Page 22 of If Not for My Baby
“It’s fine.” I’m the one who had the ridiculous conversation in the hotel hallway in the first place.
“At the risk of bein’ rude…could I ask you somethin’?”
I sigh. “I think I’m an open book at this point.”
Halloran releases a rough chuckle, which does something inexcusable to my body. So much so, I fold my arms across my chest just in case he can tell. The robe is pretty thin.
“Why don’t you cut the lad loose?”
“Oh, God.” I’m getting lightheaded. Maybe I’ll faint—that would be an excellent way out of this conversation. “It’s none of your business.”
“That’s true,” he concedes, hands up. “Absolutely true. But you did allow me the ask.” Strangely, Halloran makes no move to leave. In fact, he leans against the wall right across from me, propping one bare foot up behind him to his comfort and crossing his defined arms across his chest.
“I gotta say…You haven’t struck me as the personal conversation type.” My mind drifts back to the first night we’d met. He’d been kind of cold. “In Memphis…”
“I’m sorry about that. Truly. Press, meet and greets, the show…I was well past wilting by the time we met.”
And here I’d thought he was upset I’d missed a few lyrics. The levels of my insecurity never cease to amaze.
Halloran presses his fingers into his notebook. “If I’ve comeacross as closed off, I apologize. I’m often more comfortable talking with one person than making small chat with a group.”
“And my personal life is interesting to you?”
“It was a rare phone call to overhear, if I’m being honest.” He shrugs, palms up in forfeit. “Caught my attention.”
“I can’t cut him loose. He’s one of my only friends. And my boss…And my ex-boyfriend.” With that I let my head fall backward into the vending machine in misery. Maybe it will swallow me whole and I’ll be reborn as a light blue Gatorade. A punishment preferable to this.
“Ah,” Halloran says, thoughtful. He’s not poking fun.
“I don’t really…sleep around. So if I’m interested intextingsomeone, he’s a safe bet. I know we’ll both enjoy ourselves, and he’s not going to be a creep about it. I trust him, you know?”
“Sure. But he isn’t interested in being your safe bet any longer?”
“Apparently not.”
“Does that bother you?”
I can’t believe I’m talking about this with world-renowned megastar Halloran. I choose my next words carefully. “It doesn’tbotherme, I just don’t know what to do next. I don’t want to be together, which I think he kind of knows. I also don’t want to lose him in my life. He’s not being very fair.”
Halloran shrugs, no judgment in his eyes. “I doubt he can be when he’s in love with you.”
My face contorts involuntarily at the words, and Halloran’s lips twitch.
I narrow my eyes at him. “What?”
He’s amused, for some reason. “I’ve said nothing.”
“Come on,” I press. “You were the one who wanted to play therapist.”
“I feel for the lad is all. He’s in agony.”
“Oh my God,” I groan. “I didn’t know he was suffering!”
“Course you didn’t. Nobody should blame you, least of all him. He’s hidden his feelings from you despite the heartache because he’d rather have some of you than none at all…It’s a terrible situation. Made only worse by him not knowin’ how to speak to you about it and then grumblin’ over a sext. But there’s no brakes on the car your man’s in. He can’t unlearn how to love you. I doubt he’d want to even if he could. That’s the beauty of it, tucked inside the sorrow.”
“Wow.” I can’t help the way my mouth tugs at the corners. “Inspirational. What next? Are you going to tell me ‘They may take our lives, but they’ll never take our freedom’?”
Halloran releases an actual laugh. The first I’ve ever heard from him. It’s a husky, jovial sound that splits from his chest as if by accident. His broad white teeth are as glorious as the curve of his lips and warm crinkle of his eyes. A laugh like that should be illegal. “That’s Scotland,” he says.
