Page 41 of A Promise of Peridot
“You asked me once if I thought love was a weakness,” he said, too low. “You, Arwen.Youare my weakness.”
“Then I’m doing you a favor.” My voice sounded cold even to my own ears.
My whole life I had been all too weepy. An easy crier in both joy and despair.
Now, I couldn’t produce one single tear.
I sucked in a steady inhale, the confusing emotions already retreating. Spinelessly slinking under that foundation of numbness.
Kane’s eyes were as hard as granite and just as sharp. “You’re scared. To be with me, to feel something, now that you have to face all that I tried to protect you from.” He inhaled, too, running a shaking hand through his hair in exasperation. “I understand, I do. Just don’t say you’re doing this to savemethe pain. It’s too late for me.”
I wanted to say it was too late for me, too. That I was doomed. That I wouldn’t have enough time left in this world to heal from his lies, his betrayal, from the trauma of the last few weeks, and then, after I had repaired all the parts of me that had shattered, to see if there was anything left inside that was capable of giving him another chance.
Givingusanother chance.
Under the last dregs of pure moonlight all I found to say was “I’m sorry.”
14
arwen
The knock at the door of our suite the next day was inexplicably familiar. Solid and controlled, nothing musical to it—not Mari, then. Kane’s was more demanding. Leigh’s little fists didn’t make as much noise. Ryder’s were more impatient. I finished rinsing my hands in the washroom and swung the suite door open, only to find the wrinkled, kind eyes I had missed so terribly the past few weeks.
I threw myself into Dagan with open arms, enveloping him in a hug I don’t think either of us expected.
“What are you doing here?” I asked, my face pressed into his layered tunics. He smelled like black pepper and seawater. He must have just arrived in Azurine this morning.
“Hello to you, too, Arwen,” he said, patting me squarely on the back as if I were his associate.
That was all right, I’d take what I could get.
When I could feel Dagan growing uncomfortable with the length of our hug, I released him and peered up. He appearedhappy to see me, but there was a deep sorrow behind his eyes. “I was very sorry to hear of your mother’s passing.”
“Thank you,” I said. “Do you want to come inside?”
“It’s been quite some time since you’ve last trained. I’d imagine you’re out of practice. Shall we fit a lesson in before you leave for the Peridot Provinces?” He turned to show me two glinting silver swords strapped to his back.
“What do you mean?”
I had run back to the castle last night and crawled into bed, eager to drown everything out. When I awoke to the breeze sending the white linen curtains into my room like sunshine specters, Leigh and Ryder were gone. The note on the table said they had tried to wake me but I couldn’t be roused, and they were spending the day at the shore.
“The king is leaving this evening to pursue the Blade of the Sun in Reaper’s Cavern. I take it you know the importance of the blade in the prophecy?”
I gave him a slight nod.
“Arwen,” he said, gentle but stern. “Shall we train?”
I drifted into the washroom to change before following him out into the open-air hallway. Servants and handmaidens milled through a hall marked with potted lemon trees and pearlescent fountains overflowing with fresh, clear water. Between the pillars I could just make out the pine-fringed coves and vine-covered villages in the distance. The morning breeze swept that scent of ever-present salty ocean—tinged with the roasting of pork and chickpeas—through the palace, but even the vibrant day and savory scents couldn’t salvage my mood.
Last night had been a catastrophe.
Kane and I—
I shuddered at the memories. “Only Kane and Griffin are going to Peridot? No soldiers?”
“The commander will remain here in the capital. But King Ravenwood is bringing Mari. Her powers may be needed to access the cavern that holds the blade. They hope to keep a low profile now that the kingdom is ruled by Amber. No battalion.”
Griffin wasn’t going with Kane? “And what about you? You just got here.”
