Page 95 of Love and the Laws of Motion
“When my husband left me,” Teresa continued, “I thought my life was over.There didn’t seem any reason to get out of bed, or even to keep breathing.But I had to.My mother was sick.So I got up.I kept breathing.I kept getting out of bed.And one day, it hurt a little less.And then a little less the day after that.Then I met your father again, and I realized somewhere along the way, I’d gotten over him.It happened when I wasn’t even looking, when I was trying to get through all those days, one after the other.It’ll happen for you, too, honey.”
Her tenderness, her kindness, finally punctured the fragile membrane that had been holding Livie’s misery at bay.She opened her mouth to breathe and instead she wailed, an ugly, inhuman sound.Teresa didn’t flinch away.She only tightened her grip on Livie, raising one hand to stroke her hair out of her face.
“Eventually isn’t right now, though,” Teresa said quietly.“And right now, it’s really going to hurt, sweetheart.I’m sorry.”
Livie let Teresa fold her into her warm embrace and she let the hurt come.It rushed in like a tidal wave and nearly drowned her.It was only Teresa, holding on tight and refusing to let go, that kept her head above water.
Chapter Thirty-Seven
It was nearly noon when Livie woke the next day.Not surprising, as she hadn’t slept all night, alternately staring into the darkness like a zombie, or breaking down into fresh onslaughts of tears.Sometime near dawn, she’d drifted into restless sleep, and when she opened her eyes to her bedroom, awash in midday sunshine, she felt gritty and utterly wrung out.
She sat up in bed and took stock.
Nick was gone, and he wasn’t coming back because she’d told him not to.Her tender, aching heart—the part that had broken apart over and over all night long—wanted to reach out to him, to tell him she was wrong.Come back.She’d take him, however she could have him.
But during that long, dark night she’d endured, some other part of Livie had been awoken.And that part was absolutely sure she’d done the right thing.She was tired of performing this delicate balancing act between friendship and love, terrified of tipping too far over the line and scaring him away.If he was so easily scared, let him go.
Actually, in the harsh light of a spent morning, Livie found herself tired of a lot of things about her life.What the hell had she been doing for the past several months?Being with Nick had been the only bright spot.When she assessed everything else...Well, her life was a fucking mess.
Her mentor, the woman she’d constructed her entire academic career around, was sidelined.She’d spent an entire semester spinning her wheels fruitlessly, accomplishing absolutely nothing.And her PhD was being systematically sabotaged by thatasshole, Langley, while she’d stood by anxiously wringing her hands and doing nothing.She was ashamed of herself.
On the nightstand next to her bed, her phone buzzed with a text.Hesitantly, she picked it up, half-hopeful and half-dreading who it might be from and what it might say.It wasn’t Nick, though.It was from Teresa.
How are you doing this morning?
How bizarre that it had been Teresa, of all people, who’d held her hand through that miserable time last night—Teresa, who she’d seen before this as an outsider, an interloper who could never truly understand the Romano family.But last night, she’d understood perfectly, and she’d said exactly the right things.Another thing Livie had been wrong about, another person she’d been pushing away for no good reason.
She typed out a response.
Better.Ready to move on.
Not entirely true, but wasn’t that what Teresa told her last night?Get out of bed.Keep living your life.Eventually, it would get easier.
Good girl.Call me if you want to talk.
Livie read the text over.Actually, she might call Teresa.Teresa would understand.
Thanks.
Anytime, Livie.
If she stopped to think about Nick, it hurt so bad she couldn’t breathe.Teresa promised her it would get better if she kept moving forward, and that’s what she was going to do.Each day further into the future would be a day further away from this day, when her heart was in pieces.She was done with this day.
Lying in bed feeling sorry for herself wasn’t going to get her anywhere.Her life was a mess and she needed to do something about it, Nick and her broken heart be damned.
Scrambling out of bed, she marched to the bathroom to clean up.After splashing some water on her face, she grabbed a towel and straightened up to dry off.
Who was that girl looking back at her?She was the exact same Livie Romano from the family portraits downstairs, the same Livie Romano she’d been all her life.Why did she look like such a stranger?
Because inside, she was no longer the same.These past few months had changed her, and as much as losing Nick had hurt—was still hurting—she wouldn’t have taken them back for the world.She was smarter, wiser.And yet, here she was, exactly as she’d been at thirteen, with her stupid curtain of hair, hiding in her father’s hand-me-down flannel shirts.
It was time, Livie resolved, to grow the fuck up.
But first, she had work to do.
Janet was still out for the foreseeable future, but that didn’t mean there was nothing she could do.She and Nick had nearly finished the Hubble program.The application for time on Hubble was nearly done, too.She’d put off actually finishing it, hoping Janet would come back soon to put her own stamp on the work.Why couldn’t she finish it up and submit it herself?She could claim time on Hubble and record the black hole data for Janet herself.She understood what they were doing as well as Janet did.What was she waiting for?
Twisting her ridiculous rope of hair into a knot on her head, she headed back to her room, sat down at her desk, and got to it.
