Page 37 of Seasoned
Gazing out at the water, Clive said, “Not true. After my injury, I gave up on school because I couldn’t hack it.”
“You know I think you made a mistake then, too. Just tell her, man.”
Clive shook his head. “And deal with her disdain when she finds out that I can’t read? Deal with the disdain that I’ve had to deal with from people like Margaret’s father? No thanks. Renee is an intelligent, accomplished woman. I already knew that when she and I got involved, but the night of the literary event made me fully understand her level of intelligence. Listening to her talk to those people about topics that I knew nothing about… I didn’t belong there with them.”
“BS. You belonged there because she invited you. She wanted you there. Tell her the truth—tell her everything.”
Clive remained quiet, listening to the sounds of the water and the conversations of the other anglers around them. His gaze landed on his granddaughter—adorable in denim shorts, a unicorn T-shirt, and a wide-brimmed hat to protect her from the sun. So happy to be by his side. No judgment. She simply admired him.
But not once had he been able to read her a bedtime story. He hadn’t been able to read them to Chelsea, either. He could barely read the invoices that he gave customers when he owned his own business.
Margaret used to handle all the paperwork. How could he explain to Renee that the reason he dissolved his business—the job that he loved—was because of his lack of ability to read? He could make out words here and there, stumbling through if he used phonetic pronunciation. But he was functionally illiterate.
“Do me a favor,” Jayson said.
“What?”
“At least look into the adult literacy classes I told you about. Those folks are patient and will help you.”
“I don’t know… I tried before and it was hard as hell.”
“That’s when you were with Margaret, and you gave up because she was alive and able to do everything for you. Now you’ve got Chelsea, but how much longer do you think she’ll be there? At some point, she’s going to get her own place and move out with Margie. Then you’ll be alone.”
Of course he knew Jayson spoke the truth. Eventually he wouldn’t have the crutch of another person to help him. The night Renee sent the text, he waited until he arrived at home so Chelsea could help him send a reply.
“I’ll think about it,” he said.
He’d missed out on opportunities over the years because of his limitation, such as opportunities that would have afforded him the chance to grow his business. Something had to change. If he didn’t make the effort now, he’d miss out on other opportunities, including one that was about to slip through his fingers.
Finding love again.
Renee sat quietlyin Adelaide’s sunny den on the sofa, appreciative when her friend brought over a cup of coffee and set it on the table in front of her.
“I can’t believe he still hasn’t called,” Adelaide said, settling beside her.
Adelaide was in full Mama Bear mode, which was why Renee was glad she’d come to see her. She needed her friend’s soothing voice and calming words to get her through the rest of the week. The past few days had been difficult. Not a peep out of Clive, though she’d spotted him a couple of times through her office window as he drove out of the subdivision.
A perpetual numbness took over her body, and she remained stunned and confused. What happened? What could she have done differently? But he would have to reach out, not her.
“Maybe I shouldn’t have pushed him to attend the reading with me. He told me he didn’t want to go.”
“Don’t do that. You had every right to expect the man you’re involved with to attend an event with you. If he can’t make small concessions, then he won’t be able to make big concessions. Relationships involve compromise, otherwise why bother? You’ll always be bumping heads.”
“You’re right. I’m just trying to make sense of what happened.” Renee sipped the coffee.
“Did you actually break up, or are the two of you simply not speaking to each other?”
“I have no idea.” Renee shrugged.
“I know you really care about Clive and this situation is upsetting, but you’re a great woman. You’re a strong woman.”
“No.” Renee’s voice cracked and she couldn’t speak for several seconds. When she spoke again, she appealed to Adelaide with tear-filled eyes. “I don’t want to be strong. Why can’t I feel weak and vulnerable and tired? Do you know what I want? I want to be liked. I want to be loved. Why can’t I find a man to love me?”
Three failed marriages. Over and done. A new relationship that she thought—hoped—was going in the right direction, over. The common denominator: Renee. There was no one to blame but her, and she didn’t know what she’d done wrong, so she couldn’t fix the issue. Her heart ached for Clive—with his rough edges and macho attitude, tattoos, a pickup truck, and worn jeans. None of those things had appealed to her before, until he came along.
Adelaide took her right hand in both of hers. “You’re a generous spirit, and they don’t know what to do with a woman like you.”
Renee wiped a tear from her cheek. “Or maybe they don’t want a woman like me. Independent. Outspoken. Accomplished. I intimidate them.”
