Page 114 of Seasoned
“Those are the kids available for adoption in the county.” She set the food and drinks on the coffee table.
“Oh.” He frowned and looked at her. “Why are you looking at them? Somebody you know adopting?”
Now or never.
“I am. The day Kendrick came by my store, I talked to my caseworker and he told me the good news—that I’ve been approved to adopt a child, and I immediately started looking at potential children.”
“Wait a minute, you want to adopt? We’ve entered the grandparent stage of life, baby. Are you serious?”
“Yes, I am.”
The half-smile died on his face. “I had no idea you wanted kids.Now?” Perplexed, his brows knitted together.
She understood his reaction. She’d received a similar reaction from almost everyone she told about her desire. They couldn’t understand why a fifty-five-year-old woman wanted to become a single mother.
“I don’t have a lot of regrets in my life, but not having children is one of them. I want to be a mother.”
Tyson glanced at the screen again, the frown deepening on his brow. “So you’re looking for a baby?”
Jackie shook her head. “Initially, I thought a toddler, but after learning that so many older kids remained in the system because most people want babies or toddlers, I decided to adopt a slightly older child. A girl.”
Tyson stood and smoothed a hand over the back of his bald head. Confusion continued to overshadow his face. “This is a lot to take in, Jackie, because I didn’t have an inkling you wanted to be a mother. I mean, I know you love kids, but…do you have any idea what you’re getting yourself into? Children are a huge responsibility.”
“Believe me, I know. I have friends who have children, I have godchildren and nieces and nephews who have children. Not to mention part of the screening process for adoption includes an evaluation to make sure I’m able to care for a child both financially and emotionally,andI took an eight-week class on child-rearing for adoptive parents. This is not a decision I entered into lightly. I thought about it for years before filling out the application and going through a process that took months before I finally got approved.”
“I don’t know what to say.”
“You don’t have to say anything. This is my decision.”
“Last week we were talking about being together. I put up my condo for sale. I’m moving here, to be with you.”
“I had no idea you’d done that. I never asked you to do that.”
“It was a surprise. I told you I want to move here and want a future with you—marriage, traveling—like you said you wanted. Children have never come up in our conversations and were never…in the plans. ”
“Two months ago,youweren’t in my plans. But I want to have a child, and that’s not going to change because you say you want to be with me now.”
His jaw flexed. “This is crazy.”
“Why is it crazy? Why can’t I have a child now?” Jackie demanded.
“I’ve already had my kids, and I fucked up being a parent. I definitely wouldn’t want to put another child through that. And at my age, I don’t see myself being a daddy again. Grandpa for sure, but daddy?” He shook his head, shoulders dropping a fraction.
“This isn’t about you, Tyson!”
“How is it not about me? Haven’t we been talking about a future together?” He glared at her.
Jackie calmed her voice. “Yes, we have. But now you know, that future includes a child. This is what I want, what I crave. Can you understand that?”
“No, I can’t.”
His voice sounded tired and his eyes filled with sadness. Her heart broke. She had suspected they’d have difficulty navigating this part of their relationship, but he didn’t seem likely to budge. Reflecting on his comments the night of their first date, she’d known to expect this type of reaction from him, yet she’d hoped for a different result.
When she told me she was pregnant, I was devastated.
“Baby, I love you. You know I do, but my parenting days are behind me.”
“We can figure this out.”
