Page 71 of The Surprise Play
“By yourself?” Mom sounds so disappointed. It’s nice to be able to tell her that I was watching with my tutoring student. “Oh, well, that’s something. Nice that you were doing something a little social.”
Hardly. We barely talked during the game.
But I’m not about to admit that.
I open my mouth, hoping to bring the conversation back around to her and Dad, but she beats me to it.
“And how about dorm life? Is everyone being nice to you?”
My insides scrunch into a tight ball as thoughts of Viper Girl’s nastiness pepper me. She’s not in my dorm, but her face flashes through my mind, because I know Mom’s really checking to make sure that I’m not being bullied again.
Mom can never know that Jade is now attending Nolan U, and that she’s recruited new minions for her Hate on Hippo Girl cause. It’ll eat her alive, and I’m not going to put that on her. She’ll only stress about what might be happening to me and then tell Dad, which will make him worry, and they have enough on their plate right now.
My silence is protecting them, and I can handle those girls… as long as I avoid their normal routes and stay invisible.
“Bessie? People are being nice to you, right?”
“Yeah,” I assure her. “People in my dorm are lovely.”
At least I think they are. I don’t actually hang with any of them, but no one pays me much attention, and that can only be a good thing.
Mom lets out a lyrical sigh. “Well, that’s wonderful to hear. I’m just so keen for you to make a good friend. You know, I’ve heard that the friends you make in college can last you a lifetime.”
I let out an awkward laugh, not sure how to respond.
“You are trying, aren’t you, sweetheart?”
My throat swells, and it’s an effort to force out a cheerful “Of course.” I want to tell her that I had dinner with a friend the other night, but did I really?
It was a tutoring session that involved food!
And other conversation.
My insides tingle as I think about the animated look on Wily’s face as he told me how epic going to the Super Bowl was.
“Because I just don’t want you to hide yourself away and let… things from the past stop you.” Mom grabs my attention with her quiet words, and I start munching on my lower lip. “Those girls from high school made you feel like it wasn’t safe to put yourself out there, and it’s not fair for your college experience to be hampered by them. I don’t want you to feel like you have to hide in the shadows anymore. You’re free of them now, and it’s your right to experience all college has to offer.”
With burning eyes, I stare in front of me and try to keep this lie going. I feel kind of bad when she makes statements like that and I don’t correct her.
Part of me wants to wail, “But Jade is here! I have to protect myself, Mom. I have to!”
But instead, I force a smile into my voice. “I know, Mom. And you don’t have to worry. I’m having a good year.”
“Are you sure?” Her doubt always makes me feel bad for some reason.
Like she doesn’t believe I can have fun unless I’m going to parties and hanging out with a bunch of rowdy people.
She doesn’t get that fun for me is snuggling up with a movie musical and singing along with the actors… or drinking my coffee every morning at Java Jeans and watching the world pass me by… or disappearing into the pages of a good book and getting so absorbed that it actually feels real.
I love those things.
That ball in my stomach bounces around, an energy I don’t understand making it vibrate. Rubbing the itchy spot above my belly button, I try to ignore these weird sensations inside me.
I’m happy with my own company.
I don’t need friends!
Wily flashes through my mind. His sweet smile. The way he held me, made me laugh.
