Page 121 of Scorched Earth
“I won’t let them catch me,” Bait promised.
“And when you see Teriana, tell her I love her.” Tears pricked inLydia’s eyes because it felt so profoundly wrong that she wasn’t going to her friend’s rescue. That she was, for all intents and purposes, turning her back on her best friend in favor of other priorities. “No matter what has happened, she is my sister until the end.”
Bait nodded, then clapped Killian on the shoulder. “Take care of her.” Then he leaned closer and muttered something in Killian’s ear, earning a soft laugh and a thanks.
“Fast winds and smooth seas,” Bait said to Vane, then he dived off the ship, disappearing into the black waters.
“The winds we have thanks to Baird,” the captain said. “If the seas remain our friend, we will be in Serlania in less than a week, the Six willing.”
Lydia inclined her head, watching as Vane retreated into the quarters he was sharing with his first mate while Malahi had his cabin. “What did Bait say to you?”
“That instead of a hammock with the rest of the crew, we can have his room,” Killian replied. “Let’s go have a look.”
With a flush of anticipation, Lydia lifted her bag over her shoulder and followed him inside the ship to where the quarters for the higher-ranking crew members were located. Bait’s quarters were tiny, little more than a narrow bed, a wardrobe, a washstand, and a sea chest. There was a distinct lack of personal touch, which made sense given that this ship wasn’t Bait’s home, but Lydia felt the hollowness of it. Knew that for all his bluster and focus on Teriana, Bait grieved his absence from theQuincenseand her crew, whom she knew were a family to him.
Setting her belongings in the corner, Lydia poured water into a basin, distinctly aware that this was the first time since they’d been in Obarri that she and Killian had been alone. The first time they’d had any form of privacy since she’d mastered her mark and removed her gloves, and her nerves warred with her anticipation as she washed her hands and face. The former won the battle, and she turned and blurted out, “What did Ceenah say to you before she left?”
Killian was busy checking the lock on the door, but he went still at the question. “She had a few thoughts about you,” he finally said. Instead of elaborating, he unbuckled his sword and put it near the bed, then removed his coat and hung it on a hook.
“Are you going to tell me?” Uneasiness added to the mix of emotions running laps in her stomach.
“She said you didn’t just draw upon the life nearby to heal me.” Killian went to the porthole and looked out at the night. “She saidyou drew upon all the life of Reath, and she’s never seen that before. Didn’t know it was possible.”
In her mind’s eye, Lydia saw the glowing clouds of mist that had surged toward her, far more than she’d needed to heal Killian’s wound. She’d known what she’d done, but not the extent of it, and Lydia wasn’t sure how she felt about being different from other healers.
“Ceenah thinks it’s because Hegeria has touched you twice. First to mark you and then again to aid you against the Corrupter, and that it has given you more power than other healers,” Killian said. “Her fear is that your strength will only make the Seventh work harder to tempt you, because your power can do as much harm as good.”
She bit the insides of her cheeks. “Did she say anything else?”
“Yes. But it was for my ears, not yours.”
Curiosity bit at her insides, but Lydia left it alone as she watched him pull off his shirt and hang it on the hook with his coat. Crossing to the washstand, he began to scrub away the dirt and sand of their journey across the desert.
Realizing she was staring, Lydia dug her comb out of her bag. She unfastened the tie holding the end of her braid and began to unravel the lengths, sand coming loose as she did. But she scarcely noticed, for it was impossible to tear her eyes from Killian’s naked back.
The lamplight cast shadows across his broad shoulders and tapered waist, taut muscles testament to a lifetime of trials and training, the long grueling weeks on the road ensuring that there was not a spare ounce of flesh on him. Her eyes roved over the scars from battles, the white lines stark against his olive skin, which had grown darker in the unforgiving sun of Anukastre. Without his belt, his trousers hung low on his hips, and as he twisted to scrub the washcloth across his shoulder, the lamplight illuminated his stomach, the hard V of muscle drawing her eyes downward. Lydia busied herself with combing out the tangles of her hair.
It was nothing she hadn’t seen before, both in her mind and in the flesh, yet there had always been something that had stood between them. First Malahi, then Lydia’s lack of control of her mark, then the presence of their companions.
But now? There were no obstacles between them, yet Lydia felt paralyzed by uncertainty over how to claim the moment she’d dreamed of for so long.
Wait to see what he does,her nervous mind cautioned even as her heart told her that Killian would not instigate. How could he, given what she’d put him through? Either by shoving him away or trying tokill him. Killian wasn’t afraid of what she’d do to him, Lydia knew that, but he was afraid of the consequences toherif he pushed too far. And she desperately wanted him to push all the way. Which meant she needed to take the first step.
“When I returned to Mudaire after Alder’s Ford, I missed you so much.” She toyed with her comb. “I used to imagine you coming into the temple to find me. The sound of your boots coming down the hall to my room. What you’d say. What you’d do.” She lifted her head to meet his gaze. “What it would feel like to be yours in every possible way.”
She saw Killian’s throat move as he swallowed, blindly setting the cloth behind him on the washstand, though he said nothing.
“I swear I imagined being reunited with you in every possible way, which means little given that I knownothingabout what happens in such moments,” Lydia said softly. “Yet when we finally found each other, it was nothing like my dreams. Instead, it was battle and blood and fighting for our lives, the distance between us vanquished only to be replaced by what has oftentimes felt like insurmountable obstacles. All of which we’ve conquered, and though I know no more than I did in those cold dark nights alone in my room in that tower in Mudaire, what I want is the same.” She hesitated, then said, “I want you, Killian. All of you. And I want you to have all of me.”
Killian made a low noise, then dropped to his knees before her, his hands on her hips. “You are my everything, Lydia.” He pulled her to the edge of the bed. “There is nothing I wouldn’t give you, least of all myself. I love you.”
Her heart was beating so hard it threatened to tear from her chest, and Lydia tangled her fingers in his dark hair, the silky strands longer than he normally wore it. “I love you,” she whispered. “But for all my imaginings of this moment, I… I don’t know anything. I need you to show me how.”
Killian let out a choked laugh, then lowered his head to rest it against her thigh. “What makes you think that I know more than you?”
She bit her lip. “I thought…”
“My reputation with women is grossly exaggerated, Lydia. I’ve never…” He exhaled a shaky breath. “That’s what I was asking Agrippa about when we were captured by Xadrian, because he knows a lot about… Well, suffice it to say that he knows a lot about a lot of things.”
