Page 98 of Silver Lining
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He who is born a fool is never cured. She'd forgotten the truth in that proverb. Cursing, she wiped tears from her cheeks with the back of her hand.
She gave the horses their heads, too wild inside to care how recklessly she was driving over snow-packed, icy roads. She'd go to Denver . She had enough money in her bag to get a room for tonight. Tomorrow, when there were no more tears to cry, she would decide what to do next. How did people live when they no longer had a heart?
The horses galloped past the outskirts of Fort Houser and she dashed a hand across her eyes, blinking hard.
How could she have been such a blind fool? Sheknew Max wanted Philadelphia . He always had.
Hadn't she reminded herself of this fact only an hour ago?
But she hadn't wanted to believe the raw emotion she'd seen in Max's eyes the day of Philadelphia 's labor. She had wanted Gilly to convince her that Max never thought about Philadelphia , didn't pine for her, didn't wish it was Philadelphia he'd married. No, that wasn't true. She had wantedMax to convince her of these reassuring lies. But deep in her heart she'd known how he really felt. She was nothing but an obstacle standing between him and Philadelphia ; that's what she had always been to him.
Well, not anymore. She would vanish into the streets of Denver . Or maybe she would withdraw her money from the bank and take a train west until she ran into an ocean. She'd buy a little house and spend her life raising their child and trying to forget a tall, lanky cowboy with pox marks on his chin and a blue gaze that sent shivers down her spine. Max would always be the best part of her. She would see him in every blue-eyed man. Would find him in the face of her child.
"You idiot," she whispered, whipping the reins across the horses' backs. It was her fault that she was dying inside. She had forgotten who she was.
She had let herself be lulled and seduced by the luxury of a real mattress, warm food three times a day, and the joy of caring for a home. She had even given names to the stupid chickens. How dumb could she be? Very dumb. Dumb enough to appropriate Max's family and love them and try to make them her own. When she thought about never again seeing Livvy or Gilly or Sunshine, her ribs felt as if they were cracking.
But the worst, the very worst, most stupid and foolish thing she had ever done in her whole life was to fall deeply, crazily in love with Max McCord.
She had never had a chance. Her love was hopeless from the beginning. She could never be a lady like Philadelphia . She couldn't even be Missus Louise McCord; that wasn't who she was.
She was just plain ole Low Down. Low-down, good-for-nothing, never amount to a hill of beans, worthless, just taking up space in the world. That Low Down.
Hot tears stung her eyes, and her chest hurt. She'd forgotten who she was, had forgotten that names and nature do often agree. It was certainly true in her case. But oh, how she had wanted to be someone else.
How she had longed to be Missus Max McCord. Hearing the words had made her feel proud inside.
"Louise!"
Blinking hard at the dampness scalding her eyes, she thought for an instant that she had imagined Max's shout. Then he yelled again, and she turned to see him riding hell-bent for leather alongside the wagon.
"Go away!" She didn't know what he was doing here, but she resented his chasing after her. It would have been better if they didn't actually have to say good-bye.
"You're driving like a damned maniac! Louise, stop the horses!"
She shouted back. "The only thing I have to say to you is good-bye. I've said it now, so get on home."
"I didn't kiss Philadelphia , she kissed me." Marva Lee ran full out, her mane fluttering and her tail rippling behind her. Max had one hand on his hat and one hand gripping the reins. His duster flapped behind him. "She blindsided me. Just jumped on me. I didn't want her kissing me, didn't ask her to do it.
Most important, I didn't like it."
How dumb did he think she was? "I don't care who the hell kissed who, the fact is the two of you were kissing," she shouted, fighting tears and the reins. "And it sure looked to me like you were enjoying it.
Well, you can have Philadelphia , I don't care. It's time I left anyway."
He eyed the team as if he might be thinking about doing something foolish like jumping down between them and trying to stop them. Instead he brought Marva Lee up close beside the wagon seat.
"You can't leave. In fact, you have to pull over and stop," he demanded, shouting at her. "I'm making a citizen's arrest!"
"What? What are you talking about?"
"I'm arresting you. You're stealing my wagon and my horses."
At first she thought she had misunderstood, and that was possible since the wheels and harness were rattling and squealing, making it hard to hear. Then she realized he had a valid point. She'd taken his wagon and horses without his permission. "I'll send you payment from Denver ."
He was riding forward over Marva Lee's neck, his head turned to glare at her. "If I wouldn't take your money to save my ranch, what makes you think I'd take your money now? I saw what taking a woman's money did to my father. I'm never going to accept a dime of your funds for anything!"
