Page 7 of The Heart Of A Real Woman
“Fuck,” I thought, knowing she would leave before I arrived back up there.
∞∞∞
Marilyn
The sun had just started to dip behind the fence, offering a soft orange glow over the backyard. The air smelled like fresh-cut grass and whatever my mama had cooked for dinner, but I wasn’t hungry. I was heartbroken. The bad bitch with the slick mouth and a gun? She was long gone. In this moment, I was as fragile as they come.
I had just come from Jr.’s football practice, and the second I hugged my baby goodbye and caught a whiff of his cologne, I lost it. He wore the same scent as his father. I made sure of that. Every time I bought for Moses, I picked up one for him too. They were my heart in human form.
My cousin, Katrina, sat across from me with her legs curled under her, swirling wine in her glass. A slow R&B track played from the little speaker she’d brought out, one of those old-school joints that used to have us screaming lyrics into hairbrushes back in the day because our asses were so in love. Now, the music was just background noise. Faint. Hollow. Drowned out by the ache sitting heavy in my chest.
I stared past her; eyes locked on the trees in the backyard like they held some kind of answer I hadn’t figured out yet. I felt like if I blinked too fast, I’d break down again, and I was tired of crying.
Katrina leaned forward and rested her hand on my knee, warm and steady. “You've been quiet this whole time, cousin. Talk to me. I ain’t drive over here to just watch you stare at trees like a damn statue.”
I let out a dry laugh, more exhale than humor. I glanced at her and tried to give her something that resembled a smile, but it didn’t land. My face felt too heavy for that.
Katrina was a year older than me, but we’d been inseparable our whole lives. Our mamas were close, like braid-each-other’s-hair-on-the-porch, and raise-each-other’s-kids close, so it only made sense that we grew up more like sisters than cousins. Katrina was the sister I never had, and no matter what life threw at us, she’d always been right there, riding for me. I valued her advice.
“What’s there to say? I’m hurt. Angry. Confused. I never thought I’d be sitting here, eventhinkingabout divorcing the only man I’ve ever loved. You know Moses was my everything, Trina. My best friend. My peace. He made me feel safe when the world didn’t. And now...” My throat tightened, voice breaking. “Now I feel like I don’t even know who the fuck he is.”
“I know that feeling. When me and Pokey were at our worst, I couldn’t even breathe right. Thought I was gon’ lose my damn mind.”
I shook my head and sighed, rubbing my temples. “Moses ain’t never did no shit like this to me before, so it’s got me fucked up.”
“And that’s exactly why you need to pause on runnin’ to that attorney’s office that auntie recommended.” She said, cutting her eyes at me. “He messed up, yeah. But y’all been solid for ten years. This ain’t a habit for Moses. Something tells methat you two need a real conversation about what occurred. No yelling. No fighting. Just truth.”
I stayed silent because that wasn’t happening, and I wasn’t in the mood to go back and forth about it. I don’t care if it was once or a hundred times; it was one too many. For ten years, I’d been loyal to that man. Never even looked at another nigga. Moses wouldn’t get a pass from me.
Katrina looked at me, shaking her head at my stubbornness. She knew me well. Knew exactly what I was thinking without me having to say a word.
“Look, I’m not excusing what he did. I’m not sayin’ you need to sweep this under the rug and play happy home. Hell no. But people get lost in relationships during the dark times and mess up. We are human. That’s real life.”
She sipped her wine and leaned back, staring into the sky. “And society got folks out here thinkin’ relationships ain’t supposed to go through nothin’. Like one mistake means throwing the whole spouse away. But that’s not how that works. Marriage is hard work.”
I let the silence fill the space between us. The next track started playing. It was one of those songs that used to remind me of Moses, back when things were good. Now it just felt like a reminder of what I might lose.
“I don’t know...” I whispered, voice trembling. “I hear you, but I just don’t know. This mistake was a big one. He hurt me, Trina. I thought we were better than that.”
Katrina scooted her chair closer and looked me dead in my eyes. “You don’t have to know today. You don’t have to decide tonight. I just hope you think it through thoroughly before you go signin’ shit that’s permanent. This ain’t some random-ass dude you just been kickin’ it with. This is yourhusband. Your family. And Moses has always been good to you. With that being said, I love you both and pray this ain’t the end.”
A single tear slipped down my cheek, and Katrina didn’t say anything else. Just opened her arms and pulled me into her. I let her hold me while the weight on my chest finally cracked open. We didn’t say much after that. Just sat there, two women who’d been through too damn much, letting the wine take the edge off while the music whispered the words neither of us could bring ourselves to say.
Chapter Four.
Moses
Mary was serious about that divorce. She had filed and had me served. So here we were three months later, sitting in court-ordered mediation. The conference room was designed to foster peace and clarity, with soft lighting and fancy-ass artwork. Yet for me, it felt suffocating as fuck in this bitch, far from serene.
I leaned back in my chair as my heart pounded inside my chest. Not much typically shook me, but the thought of losing Mary forever had me on the brink. And the fact I had not been this close to her in months drove me crazy, too. All I wanted was to hold her in my arms.
The mahogany table between us was cluttered with papers, numbers, and terms I dreaded facing. I was a street nigga and a business owner, which meant I was sharp as hell when it came to negotiations. But this was different. This was my wife, my life, my family, or what was left of it. And I was not looking to negotiate about that.
Mary sat across from me, dressed in a neutral-colored pantsuit and heels, looking stunning as ever. Even the firm expression on her face could not overshadow her vibrantpresence. She radiated warmth, shining like a diamond, always the light in my life. A real-ass woman.
Beside her sat her attorney, going on about joint custody for my son. It was a reasonable ask since Mary had been in his life since he was four months old. I would never try to sever their bond. Shit, I couldn’t even if I wanted to. In Jr.’s heart, she was his one and only mother, even though I had told him the truth long ago. Mary had raised him, fed him, and nurtured him like she had pushed him out herself, imprinting her mark on both me and his soul. There could never be another; she was irreplaceable.
While the attorneys talked, my eyes stayed locked on Mary, searching for any flicker of hesitation in her eyes...any sign that, despite dragging us here, she still wanted me. But I found nothing. Her expression was unreadable as ever. She did not look my way once. Instead, her attorney spoke about splitting our accounts, properties, and even throwing out a monthly alimony figure.
