Page 53 of Where Are You Now
The man cleared his throat into the microphone, the sound bouncing off the high ceiling. “Please, open to page 217, ‘Be Thou My Vision.’”
The congregation buzzed with the sound of hymnals sliding out of the back of the wooden pews and opening, people finding their pages. The preacher sat down in an ornately carved chair.
The choir behind the preacher began to sing, their elderly voices a bit off-key, but their conviction enough to keep Ava’s attention. The women put their hands to their hearts, their eyes closed as they sang, and a couple of the men held out their arms in an external expression of their faith. The congregation rose, joining in.
Ava and Lucas also stood. Ava opened to the page, but had mentally slipped back into the moment when she was in the emptiness. She didn’t have half the passion these people had, and they hadn’t experienced the all-absorbing love that Ava had felt that day. Yet there they all were, lost in their moment of connection to the divine. Was it their age that made them so convicted? Or was it their life experiences? Yes, they’d probably seen a lot in their lifetimes—more than Ava had. She’d been so focused on work and the day-to-day of this life that before the accident she hadn’t stopped to consider that her very salvation hung in the balance. Was the jury still out on that? Was she in some kind of faith gray area?
She knew she didn’t go to heaven by her works, but had she done enough to really connect with her savior? Had shebuilt her faith to be unbreakable, like these people seemed to have done? It was very possible she’d been in divine presence, and she’d chosen to let her job lead her thoughts. She’d spent days going about her worldly business, and she hadn’t once asked God what the plan was. Even today, she’d been sitting at her mother’s computer, trying to figure out what to do. The reality smacked her in the face: God had taken away all her big plans to show her that she wasn’t the one in charge of her life. He was.
She wanted to fall to her knees right there in the church pew. Tears pricked her eyes, and she blinked to keep them from spilling down her cheeks.
I’m sorry I wasn’t more appreciative of your love.I’m sorry I didn’t let you guide me. She sent the thought up into the air, hoping it would reach God.
Lucas glanced at her out of the corner of his eye, his brows pulling together, sensing her emotion. He took her hand. The gesture was exactly what she needed.
When the choir had finished, the preacher stepped back up to the podium, and they all took their seats. Lucas released his grip on her hand.
“Let me call upon Galatians chapter five, verse thirteen,” the preacher said in his Southern drawl, his voice echoing in the small sanctuary. He began reading the verse.
A hushed rattling took over the church as everyone located the spot in their Bibles.
“This world can often seem constricting. It can make us feel as if we’re here only to serve the worldly.”
Ava stifled a gasp, giving the preacher her entire attention.
“We’re inundated with schedules and tasks. Our kids’ and grandkids’ days are filled to the brim with activities, and we have to fit ourselves into their timetables. I don’t know about y’all, but I’m old and tired. Too tired to keep a time clock.”
The congregation chuckled, nodding their heads. Dorothy winked at Ava.
“Galatians says we were called to have freedom. We’re meant to be free.”
Ava considered how free she’d felt in New York after her divorce. She’d been able to do anything her heart desired, and she’d chosen to work. Was that what God had meant by “freedom”? She doubted it. She could’ve prayed about her marriage, tried to see other points of view, consulted her mom, worked at the relationships in her life. And she’d done none of it.
As if answering her question, the preacher continued, “Only, we are not to use that freedom for the flesh, but through love to serve one another.”
There it was, plain as day. She’d been living her life in a way that most likely wasn’t what God had intended. He wanted her to be free, and not alone.
Live out the rest of your life.
Originally, she’d assumed the voice had meant her to live out the rest of her life freely, as in go back to her regular days. But maybe the reason she was struggling was because that life no longer worked for her. She needed to serve others instead of herself. Her confusion about her life had been what had drawn her to the church. She’d been hoping to get answers. Well, she got them all right.
The preacher continued, but Ava already had already received her message. She’d heard it loud and clear. So what should she do with it? That question rolled around in her mind the rest of the service.
“I enjoyed having y’all,” Dorothy said after the service. She shifted her cane from one hand to the other. “I don’t get out much, and I love to chat with people. Church gives me that once a week.”
Lucas offered afriendly nod.
“Thank y’all for comin’ today,” the preacher said, walking up to them. “I’m Pastor Jim Thomas.” He offered a hand to Lucas and then to Ava. “It’s nice to see some new blood in the congregation.”
Dorothy patted the preacher on the back and then began chatting with another couple coming down the walk.
“It was a really great service,” Ava said to the preacher.
“Y’all plannin’ on comin’ back next Sunday?”
“I’ll be flying back to New York next Sunday. I’m here visiting my mom, but I’m going to tell her what a wonderful service it was. Maybe she’ll pop in.”
“I might be back next Sunday,” Lucas said, to Ava’s utter surprise.
