Page 14 of The Heart Of A Real Woman
“W...what?” she stammered.
I nodded. “I’ve been staying here for a lil minute. I used to sleep in my car and sometimes at Pokey’s when his parents worked late. When you saw me at his spot that day, I was worried about where I would go. I had just left home and was assed out. On top of that, my son needed diapers and formula. That’s why I wasn’t tryna get to know you at first. I had a lot going on. My head wasn’t all the way there.”
I remembered that day like it was yesterday. Earlier that morning, I found out my pops was trying to negotiate with a dealer for my car. He had stolen my keys from the kitchen counter while I was asleep. He was so desperate that he didn’t even give a fuck that the dealer he was trying to give the car to was Pokey. All he cared about was a fucking fix.
I had hustled and saved every dollar I could to get that car, and I wasn’t about to let him take it away from me. Fed up, I beat his ass, packed my shit, and left, never looking back.
“Why did you leave home if you didn’t have anywhere else to go? Have you spoken with your parents? Aren’t they worried about you?”
I chuckled, trying to mask the pain inside. Parents? I had made peace long ago with the fact that they didn’t give a fuck about me. I mean, my mama tried to do the right thing when she was clean, but that never lasted long. May her soul rest in peace, though she never offered me that shit.
“Nah… my mama was what you call a functioning addict. She died from an overdose a year ago, and my pops is still on drugs. I couldn’t go back home even if I wanted to. Leasing office found out my mama passed, so my old man is on the streets now too. She was getting housing.”
“Well, what about the rest of your family? Aunt, uncle, grandparents… someone.”
“Never met my pops’ side, and I don’t fuck with the rest of my mama’s family like that. None of them mean well.”
“That’s crazy.” Her bottom lip trembled as her eyes watered. “I… I don’t know what to say. I can’t believe this.” She stepped further into the room.
“You don’t have to say nothin’. I’m not looking for pity. Just need you to understand that it’s me, not you.”
She walked toward the sink, her eyes scanning the space. She noticed my toothbrush and toothpaste, then caught sight of my body wash and a few towels. Her gaze drifted to the baby bottles on the counter, and I could see the realization wash over her that I truly lived here. Shame gnawed at my pride, making me feel small, and at 6’4”, I was far from a small nigga. It felt like the walls were closing in around me.
“You bring your son here?”
“Yeah, every other weekend. I have no choice. I can’t go without seeing him.”
Mary’s face was a mix of shock and concern, and I seized the opportunity to make things even clearer for her.
“I haven’t made you my girl ‘cause deep down I know that shit will never work between us. You an honor roll student with a 4.5 GPA. You applying to top colleges. I dropped out of high school during my freshman year. I have dyslexia that went untreated. I also got a record. I was in and out of juvie for stealing shit I needed. I got a whole fucking kid, Mary. A nigga would never fit into your picture-perfect world.”
I could tell the info dump was torturing her heart the same way it tortured mine. Hell, my heart and soul had been up in flames for quite some time now. Every day was a struggle for me. I had no idea what peace even looked like.
“Don’t talk like that.” She said sympathetically as she walked over to me. “I don’t care about none of that. I couldn’t care less what you have or don’t have, Moses.”
“Your people will care, though. They’ll never let you be with a nigga like me.”
“Doesn’t matter how they feel. At the end of the day, they can’t tell me who I can be with.Ilove you and that’s all that matters.”
I nodded, overwhelmed by her words.
“You love me?”
“I do. That’s why it hurt so bad when you said you didn’t want a relationship. You made me feel like you loved me too, so I was confused as hell. Then I thought… maybe I read it all wrong. Maybe I wasn’t good enough—”
“I do love you,” I cut her off, keeping it all the way real with her for the first time.
“Love the shit outta you. You the only girl I ever fell in love with. And I’ma say this one more time, then I don’t ever wanna hear you question it again. You are perfect.”
She gave me a half-smile. “You sure you love me? You don’t have to say it just ‘cause I did.”
“Hell yeah, I’m sure.”
“You sure about me being the only one you ever loved?”
“I told you I love my son, but having him with his mother was a mistake. I didn’t love Shorty. But you…you got my heart on lock, Mary. And don’t question that no more either.”
It was the truth. My baby mama and I had been fucking around during our childhood, but we didn't have anything serious between us. Her ghetto ass ways made it hard for me to take her seriously. Before I met Mary, she was just something to feel when I needed a release. Unfortunately, one night led to an unexpected consequence...my rubber had popped on me.
