Page 139 of Salute, To Bravery
“Hey, Goofy. What are you doing here?”
“I need to talk to you.” I paused. “Could we go inside?”
He nodded and walked me towards the door. He opened the door for me like he always did. There was no shame in his black eyes. He probably didn’t even feel bad about how he treated Ophelia.
“Drink?” He walked over to the kitchen.
“No, thank you.” I held my hands still in front of my body. My anxiety felt like an ocean that lasted forever, and I was the only one in the shark-infested waters.
“So, what do you want to talk about, Goofy?”
“I don’t want to fight, I simply want a conversation.” It felt like there was a hurricane in my throat, full of words that I wanted to say and couldn’t bring myself to claim. I didn’t know where to start.How do I start this conversation?
“How you treated Ophelia at dinner was not okay. You dismissed her and her experiences with your lack of interest. She was expecting a different experience because I said that you were kind and that you would love her. You seemed to not even give her a chance.” I kept my voice as sturdy as I could.
I paused, trying to construct my next sentence. “You treated her like how you treated me when I came out to you. You dismissed me and then didn’t talk to me for a week. I want you to like her, Dad, but you aren’t giving her a fair chance.”
“Because it’s not natural! It’s against God.” His voice was full of rage. More anger than I’d ever heard from him, “I have supported you through everything, then you betrayed me by dating a girl. A girl who got kicked out of the Air Force!”
“You never supported me going into the Air Force.” I paused. Everything was falling into place like pieces to a puzzle. “I never told you she got kicked out of the Air Force.”
He paused, his eyes full of fear instead of bitterness. “I was friends with her sergeant, he told me that’s all.” His voice was controlled. Too controlled.
“No, he wasn’t your friend. You don’t have friends. Not ever since Mom passed away,” I paused again, having the hurricane beginning to come up my throat, “you sent Ophelia away, didn’t you?”
“Of course I did! She’s a bad influence, she’s taking you away from me. You are breaking God’s law with her. You would have never even thought of doing that until you met her.”
“I would go to the ends of the world for her,” I whispered, not meeting my dad’s eyes.
“You just proved my point.”
Disappointment was all I could feel. “I expected so much more from you. You don’t have the right to meddle in my life! You don’t have the right to send my girlfriend away. She is the love of my life.” I tried to keep my voice controlled.
“Lies,” he yelled.
I laughed carelessly. “What you and Mom had was special. What me and Ophelia have is special. Love is love, Dad. Why can’t you see that?”
He walked up to me. “I can fix you,” he grabbed my arms, and looked alarmed, “I can send you away. You can find God again. You will see you’re in the wrong.”
“You want to send me away, to fityourpicture of a perfect daughter, to fityourpicture of a perfect life.” Tears were streaming down my face. “You don’t love me.” I shook him off. “You love the idea of me. They were right.”
He looked at me like he didn’t recognize me.
“Bye,” I said. I grabbed my keys from my pocket and left towards the door.
“But—”
“If you won’t respect me, I’m leaving.” Anger was taking over my disappointment.
“Fine, leave,” he yelled after me.
So, I did. I left the house and drove away with the music blaring, just like he had always hated it. Tears flooded my eyes as I drove. I didn’t want to go back to my place. The house that my dad helped me pick out. The house that he had helped me payfor. I was going to be lonely without him. I knew that this was for the best. I had to finally love and choose myself.
Tears continued to stream down my face as I continued to blare the music to try to drown my emotions with the melodies of strangers. Some songs helped with that, while others made me more emotional. I hated it when I played all of my favorite songs. So here I was, riding an emotional roller coaster with songs by people I didn’t know.
I needed to write these emotions down and turn them into something beautiful.When I got home, I found my guitar in my music room and started to do random chords that sounded okay with each other.
Singing and songwriting were another form of release for me. The idea ofcrafting words together to make them a song full of emotion.
