your roommates?” Her voice was calm, measured.
I scoffed again. “Haven’t had one since freshman year.”
“And how’s it been, having one again?”
I exhaled, shifting in my seat. “Fine.”
Her brow lifted slightly, like she wasn’t convinced.
I ran a hand over my jaw. “I don’t know,” I muttered. “I guess I got used to him being around.”
