Page 29 of Pretend to be Mine
Ben
Ihave so much I want to say to Savannah, but it never feels like the right moment. We’re finally home and I feel like I’m running out of time, but then she hits me with “thanks for pretending,” and I don’t know what to do. I let her walk away.
It’s been a long weekend. We’re both tired and slightly hungover. Maybe we both just need a little time to relax and reflect. I’m sure she’s freaking out over the fact that we slept together, but honestly, I’m not freaking out at all. Every moment of it was perfect and I couldn’t have asked for a better woman than Savannah at this point in my life. She’s already given so many more good times than I thought I’d ever have after Tracy.
But now is the most important time. How do we handle this? Do we pretend it never happened? Do we sit down and talk about it like mature adults? Do we stay friends or become something more? Would I do it again? Hell yes! I’d drop my pants right now if she called. Does that mean that I want more with her? I don’t know.
I decide to take a shower and a nap, just to reset after our trip. When I wake, I make a frozen pizza and eat on the couch while I watch a game. I think about inviting Savannah over, but then remind myself that we both need a little time alone. We’ve been together all weekend. We need to think and figure things out.
Sleep finds me easy that night, and when I wake up for work the next morning, I feel well-rested and full of energy. I get ready for work and leave the house to find that Savannah’s already gone for the day. I check my watch. I’m on time, so she must have left early. Is she trying to avoid me?
I shrug it off and head to the office. By the time I get home, it’s just past five and her car still isn’t in the driveway. I head inside to unpack and kill some time. I keep my eyes on the window, wanting to see when she gets home so I can go out and talk to her, invite her over for dinner or a game, but her headlights never flash through my window. I end up making some frozen chicken nuggets and fries and eating alone.
A week passes in about the same fashion. She’s almost always gone. When she is home, I don’t catch her in time, and she turns the lights out, so I don’t go over. I’m getting worried, but more than anything, I miss her. I miss her goofiness. I miss our talks. I miss having someone to hang out with. Mostly though, I miss the way we feel together. From day one, there never was an awkward moment between us. Now, that’sallthere is. This has to be addressed soon. But how?
I can’t keep staying away from her and I won’t let her keep avoiding me. I’ve come to realize that she’s too important to me. The only rule was not to fall in love, and I couldn’t even do that. I know this hole in my stomach is because I’ve lost her. I don’t know if I’m ready to give this whole love thing a try again, but it seems to have found me anyway. I can run from it all I want, but it won’t let up. No matter where I go or what I do, it’ll be there staring me in the face.
All week, Savannah works late. She comes home and turns off all the lights, but by Friday, I’m not accepting her subtle little hints.
With nothing to do but wait, I walk over to her house and drop down on my knees in front of her flower beds that line the porch. I start pulling at the weeds. I know I won the bet and technically I don’t have to tend to her flowers, but I need a reason to see her, to tell her everything on my mind. I finish with one side of the house and I rip my shirt over my head as I move to the other. I’m halfway through the second side and I’m covered in dirt and sweat when I hear her car pull up behind me. I glance over my shoulder to make sure it’s her. It is.
I stand up and Savannah steps out of the car with a smile. “What are you doing?”
“Tending to your flower beds,” I reply.
“I see that, but…why?” She pushes her purse strap higher up her shoulder.
“I needed an excuse to see you, talk to you. Where have you been? It’s been a week since we got back, and I haven’t seen you once. You’re going to work early, you’re staying let, you’re keeping your shades drawn.”
“It’s been crazy at work. I have four houses in the process of being sold. It’s been a lot of paperwork. And as for the shades, I bought them months ago, but they’ve been on backorder and just came in. You still could’ve come over,” she says, crossing her arms over her chest.
“Well, I didn’t know that. I thought you were avoiding me. Why haven’t you called or come by?” I pick up my shirt from the ground and use it to wipe the dirt from my hands.
“I didn’t know if you wanted me to,” she says as lets her arms fall down to her sides. “Things went off the rails on our trip and we didn’t talk about it. I didn’t know how to go about it or how you were feeling. I just wanted to give you time to figure stuff out.”
“I’ve had time,” I reply, stepping toward her. “I admit, I was thrown off by the whole thing. I was confused and feeling guilty, but this week without you has taught me one thing and one thing only.”
Savannah nods. “What’s that?” Her eyes fall to the ground like I’m about to break some tough news.
“That I don’t ever want to go that long without you again.”
Her head jerks up and her eyes find mine. Her brows are drawn together in confusion. “What?”
I nod. “I know the number one rule was do not fall in love.” I laugh and shake my head. “Only one rule, and I broke it.”
She wets her lips. “You did?”
“I fell in love with you without even realizing it. It didn’t hit me until I couldn’t figure out why I was so miserable this last week. It was you. I love you, Savannah, and I’m sorry it took me this long to realize it, but I’m not sorry for loving you. I’m not sorry for breaking that rule.” I reach out and grab her hips, pulling her against my chest where our lips meet. Her soft lips part for me and grant me entrance to her mouth where our tongues dance together. She tastes like sweetness, and her lips are soft but hungry as they move with my own.
My hands move up to cup her cheeks and deepen the kiss and her hands land on my chest, nails biting into my skin. I slow the kiss and pull away, the tip of my nose touching hers. “Tell me what you’re thinking.”
She slightly shakes her head. “I…I’m so surprised. This is all so fast.”
“Do you love me, Savannah?” I ask, pressing a tender kiss to her jaw, working my way to her ear.
“Yes,” she breathes out, and within a second, my mouth is back on hers.
“Tell me,” I say against her lips.
