Page 50 of The Plus One
“I’m good,” Indira called back from the other room.
Collin shot Jude a questioning look, but Jude shook his head and gave him what he hoped was a casual smile.
“I’m good too,” Jude said, guilt sinking his stomach. There was no way he could sit across from Collin, bullshitting over beers, with Indira’s lips still imprinted against his skin.
“Okay,” Collin said. “See you later.”
As soon as the door clicked shut, Jude darted to the dining room to find Indira.
“We can never mention what happened,” Jude said, planting his hands on the table across from her, forcing his eyes not to land on the fullness of her mouth.
“Don’t even know what you’re talking about,” Indira muttered, taking a sip of water as she tucked a lock of hair behind her ear.
“Good. Because that”—Jude gestured wildly in the direction of the couch—“should never have happened.”
His friendship with Collin was one of the only good things Jude had left in his sad little life. He couldn’t convince himself he was doing anything to honor that relationship by feeling up Collin’s little sister.
“Again, can’t say I know what you’re talking about,” Indira said, but her lips were pursed, an undercurrent of anger causing her eyes to narrow.
“And that won’teverhappen again,” Jude said, apparently unable to help himself. “This thing between us is fake. Purely fake. You get that? All clear?”
Maybe the more times he said they couldn’t touch each other again, the easier it would be for his protesting brain to accept it.
At that point, Indira stood up, mirroring him by also planting her hands on the table and leaning forward. The movement was immediately predatory and a quick jolt of fear shot down Jude’s spine.
“Not sure why you’re choosing to be as dense as possible right now, but you repeating over and over that we can’t talk about it is, in fact, you talking about it. So, allowmeto make it clear. You seem to be the only one that needs confirmation that something like that”—she mimicked his earlier gesture toward the couch—“will never, ever happen again. You can fixate on how good it felt to stick your tonguedown my throat all you want, but you’ll keep all further comments locked in that big head of yours. Like you said, this is fake. That’s all it will ever be.”
Jude’s jaw dangled open. Indira patted him on the cheek, then moved around him.
“Glad we had this talk,” she whispered, then left the room.
CHAPTER 19
Indira
“So you and Jude are… lying? Am I understanding this correctly?” Dr. Koh asked, pressing her hands together as she looked at Indira with an arched brow.
Indira squirmed from her spot on the couch. “I mean… I guess in the most stripped-down sense, yes. But Collin and Jeremy know. And my friends know. So, really, it’s more like just lying to Chris.”
And to yourself, you heartsick dummy.
“And… you think this is a wise idea?”
“Well, when you use that tone, I don’t,” Indira said, staring up at the ceiling. “But Jude said it will make the sensory overload of it all easier to deal with. Gives him an excuse for us to make an escape without eliciting a ton of questions. They’ll think we’re off doing… coupley stuff in dark corners or whatever.”
“Have you talked to Jude about why he’s struggling? Where this is coming from?”
“I’ve tried,” Indira said with a defeated shrug. “He’s told me a bit. About how much blame he’s internalized for patients that didn’t survive or had less-than-ideal outcomes. And I think he’s seen a lot of violence in the areas he’s been stationed.”
Dr. Koh nodded. “Is he talking to anyone about that?”
“No. And I wish he were. I’m just… I’m scared to push him. I’m scared to ask him too much, suggest too much. He’s only recently started confiding in me, and I don’t want to then kick open the door and bust down the walls. And—” Indira swallowed, then looked to the side.
“And what?” Dr. Koh prodded.
“I don’t want him to see me as his psychiatrist. Or for him to think that I’m trying to analyze him like some case study. I don’t know.”
“Why does that idea bother you?” Dr. Koh asked quietly.
