Page 97 of Kiss & Collide
“But what if you make those choices based on another person and it all falls apart?” She’d done that—poured years of her life and all her hard work into someone else and in the end, she’d been left with nothing to show for it.
“What if itdoesn’tfall apart?”
“Italwaysfalls apart.”
“Not always,” Will said, with a shrug. “To answer your earlier question, I didn’t necessarily know Mira was the end of mymanwhoredays, as you put it. I just … wanted her. And then Ionlywanted her. And then I realized my life wouldn’t be the same if she wasn’t in it.”
Violet considered that for a minute. When was the last time she’d wanted someone other than Chase? Not since before Chase. Since he’d come along, she hadn’t so much as glanced at another man. Just now with Zak … that should have been easy. Instead, all she could think of was getting away from him. The only thing she felt was that it all felt wrong.
Leaving a guy behind had never been a problem before. Why now? Why Chase? And for the love of god, how did she makeitstop? When she tried to imagine the next season, the next month, even the next few days, without Chase around, her mind went blank and that awful twisty hollow feeling started up in her chest again.
“Oh, fuck.” She dropped her head and squeezed her eyes shut. “I think I love him.”
Will chuckled.
“This isn’t funny, you bastard,” she growled.
“Sorry, but it kind of is. Violet, listen, this isn’t a bad thing.”
She lifted her head to glare at him. “The hell it’s not. I promised myself I’d never do this again.”
“What? Care about someone?”
“Yes! Because if you care about someone, you’re giving them the power to destroy you. Trust me, I’ve been there. I don’t want to do it again.”
He nodded slowly. “I guess that’s true, but the power can go the other way, too.”
“What do you mean?”
“That power can make you … better, stronger,happier. With Mira …” Will paused and shook his head, a soft, sappy smile on his dopey face. “She makes me better. I make her better. We’re better together than either of us on our own. There’s stuff in my life that I never would have been able to handle without her.”
“Your shit parents?” She’d met Will’s parents once and they were the worst. Puffed up, snobby wankers.
“Them and a whole lot more. With her, I just know I can deal with anything that comes along. And I like to think I do the same for her.”
Violet thought back to last season, and all the bullshit Mira had to weather. “You do.”
He made a good point. The two of them definitely complemented each other. She thought about Chase, that impulsivenessthat made him so good on the track but had left him with a scattershot career, until she’d come along and pulled it all together. That was kind of her thing, right?
But what about her? She’d been so steadfastly single for all this time because she wasn’t about to let another man take from her. But what if someonegaveinstead? Suddenly she remembered what she’d told Ian that night in Vegas, when she’d finally sent him packing. She felt valued now. Chase valued her. He appreciated her insight and her skills. Wasn’t that all she’d ever wanted from Ian? And Chase had been giving it to her from the start.
He’d given her so much more, though. Everything else she’d said to Ian … about being a part of the team, part of something bigger. She’d had that once with Ian and lost it all. Now, without even realizing it, she’d gotten it back with Chase and Pinnacle.
“Listen, Violet,” Will was saying. “Yeah, there’s always a chance that it all goes to hell and you get hurt. But there’s also a chance it doesn’t. And if you really do love him, maybe it’s worth taking that chance. Because when it works out, it’s fucking great. And you pushed him away, and you don’t seem so great right now. So why not?”
“Because I fucked up. Badly. I sent him away and I was kind of mean about it, because … well, I’m me.”
Will waved a hand dismissively. “Chase knows you. He can handle you at your meanest. If he feels the same way about you, you can fix it.”
“What if he doesn’t feel the same way?” It came out almost at a whisper, because it felt like giving voice to the thing she feared the most. Maybe he’d meant what he said.You don’t matter anymore.
“Was he upset when you sent him packing?”
“Yeah, he was upset.”
“Then he cares. You just gotta tell him how you feel.”
She scoffed, because that was literally the hardest thing she could imagine doing. But if she wanted him back, she was going to have to figure out how to do it. And she did. She wanted him back.
