Page 46 of Where Are You Now
Ava put her thumb on top of the reel like her dad had taught her and gripped the end of the rod with her other hand. Then, she cast the line while Lucas rooted around in the box for another bait, eventually finding one and baiting his line.
“When was the last time you went fishing?” she asked.
He closed the box. “I couldn’t tell you.”
“I was the same until I got here. I got wrapped up in New York and city culture, and for a while I felt like I had some kind of insider secret for success that people out here didn’t know. But now I wonder if it’s the other way around.”
“We both did well for ourselves, though. We became successful people. Pretty good for two farm kids from rural Tennessee.”
“True. But at what cost?”
That shroud of contemplation fell upon him once more. Ava wanted to ask, but she’d promised not to.
“Would you change your life if you could do it over, knowing what you know now?” he asked.
She reeled in her line a little. “I don’t know. I’d say I wouldn’t have gotten onto the highway that day, but if I hadn’t, I wouldn’t be here right now, fishing.”
He looked at her, heaviness in his stare. “I’d change it all.”
His answer surprised her. “Really?”
“Yeah.”
“What would you have changed first?”
“I’d have gone into farming and lived on the land and let hard work outweigh the course of success. I’d be somewhere else—away from everything.” He put air quotes around the word “success.”
That would mean that he wouldn’t be there fishing with her, so he’d gladly give that up to change his life. Lucas had to know that. The reality of that set in. She was chasing him, and he’d made it pretty clear by avoiding her that he’d never really wanted to be chased. He was just too kind to say so.
Her directive was to find him, but nothing more. Would that be because the directive was open-ended or because Lucas wouldn’t be receptive to her advances? She hadn’t set out to chase him, only to find him. But now, Ava couldn’t imagine not seeing him.
She was floundering. Her well-ordered world had been shaken by the accident, and—God’s voice or no voice—she was struggling to figure out what she was doing. Sure, she felt at ease on the lake with Lucas, but was that because of some inner need to return to the familiarity of her childhood? To protect her from the fact that her life was a mess after the accident?
While Lucas was dealing with something, at least he knew what he wanted instead of this. He’d prefer to be a farmer. What did she prefer to be? She didn’t know. And now she was pursuing him like some sort of schoolgirl, resting on old memories to keep their conversation afloat.
But she couldn’t deny the way he made her feel. Right or wrong, regressing to her childhood or not, Ava was enjoying getting to know this version of Lucas. She’d known everything about his childhood, and now, he was such a mystery to her.
“What are you thinking about?” He cut into the silence.
Holding her thoughts in wouldn’t do her any favors. It would be best to know where he stood. “How if you changedeverything, you most likely wouldn’t be here with me right now.” She reeled in her line and recast it, her pulse thumping.
“Don’t you wonder, though, if somehow, we’d still be here—if it were meant to be? Even if our choices had been different?”
Her heart sang with his answer and relief flooded her. She wanted to throw her arms around him right then, but she knew better.
“That’s very unscientific of you, Dr. Phillips.”
He allowed a smile. “Yeah, well, I’m not the doctor you think I am.”
“Want to elaborate on that?”
He shook his head. “I’d rather not.”
“Fate is a nice thought, isn’t it?” Should she tell him about her near-death experience? Would she scare him off? Maybe she shouldn’t just yet …
A tug on her line distracted her. She pulled back and reeled, the line bending, and she hoped again that it was the bass her father had promised. When the fish came out of the water, she grabbed hold of it.
“You caught yourself a trout. It’s a nice size,” Lucas said.
