Page 53 of Marriage Bargain with His Innocent
‘And that’s agoodthing?’ Georgina asked gruffly. ‘Matias, you’ve always struck me as someone who likes novelty. Even when we embarked on...on the physical side of things, I got the impression that I was...a novelty...a change from your usual type of woman...’
‘I deserve that.’ He met her gaze evenly and then shook his head with regret. ‘My priorities were cemented when I was too young to question them. My parents lived from one day to the next. I hated that...’
His voice was halting as he began to explore emotional territory he had always been loath to cover. He raked his fingers through his hair and realised that they weren’t quite as steady as he might have hoped. The weird thing, he thought, was that sheknewall of this—either by inference or because he had told her in some way, shape or form during the time they had spent together. And yet tension was snaking through him, strangling his vocal cords and blurring his thoughts.
‘I don’t suppose they ever gave it a moment’s thought, but their lifestyle made me realise that the one and only thing I wanted from life was security. Financial security. I’d watched as they bounced from one scheme to another. I stopped focusing on the fact that they were perfectly happy doing that. I stopped focusing on the fact that their choices didn’t impede on their responsibility as parents. I only saw...’
Georgina reached out and impulsively rested her hand on his, barely registering that he didn’t remove it, that he covered it with his own.
‘I suppose,’ Matias said pensively, ‘that going to boarding school conferred innumerable advantages upon me, but there were also warnings there that I was too young to interpret. I was an impressionable adolescent, and my parents’ hippy lifestyle suffered in contrast to the well-ordered lifestyles of the well-heeled kids I was suddenly having to live with. I didn’t envy what they had, but bit by bit I knew, whatever their private lives might have been, that financial security was something thatprotectedthem—like varnish on wood. By the time I left that school my ambitions were in place. And there was no room in that agenda for relationships.’
‘So you enjoyed women for a while and then...then you moved on...?’
‘Something like that.’ He smiled crookedly—a heartbreaking smile that made her jaw tighten. ‘But I’m straying off-topic here. I... I think I might need something stronger than coffee.’
‘I have some red wine...’ Georgina began, standing, but he wouldn’t release her hand.
‘Maybe not. Georgie, let’s sit somewhere more comfortable.’ He indicated the sofa in the sitting room of the open-plan apartment. ‘Maybe I need to say what I need to say without the help of alcohol but not in an upright metal chair.’
‘Am I going to like what I hear?’
‘Depends on what you want to hear.’
‘I’ll withhold judgement until I’ve listened to what you have to say.’
But she knew that she was losing perspective. He was so...so much a piece of her...so spellbinding...just so beautiful... And right now he was as open as she had ever seen him, and that, in itself, riveted her attention and made her heart beat so fast that she wanted to pass out.
‘When you walked through the door of my house that very first time it felt natural. I guess I should start with that. Though it was something that hardly registered with me then. Your scheme was crazy. It was also the most generous thing anyone could have done. Generous and impulsive. I turned you away because I was accustomed to being the one in control, and then, when I did decide to go along with your charade...’
‘Your first idea was to get me to dress the part.’
Georgina gave him a tentative smile. She had given up trying to work out where this was leading. It was honest, and that was the main thing. She would deal with wherever it ended up when it got there.
‘I couldn’t resist you,’ Matias said simply. ‘Somewhere along the line, on some level I didn’t consciously understand, I accepted that a change of wardrobe had nothing to do with the level of sexual pull you had over me. I don’t think there was a single minute I didn’t look at you without wanting to touch you. You have no idea what a big deal it was for me to make love to you that first time... You trusted me enough to gift me with your virginity and that wasn’t just a big deal to you. It was a big deal to me too, even if I didn’t appreciate just how big at the time. Didn’t appreciate,’ he tacked on roughly, ‘just how privileged I was.’
Georgina tensed, reluctant to talk about it. She didn’t want her emotional vulnerability paraded. She looked around her at the trappings of independence.Thiswas the woman she was now, she told herself. She couldn’t afford to succumb to the temptation of what he was saying.
‘But you still got scared when I mentioned that I might want to see what London held for me,’ she reminded him tautly.
‘I reacted predictably.’ Matias was honest. ‘Everything seemed to coalesce in my head all at once. The fake engagement...the trappings of domesticity that had somehow taken over, bit by bit...the situation that suddenly felt like the sort of slippery slope downwards I had always avoided.’
Hot colour stung her cheeks. ‘I never meant to try and trap you,’ she said stiffly.
‘But you had anyway.’
‘How so, Matias...?’
She was determined not to wear her heart on her sleeve—not for a second time—but she knew that her voice was betraying that good intention.
‘Somehow I’d managed to drift into a pattern of behaviour...commuting to and from London, coming down to Cornwall, taking my jacket off and slinging somewhere, accepting that you would do what you always did and pick it up, hang it up. And...’
He gave her a crooked smile.
‘And tell me that I had more money than sense. I’m not sure when I started to accept that level of easy, cosy familiarity without automatically railing against it. I just know that something sparked inside me. Maybe it was the way I noticed you looking at that engagement ring, as though it was the real thing... Maybe it was when it struck me that Ilikedit—that Ilikedreturning to your side, lookedforwardto seeing you...touching you...holding you...talkingto you... But suddenly... I don’t know...the shutters slammed down. Old habits die hard. I’d become so accustomed to assuming that love was something other people did that I reacted instinctively. I had to break off the engagement, had to escape, and I told myself that it was for the best.’
‘You looked forward to seeing me? Talking to me?’
‘You’d managed to tame me, and I couldn’t even work out when it had happened. I just knew that it scared the living daylights out of me, and the only way I could cope with that realisation was to run away from it as fast as I could.’
