Page 76 of Valentine's Daddy To Go
“Did you sleep in your jeans?” I ask with confusion. He looks down and half smiles.
“I guess I did. I fell asleep without meaning to, so I never changed.” I look at his side of the bed, and it looks undisturbed.
“But where did you sleep?”
“On the chair,” he motions with his head.
I blink.
“Why? This is your bed.”
He nods.
“I thought you might not want such an intimidating presence in the bed after what Brian did to you yesterday.” I bite my bottom lip, feeling like absolute shit. He’s so thoughtful and generous, and I feel like I’ve given him nothing.
Nothing worthwhile anyway.
“You’re not like my brother. Your presence could never make me feel unsafe.Never, you hear?”
I look down at the bed, a tear falling. Nash tilts my head up by lifting my chin with his finger. He wipes away the tears that have started.
“You were right about everything,” I say in a broken voice. “Brian is a drug addict and a thief. He admitted to everything. He wasn’t even remorseful.”
Nash looks at me with understanding.
“I didn’t want to be right, sweetheart, but sometimes we have to face the truth about the people we love.”
“I know,” I tense my shoulders. “I’ve been protecting him from consequences for so long that he thought there were none, so he got more and more reckless. I’m not going to blame myself for the path he chose, but I shouldn’t have been so quick to clean up his messes in the past.”
Another tear escapes my eyes, and I quickly wipe it away.
“He needs to take whatever punishment is coming his way,” Nash soothes. “For once in his life, Brian is going to have to be an adult without your help, Nellie. You’ve done everything you can, and then some.”
Nash is right. It’s the only way. I can’t keep protecting my brother at the expense of myself or his wife. And the people who deserve to be protected the most are his daughters. If Brian doesn’t grow up now, they’ll be the ones who suffer the most.
Nash pulls me into his arms, and I rest my head against his chest. He’s warm and solid, and his hold feels like the safest place in the world.
“You shouldn’t be so hard on yourself, honey. You only did what you thought was best.” He strokes my hair, and it actually makes me feel a little better.
“I know, but it’s hard not to assign any blame to myself. I failed my brother, and I’m all that he has.”
“You were just a kid yourself when you had to start taking care of him, Nell. I think you got so used to being his big sister, that you lost sight of who exactly it was you were protecting. He’s not a little boy anymore, and you can’t shield him from his mistakes.”
I blink back tears as Nash perfectly encapsulates it all.
“Your brother has to learn his lessons and take his lumps. He’s a grown man who made his choices. He decided to try crystal meth, to cook it, to steal, to be a bad husband, and a bad father. No onemadehim do any of those things.”
“I know, but –”
“It’s not your fault, Nellie. I need you to understand that.” I start to cry because Nash is right. What Brian did wasn’t my fault, but still, there are things I could have avoided as well.
“It’s my fault for being so blind. I should have realized sooner. I should have been more discerning. I let the fact that Brian is family cloud so much of my good judgment. He walked all over me with his lies, and I ate them all up because I just wanted my little brother to be successful and happy.”
Nash nods, but I continue.
“I thought I had to do a whole bunch of growing up fast, but so did Brian. The only problem is I didn’t let him. I let myself take on all of his responsibilities, and why? I guess I wanted to preserve who he was after our parents’ death. If one of us could remain the same, I thought it should have been him. But that’s not how life works. We have to grow and mature in order to become the best versions of ourselves.”
Nash strokes my back.
