Page 101 of Love Around the Corner
“Yes, Mom, it’s Livie.”
She looked at Livie, and for a second, there was a flash of recognition, of the warmth that had been there before, but it was trapped inside this unwilling shell of her body, like something in a frozen lake, unable to reach the surface.
Livie felt her eyes prick with tears, and she reached for Janet’s free hand. Her withered fingers clutched helplessly at Livie’s. “It’s so good to see you, Janet,” she whispered. Then she forced herself to talk, about anything and everything—the approaching holidays, the weather—anything except what was really important. She didn’t mention school again, or the Skylight grant, or their research, or Professor Langley. Because it no longer mattered, at least to Janet. That was all part of her past. This was her life now, and it would be for as long as she lived. Everything else was now Livie’s problem to solve.
When her eyes began to drift closed, Andy tapped Livie on the shoulder. “We’re going to let you rest, Mom.”
Livie gave her hand one last squeeze before setting it gently back on the blanket. Then she followed Andy outside. He closed the door behind them. They stood in silence for a moment, Livie stunned, Andy exhausted and sad.
“Come downstairs and have a cup of coffee,” he said eventually.
Ten minutes later, they were sitting at the cluttered dining room table, Livie’s hands curled around a cup of coffee she couldn’t bring herself to drink.
“I came to see if she was ready to wade into some departmental stuff that’s been happening. But I can see that’s not going to happen.”
Andy looked up with tired eyes. “What’s going on?”
Livie gave him a brief rundown of the situation—how she hadn’t been able to move forward on Janet’s research without her there to sign off on major proposals and purchases. She also told him about Langley being made Acting Chair in Janet’s absence, and her suspicions that he was somehow skimming from her grant money.
“That fucking Langley,” Andy said. “He’s always been such a dick.”
“Agreed.”
Andy was quiet for a moment, thinking. Then he sat back in his chair and reached up under his glasses to rub his bloodshot eyes. “She’s not coming back, Livie.”
She swallowed thickly. Her throat felt raw with unshed tears. “I’ve pretty much figured that out.”
He looked so tired and grief-stricken, and suddenly Livie felt unbearably selfish. “I’m sorry, Andy. None of that stuff at school is important. Her health is all that matters now.”
Andy smiled sadly. “Her work was the most important thing in her life. I can’t tell how much she remembers, but if she remembers that black hole research, then it’s killing her that she can’t follow through on it now.”
“I know. It’s killing me, too. It’s not fair.”
Andy sat forward, folding his hands together on the table. “Livie, you should know, she thought the world of you.”
Livie’s eyes burned as she fought back tears. Janet was alive upstairs, but it felt like they were sharing condolences at her funeral. “It’s nice to hear that. Thanks.”
“I didn’t tell you to make you feel better. You know how much this research meant to her. She was so excited when you decided to come to Adams, because she wanted you to work on it with her. Livie, it shouldn’t just die. Dad and I have been discussing it and we’re in full agreement. We want you to take her research and move forward with it. We’d thought you could do it at Adams, but it doesn’t seem like Langley’s going to let that happen. So use it to get yourself into a new program. Take the work she’s done and run with it. We’ll give you our full endorsement on Mom’s behalf. With her work, any program in the country would want you. MIT, McArthur.”
The two programs she’d turned down to stay in Brooklyn, to go to Adams and work with Janet.
In a flash of clarity, of miserable self-awareness, Nick’s words from their fight came back to her. She’d chosen Adams for Janet, it was true. But he wasright—she’d also chosen it out of fear. All this time, she’d been convincing herself that she was getting what she wanted, when really, she was just settling for what was safe. She was passing up amazing opportunities because the prospect of change of any kind terrified her. She was such a coward.
All her life, she’d been erecting invisible barricades for herself out of fear. And if she didn’t figure out a way to break through them, then Janet’s research would die here with her. Livie’s future would wither and die, too.
“What if she improves and wants to be a part of it later?”
“That’s not going to happen. We’ll be lucky if she ever gets out of that bed again. And between you and me? Langley’s going to torpedo that research any way he can, because it was Mom’s. He’s always resented her.”
The enormity of what Andy was suggesting finally began to sink in. He wanted her to take Janet’s research to another school and carry on without her. Suddenly it felt hard to breathe.
“But the grant money. It was hers. It was for the work.”
He shook his head. “I can’t help you there. It’s up to Skylight if they’ll let you keep her grant. But I can tell you one thing. If Langley’s figured out a way to tap into it, he’ll make sure you never see a dime for this project as long as you’re at Adams and under his thumb.”
Livie knew he was right. Langley would block the research at every turn. He’d make sure she never had a chance.
“Mom would want you to move on without her, Livie. The work was always the most important thing to her, not this departmental political bullshit. Take her work and finish it. Make a name for yourself. You’re the only one who can. It would make her so proud.”
