Page 123 of Salute, To Bravery
“No,” she lifted my head and looked into my tearful eyes, “don’t let your brain bully you like that. You deserve to be here. You belong here. We are your people. We understand your pain. You served your country, you deserve to get help,” she said sternly.
“I can’t believe you,” I said, shaking my head.
“We’re gonna change that.” Leanne put my head back on her shoulder and allowed me to have my moment.
Soon, Dorthy came in, and the session started. Leanne stayed sitting next to me, holding my hand the entire time.
“Hello everyone,” Dorthy said. “Let’s get started.”
Everyone went around the circle and talked about their weeks, like we had in the last session. We each put our input into the situations, along with Dorthy. In no time, it was my turn.
My heart lurched.
“Hey, well, my week was fine. Ophelia asked me if I could be her girlfriend.”
Everyone went silent for a moment, my ears continued to ring again as everyone looked at each other, but then the room exploded with happy, sincere, congratulations.
“Thank you,” I said mournfully. “I miss her.”
“We all do; you’re not alone,” Sarah said.
“How’s the baby?” I questioned. Everyone seemed shocked by the quick change in subject. Even Dorthy noticed, but she allowed the conversation to go on.
“She’s good, healthy.” She rubbed her huge belly. “I’m so excited to meet her. I can’t wait.” She smiled.
“That’s great, but we are going to shift back to Violet for a moment,” Dorthy said, changing the subject. “I suggest not to date within groups. It’s not against policy, but it is highly frowned upon. But besides that, how are you doing, like, really doing?” Her brown eyes were piercing my soul.
“I’m…” I paused for a moment. “I don’t know.” I put my head into my hands. “My father doesn’t agree with me dating a female, then she gets sent across the world. Then, I feel like I’m intruding here. I know I’m not, but it still feels like it. I also feel like I don’t deserve this. Someone else who has a serious issue, a bigger issue—someone else deserves this spot more than me,” I said in one breath.
“Dear,” Dorthy said, “you deserve this spot as much as the next person. Don’t let your brain tell you otherwise. I would like you to start meditating on your thoughts and why you think them; even if it’s just five minutes a week, I would love for you to do that. I could write down some video channels that are fit for beginners.”
I nodded, and she smiled.
“That was very brave of you,” Leanne whispered in my ear.
“Thank you.”
It was hard to admit that I had self-loving issues. It was hard to admit that I had any issues because someone else had it worse, and I didn’t want to disappoint anyone. I’d always been the perfect girl. I didn’t want to change that.
But I guess that changed today.
I wasn’t perfect, and I wasn’t useless. Just because someone else has issues doesn’t mean that my issues are any less traumatic.I am who I am, and I need to be proud of that.
I couldn’t do that alone… I needed someone by my side. I needed Leanne, Sarah, andOpheliaby my side. But most importantly, I neededmeby my side.
Chapter Nine.
Ophelia
Iwoke up to the same song, To The Colors, and like clockwork, I made my bed and got dressed. I headed to the dining hall, still trying to seem a little bit awake. As I loaded my plate with food, anxiety slowly dripped in. As I looked for a place to eat, anxiety crept into my skin as if it were my nightmares from last night.
Time to make some friends.
“Is it okay if I sit here?” I asked a random group of strangers. They were sitting at the back of the dining hall; my type of people.
“Sure,” the blonde-haired male answered. “Have a seat!”
I sat and ate quietly, trying not to bring attention to myself. I hated eating with new people. The anxiety that came with it was a different type of unease; it was like they could see right through me. It was like a bomb that I didn’t know was coming.
