Page 113 of Salute, To Bravery
“Hello,” the receptionist said. “How may I help you?”
“I’m here for the Air Force women’s support group,” I whispered.
I was embarrassed. I know I shouldn’t be, but I was. Plenty of my friends had gone to therapy, so why should it be different for me?
“Right down the hall, the second door to the left, they meet once a week, Tuesdays at noon to one.” She handed me a pamphlet. “I hope to see you again.”
I nodded to her. “Thank you.”
I looked at the pamphlet, and then down the hallway. All of this felt too real; I wish I could drown this emotion with music or express it by playing my guitar. I wish the ground would swallow me whole. Feeling eyes on me, I looked around the room. No one was looking at me.Someone else deserves this more than I do.Shame and guilt swallowed me whole as the thought arose. I can’t help but feel it was true.
I walked down the hallway and entered the room. It was already full of about ten women, but there were two empty chairs, one of which was for Dorthy, the therapist, I assumed. Anxiety filled my every step, and I took a seat in one of the empty chairs.
The room smelled of poorly made coffee. The same pale blue color filled the walls and posters with different diagrams of emotions. I looked down at my hands and saw them shaking ever so slightly. Looking up from my hands, I saw a beautiful redhead walk up to me and smile.
“Hello, I’m Ophelia. We heard we were getting a new person today. On behalf of the group, I want to invite you to lunch with us. It’s on Sarah,” she pointed to the blonde girl, “and you can decide where we go, as long as it’s not too expensive,” she joked.
I stayed silent, not knowing what to say. Why is she so friendly? I was a stranger.
“What’s your name?” Ophelia asked, with a curious look on her round-freckled face.
“Violet, Violet Bride.”
“Oh, we’re doing last names as well.” Her laugh was intoxicating. “Well, I’m Ophelia Raven, and I would love to add you to the group chat as well. We have a group chat so we can support each other. One of us normally has a crisis about once a week.” She laughs again. “Normally it’s me. Anyway, is it okay?”
“Sure.” My voice was just a whisper.
I repeated my number to her, and she echoed it back to me.
I looked into her beautiful amber eyes and felt the anxiety wash away. I started to memorize her freckles, her small button nose, and her golden eyes. Just as I had Ophelia’s face memorized, the door opened, and a lady with a clipboard and a tablet came in, and everyone went to their seats.
“Hello everyone, I’m glad to see that we all made it through this week. I know some of you were expressing some trouble with sleeping, so that’s what we are going to be working through today, but first of all, we’re going to talk about Violet. Violet is new to the group. I’m not going to ask you to speak because that causes a great deal of anxiety for a lot of people.”
“Thank God,” I whispered, but it echoed off the walls. Everyone laughed. “Sorry, this is my first time going to therapy, and this is a lot.”
“It is a lot at first; having to face your emotions is hard, and that’s why I prefer group therapy rather than individual therapy. You are similar people from similar situations, and you can support each other.”
“It was hard for me in the beginning,” Ophelia stated. “I had more nightmares, and honestly, my anxiety had gotten worse. It got a lot better once I started to understand why my brain was acting the way it was. Even a simple movement of the hand usedto put me into a panic attack, but I’m a lot better now, thanks to you guys.”
“Aw, you’re too kind. You did that all yourself, girlfriend,” a lady with short hair like Ophelia said. “Ophelia doesn’t give herself enough credit for how much work she has done. She’s come so far.”
“Still have far to go, though.” She looked at her hands and started to pick at her nails.
“Stop putting yourself down like that, girl, you know better.” That’s when everyone started to pitch in, backing the short-haired girl.
“Oh, I’m Leanne, by the way,” the short-haired girl said. She walked to me and shook my hand. “Pleasure to meet you, Violet.”
“You see, here we support each other aggressively.” Dorthy laughed.
‘I need that,’ I thought to myself,‘maybe this won’t be as bad as I thought.’
The rest of the therapy session was amazing. I’d never felt this before, being seen. I didn’t even talk as much as the other people, but it was still inspiring. It was inspiring to hear their stories and their mental health struggles. It was freeing in a way.
“Hey, have you decided where we are taking you to lunch?” Ophelia asked me after the session.
“Yes, the Book Store Cafe,” I said. “It has amazing food and has cats and books,andit’s a flower shop, everything you would ever want from a cafe!”
“I’ve never heard of it. Thank God it wasn’t any fast-food restaurant, or I would be on the toilet for the next few days,” she joked.
