Page 152 of Scorched Earth
Just breathed and breathed, waiting for elation to set in. Yet despite the legionnaires cheering victory in the fortress below, Teriana’s heart ached as though she’d suffered the greatest loss of her lifetime.
“I’m sorry.”
Teriana turned her head to look at Marcus, who had his head in his hands, elbows resting on his knees. She took the opportunity to take him in, to memorize everything, though she knew that his face was burned upon her soul. That even if she lived to be a hundred, she’d be able to close her eyes and trace the hard lines of his jaw, the scar crossing his cheek, the swell of his bottom lip. The blue-grey eyes that saw everything and betrayed nothing.
From the beginning there had been an ending. This had never been destined to be a forever. Yet faced with the end, her heart wanted to dig in its heels in a desperate attempt to stall time. “For what? Because of you, my imprisoned people will be freed, and it was accomplished in such a way that they’ll not feel their lives came at the cost of others.”
At least, not yet.
Marcus was quiet for a long time, then he said, “I thought if I just did everything perfectly that, at the end of this, you’d be able to walk away untouched. That you’d be able to sail away with your crew and have your name untarnished by the Empire, your conscience clear. These long months of your life would be but a brief ordeal that would fade with time because your hands wouldn’t be stained with innocent blood. But it seems I’m destined to claim everyfuckingvictory but the one I care about, because even though it’s me who has done every wrong, it’s your name they curse. It’s you they blame.”
A fate Teriana had long since accepted, but apparently Marcus had not. Teriana slowly came to terms with the understanding thatallof this, all the tricks, the endless marching, and risks to his men’s lives had been in a pursuit of an impossible victory.
Because what the world thought of her wasn’t his battle to fight, it was hers. What mark she left upon Reath was of her own making, and it was time for her to quit dwelling on the scorched earth behind her and turn to the future she could help shape.
“It’s not about what historians choose to write in their books,” she said. “Weknow the truth. The world holds up those with no stains upon their hands as heroes, never stopping to think that their hands are clean because they never had to fight for their lives. Theynever had to stand in the mud, with every path leading to blood, and make a choice. Sometimes there is no right choice. Sometimes there is only the choice you can live with. And sometimes there isn’t even that.”
Her voice caught on a sob, and Teriana sucked in a ragged breath because she needed to get the words out. Needed to make him understand.
“I made the choice to help find these xenthier paths,” she said between tears. “Kaira refused to help. Ereni refused to help. My own people refused to help. So I chose to make my name anathema to the West for the sake of five hundred prisoners, and I did it knowing that there was the potential for thousands to die. I rolled the dice, but my bet was on you.” Moving onto her knees in front of him, she took hold of his hands. “I bet right.”
Marcus lifted his head to look at her, eyes searching hers.
“I can live with this,” she whispered.
Leaning forward, she kissed him. Nothing more than a brush of her lips against his, but it sent sparks across her skin, every beat of her heart a thud of certainty that of all the choices she’d ever made, loving him was the most right.
Marcus’s hand curved around her cheek, then tucked the braids that had fallen forward behind her ear. “There’s something I have to tell you,” he said in a hoarse voice. “Something you need to know.”
Time seemed to stand still, because Teriana knew that he was going to tell her what had changed in Celendrial. The reason he’d ended things between them. For so long, she had been desperate to know what had the power to turn him from her in the space of an instant, but now faced with it—
She pressed a finger to his lips. “No.”
Grasping her hand, he said, “Teriana, I—”
“I don’t want to know.” She moved so that her knees were to either side of him, her body pressed against his armored chest. “Cassius made me look at so many horrible things that you have done in the legions. Not just the reports on battles, but the assassinations. The tortures. Gods, Marcus, the first time we met was in a cellar where you stood and watched a questioner kill my people. I know who you were, but what I care about is who you are now.” He looked ready to argue, so she swiftly said, “We stand at a critical moment where we can either step toward peace or submit to war, because this isn’t over. You have the power here to hold the Senate in check, and I have the power to try to make peace with Kaira. The doors between East andWest have been blown open and there is no going back, and we are uniquely positioned to control the outcome.”
“You are suggesting that you want to stay?”
“Yes.”
“With…” His throat moved as he swallowed hard. “With me? Despite who I am? What I am? All that I’ve done?”
A sudden flood of uncertainty filled her. “If you want me.”
“If I want you?” His laugh was half sob. “I do not deserve you, Teriana, but that has never meant I didn’t want you. I could live a thousand lives and never earn your love, but I swear on all that I hold dear that I am willing to try.”
The elation that had been absent flooded her soul, and Teriana wrapped her arms around his neck, kissing him. Losing herself in the moment, because this wasn’t just about a future with him, it was about finally seeing a path out of the mud for both of them. Something worth fighting for.
Marcus pulled back, holding her face with his cupped palms. “Not until it’s certain. Not until Kaira has left the city, the Senate has confirmed the paths, and Hostus has opened the prison gates. I need documents in hand saying that your deal with the Senate has been fulfilled.” He hesitated. “You need to be certain this is what you really want.”
Teriana had never been certain in her life, but there was something right about embarking on the next journey of her life on the heels of her people’s liberation. With the past firmly in the past and their eyes only on the future.
She curled against him with her head resting in the crook of his neck and her fingers locked with his. Listening to the seagulls and the cheers, the sea breeze blissfully fresh after so many long days of nothing but the stink of wet ash and sweat.
Then a soft whistle caught her attention, and she looked to see Quintus jerk his chin in the direction of the city. Unease filled her chest, and Teriana climbed to her feet, pulling Marcus with her.
Riding out of the city was a column of soldiers. For a heartbeat, she was certain they intended to attack the fortress, but horses and men alike were laden with packs, weapons all in sheaths. Kaira’s familiar form rode at their head, and as they passed the fortress heading north, the Gamdeshian Princess looked up at the ramparts to where they stood and pointed a finger at Teriana.
