Page 23 of Cowboy Crush
14
JAMESON
Ihave no idea what I’m doing. All I know is that I’m pissed off, and I’m not in the mood to pretend I’m not. I have no control over the things that come out of my mouth even though I know I’m only hurting her a little more every time I talk. She tells me she wants to leave, and I don’t blame her. I wouldn’t want to be here with me either. We walk out to the truck, and she goes around to the passenger side. She always slides in from my side, and the fact that she doesn’t this time only adds to my anger.
We both climb into the truck, and I twist the key and stomp on the throttle to rev the engine. It’s loud, and it rumbles. She doesn’t even look at me, though. She stares straight ahead with her arms crossed over her chest. I start toward the mountain, and I can’t keep my eyes from moving from the road, to her, and back. She’s absolutely gorgeous in that dress. She’s done her hair and makeup perfectly, put on a dress she knew I loved her in, and now all her efforts are wasted. That isn’t her only efforts I’ve wasted, though. Getting involved with me was a huge waste of her summer. I’m sure a hundred guys in town would’ve been more than happy to start something up with her, knowing it was going to end the way it is. They wouldn’t be treating her like shit right now either. They’d be too busy making sure they got to bury themselves inside her one last time.
That thought makes my anger skyrocket, but it also makes my body come alive from thinking about being inside her again. Most of the summer we’ve spent connected. How am I supposed to be okay with never feeling that again?
Neither of us talks on the ride back to her place. When I pull into the drive, she takes a deep breath and turns to look at me. “I know you hate me now, but can I at least get a goodbye kiss?” she asks.
My heart cracks as I turn to look at her. Her eyes are filled with tears, and knowing that I put them there kills me. I reach for her, pulling her onto my lap as my mouth finds hers. My tongue isn’t greedy in seeking out what it desperately wants. My arms wrap around her waist while she wraps hers around my neck. The fluff of her dress is getting in my way, and I’m rough as I slide my hands up beneath the skirt, finding her wet and needy center. She moans into my mouth when I slip my fingers down the front of her panties and push two deep inside her.
Using my free hand, I reach around her and beneath the seat, where I feel the lever that will slide the seat back and give us more room. I push with my feet, and the seat goes rolling back. She leans back, her back resting on the steering wheel as my fingers continue to move inside her. I watch every expression on her face change as I unzip the back of her dress. The thin straps fall from her shoulders, revealing her bare breasts. I lean forward and capture one of her nipples with my mouth.
Her hips begin to grind against my hand, and her fingers knock the hat off my head and lace into my hair. She tugs me closer. “More,” she breathes out. “I need more.”
I remove my hand from her and rip her panties off, tossing them into the seat next to me. Then I lift my hips and free myself from my jeans by pushing them down to my knees. My hands take her hips and direct her onto my aching dick. She lowers herself until I have nothing left to give. She breathes a sigh of relief as her eyes open and find mine.
My hands ball her dress up around her waist as I lift her up and pull her back down on me. Each time, I go a little harder, a little faster. I won’t let myself come. Not until I’ve watched her fall over the edge of the world without me, just like she’s about to do in my eyes. Right now, the two of us are standing on the edge of a cliff, and the only way to New York is down. She has everything she needs to make the jump and land on her own two feet. I, however, am not prepared for such a leap of faith, which means she’s going without me.
Her brows pull together as her mouth opens with a loud moan. Her nails dig into my shoulders as her muscles tighten around me. Her breathing grows labored, and her moans fill the cab of the truck. Before my very eyes, I watch her take the fall, and it’s breathtaking. Once she’s gone limp, I move her faster on my dick until I explode, filling her with every drop. My toes go numb, and I can’t breathe, move, or think.
She falls forward, hugging me as we both go still. It takes us both a few minutes before either of us thinks to move. “That’s better,” she breathes out as she pulls back and offers me a smile.
I agree, it’s better, but there’s nothing to smile about. The sex didn’t fix my mood. It only made it worse because now, I can’t stop thinking of never experiencing this with her again. “I’m glad I could be of service to you this summer,” I tell her, lifting her up and setting her gently beside me as I pull my jeans back into position.
When I say that, she gasps.
I take a deep breath and hang my head. I’m a dick. She knows this. She may have forgotten it over these last several weeks, but at one point, she knew it. She shouldn’t be surprised.
“I can’t believe this is how you want to end things.” She shakes her head. “After everything?” I hear the hurt in her voice. It causes my throat to grow thick with tears.
“Really? After everything? After all the time we’ve spent together? After all the secrets we’ve shared?”
I can’t stop myself. I know I need to. The only thing I can think of is that I love her, and this hurts. I need to stop the pain. I’ve had enough in my lifetime. The only way I’ve felt to stop the pain from hurting is by replacing it with anger instead. “After everything, Hannah? After what? You act like we had some sort of deep connection? The only connection we’ve had is when I’ve been balls deep inside you. Don’t act like this was something it wasn’t. You told me not to fall in love with you, remember? Well, I didn’t, and now you want to act hurt?”
Tears well up in her eyes and fall over the brims, rolling down her cheeks. She shakes her head. “I can’t believe you’re doing this. I’m glad I’m leaving tomorrow. I never want to see you again.” She climbs out of the truck and slams the door. That slam is the final crack my heart can take before it shatters into pieces.
As I watch her run to the door, tears build in my own eyes. I wipe them away with anger, take a deep breath, and shift into reverse.
I’mat work the following morning, and I can’t help but take my anger out on the hay bales as I throw them from the loft in the barn down to the ground. Kaden walks in and nearly gets hit with one.
“Whoa, man!” he yells.
I have another in my hands that I’m preparing to toss, but I’m able to stop myself. It falls to my feet. “Sorry. I didn’t see you there.”
“What in the hell is wrong with you? Someone could get hurt getting hit with one of those! What if I was Abby?”
I fall into a sitting position on the hay I just dropped. I hang my head, upset with the thought of hurting his wife. “I…I don’t know what I would’ve done. I’m sorry. I wasn’t thinking.”
“Come down here,” he orders.
I get up and walk down the wooden steps. I fall onto another hay bale. My head hangs forward as I rest my elbows on my knees.
“What in the hell is your problem?”
“What do you mean?” I’m stupid enough to ask.
