Page 100 of The Plus One
And that’s when the alarms started blaring.
The noise was shrill and repetitive and punched haunting memories of his worst days straight to the front of Jude’s mind—weeks turning into months in a war-torn city, random explosions and blasts, displaced people and the constant, devastating need that extended beyond anything Jude’s hands were capable of.
His vision tunneled and knees buckled, jolting him off balance and into the medic in front of him, creating a domino effect.
Dr. Huang turned, frowning at Jude. “Focus up, Dr. Bailey.”
Jude could only stare at Dr. Huang, images of patients’ final moments creeping in at the edges. The alarms continued screeching, and people began toting injured mannequins out of the dining hall and setting them on the grass a few yards away.
The raw fear must have shown on Jude’s face, because Dr. Huang looked around, his own body tensing.
“Easy, Bailey. It’s just a drill,” he said, turning back to Jude with a look of stern confusion. Jude couldn’t speak, but he managed to nod.
Huang stared at him for a beat longer before shaking his head, moving into action with the rest of the team.
Just a drill. Just a drill, Jude repeated to himself, the sentiment lost under the piercing sirens both around the base and through Jude’s nervous system, his brain jolting and muscles locking.
People funneled around him, feet and legs moving in coordinated sync as they ebbed and flowed to the dining hall. Commands were spoken, hand gestures given, all of it tunneling in and out of Jude’s spotty vision. Adrenaline pumped through him, pooling in his palms, pressing at his knees and hips. Wanting him to move. God, he wished he could.
Simulated gunshots echoed around them, each sound wave going straight to his spine, ricocheting up and down every nerve ending.
Just a drill. Just a drill. Just a drill, he tried again.
It didn’t do any good.
Nurses and doctors darted from injured mannequin to injured mannequin, orders crackling over their radios, fake blood and wounds obvious on the dummies from where Jude stood.
Jude knew this was his cue. His directive to move in and set up a medical triage. Tend to the wounds of those who needed him the most. But when he tried to take a step, his knees buckled again under the weight of the memories. He no longer felt the sharp chill of the November day. Couldn’t hear the periodic automated voice over the loudspeakers announcing the drill was in progress.
Jude stood alone on his spot of frozen grass, the world around him morphing and bending until he was torn between reality and haunting memories.
He remembered overfilled clinics amid an epidemic. Devastation after a natural disaster. The fear that radiated out of a war-torn town.
He could feel the waves of heat pressing on his back as he moved from body to body. Hear the raw panic as everyone scrambled in the chaos. And the smell. God, he could still smell the mix of blood and smoke and desperation.
Jude finally got his legs to work in the real world, but instead of moving forward to perform his duty, he turned, sprinting back toward the office building.
He collapsed inside, chest heaving and head swimming as he tried to find peace, calm, in the sensory nightmare unfolding around him. Everything felt like a Rorschach test, a meaningless blot of ink hisbrain latched onto and twisted into horrible memories. Jude was helpless to do anything but succumb to the distress. All the pain, all the violence he’d been witness to felt like tiny rips of his soul, all culminating in its total disfigurement.
He was a failure. A complete and utter failure that couldn’t do the one thing he was supposed to be an expert in: helping people. Saving them.
How was he supposed to do that?
He couldn’t even save himself.
CHAPTER 34
Jude
Jude had no memories of driving away from GHCO headquarters. He didn’t register stoplights or other cars or merging lanes. He didn’t realize that he drove around and around Philadelphia for hours until he was parked out front of Indira’s building, the dark night settled coolly around him.
He glanced at his phone, multiple texts and missed calls from Indira lighting up the screen. Jude blew out a long breath through his nose and pressed the back of his skull into the headrest.
A new notification buzzed through, and Jude glanced at the screen.
New Email
Subject: URGENT Assignment decision and travel details
