Page 92 of A Reign of Roses
“Who do you share the cabin with?”
Ryder walked to a barrel filled with fresh water and poured me a mug and then one for himself. “At first it was this utter lug head who would not shut up. I persuaded him to trade with Barney.”
“How’d you do that?”
Ryder shrugged, though a bit of pride peeked through his eyes. “Used some carefully carved cherrywood to convince him we had termites.”
I laughed. “You must use your powers for good, not evil.”
He chuckled, too. And then, sighing, said, “Arwen—”
“I know—”
“You might, but you still have to let me say it.”
I sat down on his bed. “All right.”
“I think in Citrine…I fell for Princess Amelia.”
That had notat allbeen what I was expecting.
“She was the most impressive, mean, knock-down-drag-out-gorgeous, cold-as-ice living thing I’d ever seen. Every time she spoke, I felt it in my—”
My eyes cut to him as if to say,Don’t you dare.
“Chest.I felt it in mychest.”
I stifled a laugh, kicking off my shoes and folding my legs more comfortably atop his bed.
“She didn’t give me the time of day unless we were speaking strategy. All she cared about was Peridot. Freeing the kingdom, rebuilding, saving her people from warfare and conquest. All pretty noble stuff.”
I nodded because I agreed. It was noble. She was cold and calculating, manipulative and harsh, but in the eyes of her people…She’d always been clear that she would do anything for them.
“While you lot were off finding the blade, we started…spending time together. She told me she’d have me assassinated if I told anyone, and I sure as Stones believed her.” He laughed a little to himself at the memory and I suddenly felt that I was witnessing something too personal. I cast my eyes to the floor.
“She was so different when we came back to Onyx. I still don’t know why. Maybe she had already made up her mind about…what she was going to do. But I missed her. Like nothing I’d ever felt, I missed her. And when you told me you were going to Hemlock—” He shook his head. “I thought it was the only way she’d talk to me like she used to, if I alleged to know more about the plan than she did. She probably played me. Knew how eager I’d be, how I’d tell her anything just to be in the same room again.”
Oh, Stones.My brother was a lovesick fool.
I wondered if Amelia had ever even liked him. She had asked me to share her apologies, but I couldn’t tell if that had been from honestremorse or something a bit more personal. My heart hurt at the thought of either.
“She behaved so strangely the rest of that day. I told myself it was out of guilt, I think, because it made me feel better. About myself and her. But I went straight to Griffin. Told him that I had a terrible feeling. We flew for Hemlock not five minutes later.”
My brother sank down on the bed next to me and braced his forearms on his knees.
“Arwen, I’m sorry. Truly, I am. Had I known what she was capable of…” He scratched at his neck, finally bringing his eyes to meet mine. He had never looked more like a little boy to me. Like the kid I’d grown up alongside.
“You can’t blame yourself. The only person responsible for what Lazarus did is Lazarus.”
“That’s not the point. I was only thinking aboutme.About what I wanted.WhoI wanted, I guess.” His eyes found his hands again. “It’s all I ever do. Think about myself.”
I struggled for the right words—he was right. He had been selfish, and I didn’t want to fuss and lie and tell him otherwise like I might have in the past. But I also knew the unabashed hurt that was nagging at him wasn’t doing anyone any good.
“I saw her in Lumera. She asked me to tell you that she was sorry. And that she hadn’t meant to use you.”
Ryder blew out a breath and cradled his head in his hands. “Will you kill me if I ask how she seemed?”
I mulled his question over in my head. Aside from her apology, I tried to remember if there was anything noteworthy about my conversation with Amelia the night of the masquerade ball. “She seemed resigned. Glad for her people but…remorseful. I don’t think she’sbeing hurt or anything, if that’s what you’re worried about. Lazarus sees her as an ally.”
