Page 85 of Just Like This
My father’s khaki pants and polo shirts—his daily uniform—were hung in neat rows. I started pulling them down and carried them into my bedroom. I grabbed the few suits he had and set them on top of the growing pile on my bed. That part was easy; these clothes held no sentimental attachment for me. When I reached his collection of concert T-shirts, I set them aside. Those we would keep. I rifled through them until I found a very faded Coldplay T-shirt. That had been my first concert; he’d surprised me with tickets because he knew how much I loved the group. I removed the long-sleeved T-shirt I was wearing and slipped the tee on over my head. It was big and hung down to my thighs, but it didn’t matter because it provided me with some kind of invisible strength to continue.
There was a small safe tucked away in the closet, and it was easy enough to guess the combination; my parents’ wedding anniversary. The door swung open, and I held my breath as I waited to see what was inside. I pulled out a small box and gently lifted the lid. There were a few ancient looking coins and tarnished silver dollars nestled inside. I set it aside and pulled out a second small box that was labeled “Cami.” My fingers fumbled as I freed the top. Inside was a plain platinum band large enough for a man and a second ring with a large opal surrounded by diamonds. I examined each one carefully; they weren’t mentioned in his will, and he’d never told me about these items. I had no idea where they came from or to whom they belonged. I set the box aside so that I could ask Valerie. I continued to remove the contents of the safe, mostly pictures of my parents when they were younger and a few love letters that I didn’t dare read. My hand knocked against another box, and I when I pulled it out, Valerie’s name was scrawled across the lid. I set it aside so that she could open it herself.
I took the pile of newly discovered items into the kitchen and set them on the counter before grabbing a box of trash bags and returning to the bedroom. I bagged up all of the clothing I had set on the bed and lined them up in the hallway. The contents of his dresser had all been boxed up when we moved his bedroom furniture to storage, so there wasn’t much more left to do. As I placed the last bag of clothing against the wall, I stared at the door that led to his office. That room would have to wait. I couldn’t do it alone.
By the time Valerie arrived home, I had accomplished quite a bit. “Hey,” she said, greeting me. Her arms were laden with bags full of Chinese takeout that smelled heavenly. “You made breakfast, so I brought home dinner.”
“Thanks,” I told her, reaching into the bag and pulling out a carton of what I hoped was vegetable lo mein.
“What’s this?” She used her fork to point toward the small pile on the kitchen counter
I shrugged and stuffed a forkful of noodles in my mouth. She started rifling through the items and looked up in surprise when she saw the box with her name on it. “I found all of that in Dad’s closet. He had a safe, and this was inside it.”
Valerie opened the box with her name on it and pulled out a single ring. It was a thick gold band with a large square amethyst set on top. “Oh! I know what this is,” she declared, slipping the ring onto her forefinger. “This is Grandma’s ring. She used to wear it every day.”
“Really?” I studied the ring, unsure why I didn’t recognize it. I slid the box with my name on it across to her and instructed her to open it.
Valerie pulled out the ring with the opal, and her brow furrowed with concentration. She took the ring and walked into the family room. There was a wall of family photos, and Valerie studied one closely. “I think this is Great-grandma Camille’s ring.” She beckoned me over, and I squinted at the picture of my namesake. It was hard to tell, but the ring quite possibly belonged to her.
“What about the other ring? It’s a man’s ring.”
“That looks almost new. Maybe he bought it recently?” It didn’t make any sense, but then again, sometimes my father did the strangest things.
“But the rings weren’t in his will. Why wouldn’t he tell us about them sooner?”
“Maybe he thought he had more time?”More time, I thought to myself with a heavy sigh. What I wouldn’t give to have just a little bit more time with him. And with Garrett.
Over dinner, Valerie and I discussed what do with the envelope of money and the random collection of coins. Palmer arrived just as we were cleaning up the leftovers.
“I wanted to check on you,” he said as he hugged me tightly.
“I’m fine. It was a rough day because I cleaned out some of Dad’s stuff, but I’m okay.” I told him about my discoveries in the safe, and he offered to take the bags of clothing with him and drop them off for donation.
“I went to the base today,” he said cautiously.
“Did something happen? Do you have news?” It was hard to contain the eagerness in my voice as my hopes soared sky-high.
Palmer closed his eyes and shook his head. “I’m sorry. They couldn’t tell me anything.”
My excitement plummeted, and I sagged against the kitchen chair. “Thank you for going there and asking.”
Palmer reached across the table and covered his hand with mine. “They’ll find him. I’m sure of it.”
“What if they don’t find him?” My voice was quiet and trembled. It was the one possibility I didn’t want to acknowledge.
“Then I’ll be here for you, just as I promised,” Palmer assured me.
“What would I do without you?”
“You’ll never have to find out.”
Palmer left and then Valerie went to bed, which left me alone in a quiet house. I looked out across the driveway at the dark guest house. Since my visit to Hammond Winery, I had been haunted almost daily by my memories of Garrett. He appeared quickly and then disappeared just as fast. The moments when I saw him were little slices of heaven, but they kept me in a perpetual hell. I craved these encounters but feared them too. With a sharp breath, I gathered up my things and headed over to the guest house.
I turned on the lights and waited for him. When he didn’t come, I took the pill that turned my brain off and helped me sleep.
The next morning, I waited for him again. My eyes searched for him around every corner, but he never came. When I slipped into bed the next night, I didn’t know whether to feel relief or heartache. Heartache won out. I curled into a tiny ball and let the hole in my chest completely consume me. Tears streamed endlessly down my cheeks until I could taste their saltiness on my lips.
“Where are you?” I cried out, practically begging for imaginary Garrett to return even for just the briefest moment. “Why did you leave?”
Despite my pleas, he didn’t return. It was time to once again turn off my brain and find some peace. My hands trembled as I reached for the bottle on my bedside table and opened it. Pills rattled out of the bottle and into my palm. My vision was blurry with tears, and I had no idea how many had tumbled out; I just took them with a swallow of water.
“Come back to me,” I whispered my prayer just as blackness consumed me, taking me deep into its abyss where it refused to let me go.
TO BE CONTINUED . . .
