Page 179 of The Surprise Play
It takes me a second to answer, but eventually I manage to confess. “We grew up together. Jade and me. Fledgling’s a small town, and none of our parents moved away, so we were just in each other’s lives. Everybody knows everybody in Fledgling.” My voice is raw. Hollow.
Sienna pulls the car into a parking space outside Buckley Hall and leaves the engine running so the heater stays on. Turning to face me, she silently tells me to continue.
I have no idea why I do.
I never tell anyone this stuff, but my insides are shattered. Fragile. And I can’t seem to stop myself.
“She and her friends were a year below me in school, but they had enough influence that they managed to turn most of the student body against me. Even the kids who probably would have been nice to me were too afraid to show it. I was their favorite sport, you know? They didn’t want to come within firing range.”
“Did you tell anybody?” Sienna softly asks.
I shrug. “I tried at first, but a little harmless name-calling? I was the one who needed to toughen up, youknow? Grow a thicker skin. Sticks and stones and all that shit.” My voice rings with a bitter edge, but I can’t help it. “They knew how to put on their pretty smiles when they needed to and make me feel like I was blowing things way out of proportion.”
“That sucks,” Sienna mutters. “I can’t believe… the adults in your life didn’t do more.” Her voice is softly cautious, like she’s not trying to insult my parents, but she’s pissed off that they didn’t act more assertively on my behalf.
“I didn’t tell them everything,” I explain. “I didn’t want my parents to worry. Me hurting hurt them, so I just tried to ignore it. Keep to myself, play the safe game, and on those days they got me… try to keep as much of my dignity intact as I could.” I sniff, slashing a tear off my cheek as my insides recoil at the few times I did try to break free. Like when I took a risk and helped Peyton Feldman with his homework. What an epic backfire that was.
And now Wily’s become another one.
Shit.
He means a million times more to me than Peyton ever will. Why couldn’t they just let me have him?
Why does Jade always want what I have?
Why can’t she just leave me alone!
Sienna’s quiet sadness seems to permeate the car, and for some reason, I talk into it. Like, it’s here already, so why not make it a few degrees colder, a couple of tons heavier.
“When I came here, I thought I’d be free of them. And last year, I had the chance to breathe for the firsttime in years. I didn’t make any close friends or anything, but… I could walk this campus without looking over my shoulder all the time.” My voice catches and my chin starts to bunch. “And then this year, I spotted Jade in my first week back, and she had these new friends… who are just like her old ones.” I shake my head, my voice turning into a squeak. “I thought she was going to college in Denver.” I start to cry in earnest. “And I haven’t been able to tell anyone, because I don’t want my parents freaking out. It was horrible for them watching me go through this in high school. They tried to protect me but didn’t want me hiding away from the world, you know? So I just had to keep going. And I made it. I thought I’d made it.” I whimper. “But Jade is always so strategic. She knows how to wait and pounce when the timing is just right. When her pranks can do the most damage. And she just has this way of convincing everyone to go along with her.”
I cover my face, my shoulders shaking as I let out a couple of keening wails that turn into gut-wrenching sobs.
“Oh, sweetie,” Sienna whispers, wrapping her arm around my shoulders and resting her cheek against the top of my head.
I let her hold me because I can’t stop crying enough to pull away from her.
She doesn’t say anything, just squeezes my shoulder and stays the course until my tears are under control.
With my stomach jerking, I sit up and reach for the door handle. “I should go.”
“I can walk you up to your room.” Sienna’s already out her door, not taking no for an answer.
I really don’t want her to, but when she helps me out of the passenger side and then wraps her arm around my shoulders again, I take it.
We shuffle up to my room together, taking the elevator in silence and not saying a word until I’ve unlocked my door.
I peer into my safe space, sadness sweeping through me as I picture Wily in here. His big body and bright smile used to fill this room so easily.
I don’t know if it ever will again.
Will he honestly want me after I yelled in his face like that? I basically screamed at him.
Squeezing my eyes against the heavy dose of regret, I then have to counter the tidal wave of humiliation that follows.
How am I ever going to look him in the eye again?
I’m mortified.
