Page 25 of A Labor of Hate
CHAPTERNINE
“LAMAZE’S GOALIS for you to feel confident, supported, and powerful as you navigate your path through pregnancy, birth, and parenthood, and as you ask questions and make decisions,” Miss Karma instructed.
Yeah, I know, an unfortunate surname if ever I’d heard one.But it fit her perfectly.
Miss Trudy Karma stood a good six inches shorter than me—which was impressive in and of itself, considering how little I had to offer the height gods of the world—and looked as if a solid breeze would blow her over.And yet, I didn’t think I’d ever been more terrified of a woman in my life.Her eyes were a slate gray that stared into your soul, and, judging by the tightness of her thin lips when I walked into the room, she didn’t care for what she saw in mine.Her smile was somehow both comforting and predatory, like she’d massage your shoulders when you were in pain or bite your kneecaps off if you crossed her.Ultimately, she was someone I wanted in my corner.
So far, she hadn’t taught me anything I hadn’t already read from the Lamaze website—including the goal almost word-for-word—but I’d managed to claim the spot next to the now bodyguard-less Gauthiers, so I didn’t mind the repetition.Plus, if I already knew this stuff, I could pay more attention to covertly watching Vivienne.
Charles,Le Chimistehimself, focused on Miss Karma like a police K-9, unwavering and soaking everything in.The only other person worthy of his attention was his wife, who held his hand in hers as she listened with equal intensity.I didn’t think it was possible to be hardcore Lamazers, and yet, here they were.
Based on our limited interaction in the lobby before class, our best bet at getting close to Gauthier lay in Vivienne’s lonely, secluded hands.Charles hadn’t shown the faintest desire to interact with anyone, least of all Colt or me when we’d politely said hello and introduced ourselves as the class slowly filled with people.Vivienne, however, continued our pockets discussion until Charles squeezed her hand.By then, Miss Karma had situated herself at the front of the class, so any other opportunities for conversation were gone.
For now.
“What about you, miss?”
I froze, my heart galloping as I realized too late Miss Karma asked a question and apparently singled me out as the unlucky sap to answer it.Or attempted to, anyway.I internally kicked myself for analyzing Vivienne and Charles’ couple dynamic instead of at least half-heartedly listening.Normally, I could wing it or try to B.S.my way out of answering.But now, with the Gauthiers watching me, my mouth could only open and close like a sad guppy.
As sweat began to collect on my palms—ew—Colt leaned down to whisper in my ear.“Let labor begin on its own.”
It left much to be desired in the romance department as far as sweet nothings to whisper to your spouse, but it was all I had.Hopefully he wasn’t jumping on the opportunity to embarrass me.If so, I’d stuff his iron into our mailbox until further notice.
“Um” —I swallowed hard— “let labor begin on its own?”
Miss Karma smiled, her attention lingering on Colt.“Precisely!And that, class, was a prime example of the importance of having a loved one with you for continuous support.Any guesses on what number that one is in our Six Lamaze Healthy Birth Practices?”
I squirmed in my seat, counting the number of scuff marks on the worn tiles underfoot.Colt had saved me.He’d had the perfect opportunity to humiliate me, but he hadn’t taken it.If I didn’t know him better, I’d almost think it was because he hadn’t realized the power he’d wielded.Colt was many, many things.Nit-picky.Haughty.Condescending.Annoying.But he wasn’t stupid.
When Miss Karma had moved on to torment other unsuspecting couples, I leaned into Colt, keeping my voice low.“Thank you.For having my back, I mean.”
He remained silent for a beat, watching Miss Karma in case she decided to target us once she realized I wasn’t paying enough attention yet again.When he finally responded, I had to strain to hear.“As much as I want to bask in what is easily the nicest thing you’ve said to me the entire time we’ve known each other, I won’t pretend I did it selflessly.Clearly the Gauthiers are taking this seriously, as am I.”He turned to meet my eyes, his own issuing a challenge.“Areyou?”
I fumed inwardly, wiping my face of emotion so I didn’t scald the mousy brown bun on the top of Miss Karma’s head from my stare alone.Even if I had been paying attention, it wouldn’t have been unheard of for a student to forget the information they’d been told exactly once only seconds ago.Or maybe panic for being singled out.I hadn’t risked our cover by zoning out, only my pride.
Here I was, fake-pregnant and fake-married to my nemesis.That had to count for something, right?I’d already initiated contact with Vivienne and managed to build more rapport with her than Colt had with either of the Gauthiers.I’d even looked up the Lamaze website while we were out in the lobby so I’d know more about what to expect beyond thehee hee hoo hoobreathing, but he thought I’d tuned Miss Karma out because I wasn’t invested enough?
My indignation simmered down as the minutes ticked on.Holding a grudge was significantly harder to do while watching Miss Karma hoist a jar of M&Ms into the air and lunge in place.
Yeah, don’t ask.
Guilt took over, churning my stomach like a vat of bubbling tar.It may not have been unusual for any other student to freeze up and zone out, but Colt knew me better than that.Iwasbetter than that.I should’ve been paying more attention.Thinking about our next moves and our true motives for being here wasn’t bad, necessarily, but it was something LexPiperthe FBI agent would do.AlexandrineMartinthe dance instructor would likely be focused on the class she’d supposedly paid for, especially when it was supposed to help her through what was potentially the most excruciating and terrifying experience of her life.
For all my loathing toward Colt, he wasn’t wrong.Realizing that hurt.And I think if I had to admit it to him, I’d prefer to give birth.
“Now” —Miss Karma clapped her hands together, a gleeful smile on her face— “let’s move on to the next part of today’s class: coping with the aches and pains of pregnancy.Remember, you’re making an entire human being.You aregoddesses.You are powerful.And, sometimes, you get leg cramps.”
A ripple of chuckles spread through the room.
Um, leg cramps?No one told methatwas a pregnancy side effect.Nausea and vomiting, sure.Mood swings and weird cravings?Oh, yeah.But leg cramps?What other evil things were in store for these poor people around me?
“What else have you experienced as far as discomforts go?”Miss Karma asked, oblivious to my dread.“Come on, just shout them out.”
“Back pain!”
“Hip pain!”
“Lightning crotch!”
