Page 33 of The Heart Of A Real Woman
“What you mean, baby?”
“The rhythm. When it doesn’t match mine anymore… that’s when I know. That’s how I know you dying inside.”
I heard him swallow hard as I breathed in the scent of his cologne.
“And how many times you felt that?” He asked, voice low.
“Three. When you told me you were homeless, the day the doctor told us why I couldn’t get pregnant, and this morning at the intersection. That’s why I came with you.”
He didn’t say a word. Just leaned in and kissed my forehead, holding me like this second chance was everything he ever prayed for. Cradling my thick ass like a baby in his lap,and God, it felt so damn good. All bullshit aside, I missed my husband.
∞∞∞
Moses
“While you were gone, I did a lot of thinking… a lot of reading up on shit. I came across something that said if you can’t handle the weight, you should just leave instead of disrespecting the person you love. And I get that, but I don’t.
‘Cause leaving you ain’t no option for me. I can’t even fathom that shit. I done risked my life a hundred times in these streets… just to fuck around and die from a broken heart behind you. So, I don’t know…” I told Mary, gently rubbing her thigh.
We had been sitting there for an hour, her on my lap, gazing out at the water. We didn’t care to move, and honestly, I didn’t want to until we talked. It was time for that uncomfortable conversation. No matter how much it made us squirm, it needed to happen.
“Did you care about her…love her?” She asked.
“Hell nah, baby.” I stopped whatever thoughts were brewing in her head. “If I’m being real, I was using Shorty. The conversation was good… the attention was nice. That’s all it was. Music, talks, and vibes whenever we linked up.”
“Since when does your stubborn ass care so much about attention… opening up to people?” She asked, side-eyeing me. “It took me forever to break down your damn walls.”
I looked at her, realizing she really didn’t know the impact she had on me.
“Since you walked into my life and showed me what that shit felt like. I ain’t never had love. Ain’t never had nobody pour into me like you did. Growing up, it was cold… empty. You gave me something real. And when you pulled that away, it fucked me up. Had me spiraling.”
I shrugged and took a slow sip of my Hennessy. “That’s my truth.”
Mary tore her eyes away from me and stared out at the water. I could see it all over her. She was conflicted. She didn’t know whether to believe my black ass or change her mind about coming home and keep fighting for this divorce. I knew I had to earn that trust back.
“I’m not going through this cheating bullshit with you, Moses. I ain’t the one. I know I played my part in how things fell apart, and I’m sorry for that. I should’ve gotten help or opened up to you sooner so you could understand what I was going through. But I didn’t deserve what you did, and I damn sure won’t accept it. Because no matter what, I would’ve never done that to you.”
“I know, baby. I promise you it won’t ever happen again.”
“Okay.”
There was a pause, just long enough for me to gather what I needed to ask next.
“Can you promise me something too, though?”
“Promise you what?”
“Promise me that when your days feel heavy… when the world feels like it’s closing in, you’ll open up to me. Talk to me, no matter how uncomfortable it gets. Don’t shut me out, Mary. Let me in.”
“I promise you.”
We stared at each other, locked in silence until my phone started ringing, cutting through the moment. I picked it up from the table and couldn’t help but chuckle when I saw the screen. It was my son calling.
“Sup, son? You been good to Maria?” I asked him, referring to his nanny.
“Man, where’s mama at? I’ve been calling her. You said you were bringing her home.”
“Excuse you, lil nigga. A hello would be nice and answer my question.” I shot back, eyeing his little ass through the screen. He had the nerve to have his bird chest poked out like he was running shit.
