Page 54 of A Labor of Hate
I nodded.That was a feeling Dekker and I understood too well.Helplessness.Frustration.Desperation.A potent mix if ever I’ve experienced one.
“The courts still wanted me to have time with my mom, so I’d alternate between her place and Dad’s.With the divorce and her addiction, I never knew what to expect.Sometimes I’d bring boxes of macaroni and cheese from my dad’s just so I could have a guaranteed meal while I visited her.”
I wasn’t sure what possessed me to do it.Maybe it was the fact that I knew to some extent exactly what he’d been through seeing a loved one lose themselves to addiction.Maybe it was because he needed the comfort.Or I did.But I placed my hand over his.And instead of pulling away, he gently squeezed mine back.
“It continued like that for several years until I graduated high school.”He shrugged a shoulder, staring blankly at the wall.“Maybe it was the realization she’d missed so many years of her only child’s life, or maybe it was something entirely different.But, she finally accepted she needed help and was willing to do something about it.”
I held my breath, a silent plea at the forefront of my thoughts.Please don’t let her have a fatal relapse like Dominick.Anything but that.
Colt offered a small smile.“She’ll be nine years sober this fall.”
I couldn’t stop my grin, even if I wanted to.My family didn’t get that same happy ending, but at least his did.“That’s fantastic, Colt.”
“It sure is.She’s the reason I wanted to join the FBI in the first place, probably much like your brother inspired you.”
Huh.Guess we had some things in common outside of our job titles after all.
My mind spun through all he’d told me, paired with my own observations.His predictability, his routine, his need for control.Even his comment at dinner about the fries at HopCat.He didn’t drink coffee, let alone alcohol.Much of his childhood was chaotic and unpredictable, and he’d suffered for it.It would only make sense that he’d avoid that same fate now in whatever ways he could.As if he could retroactively change the past by controlling everything about his present.
I bit my lip, debating whether to ask him if any of my conclusions held any merit.He’d been in a sharing mood thus far, and I wouldn’t risk anything by taking advantage of that.
“Is that the real reason you drink apple juice instead of coffee?To avoid anything addicting?”
He huffed softly, the corner of his mouth tipping upward.“Should’ve known you’d figure it out eventually.”
“Yeah, it only took me two months and a newly discovered hatred for apple juice to do it,” I teased.“Guess I should’ve paid more attention in my psych classes in college.”
“Ugh, I’m glad you didn’t.The fact you razzed me about my eccentricities without psychoanalyzing me to my face was oddly refreshing.”
“In that case, you’re welcome.”
He arched a brow.“Don’t misunderstand, that wasnota request for more.”
“Aw, come on.Where’s your sense of adventure?”
“Were you listening to anything I said?”
I bit back a smile at his exasperated look and squeezed his hand.“I was, I promise.And I’m really glad you shared it with me.”
And that was the truth.
Colt had finally pulled back the curtain on his life, and it changedeverything.I’d thought he was an uptight stick in the mud because his only love in life was the rule book.Because he thought his habits and discipline made him better than everyone else, and he relished the superiority.But it was more than that—hewas more than that.
Understanding what makes someone tick changes how you perceive them.This whole week, my perception of Colt had slowly been tilting on its axis.Now, it flipped a complete one-eighty.
He considered me for a moment, his dark eyes flicking over my face and his full lips pursed.“I’m glad I did, too.”
Warmth spread through my chest.Goodbye, trapeze.Hello, clouds.As far as I was concerned, our truce was back in effect.And maybe I was more relieved about that than I cared to admit.
He reluctantly freed his hand from mine, his fingers trailing a path of fire down mine as he stood.I tried not to stare as he stretched, his shirt pulling tight across his lithe form.
Okay, maybe I didn’t try very hard.So, sue me.A girl could admire beautiful things every now and then.
He offered a hand to help me up, which I accepted.I’d had enough blueberry girl floundering for the month, thank you very much.The contact, innocent as it was, sent a thrill dancing up my arm and into my heart until it skipped a beat.Huh.
As he pulled me up and held me by the upper arms, searching my eyes with his infinite ones, my stomach flipped and dropped.Every inch he touched buzzed with awareness.Goosebumps erupted over my skin, and my mouth went conspicuously dry.
“Are you alright now?”he asked, tipping my chin up to examine my puffy and pink face.“Because I believe I have some business to attend to concerning Liam.”
