Page 34 of Where Are You Now
“That makes sense. My dad was my favorite person, andhis death was painful. My mom and I were the only ones left, and we avoided grieving him. We just got on with life.”
“It’s great that you can verbalize that. It might be worth setting up some grief counseling to help you manage those old feelings if they begin to affect you negatively.”
“Okay.”
The doctor put her glasses back on and consulted her screen. “Have you noticed any changes in your sleeping habits?”
“Only last night. I had a nightmare. But sleeping is okay.”
“No other concerns? No unusual dreaming patterns, apart from last night?”
“Nope. Just the one night.”
“All right. Keep an eye on it, and if you find the nightmares popping up more frequently, call us and let us know.”
Ava nodded.
“What about your interpersonal relationships? Have you found yourself clinging to anyone or obsessively wanting to be with anyone?”
That was murky territory. Should she tell this random woman about her near-death experience and her obsession with finding Lucas? And then should she tell her about how he’d been on her mind all day and how disappointed she was that he wasn’t there, especially since she’d promised not to push him? Should she delve into the fact that she knew her days in Nashville were limited, and there was no way she was leaving him without knowing what was wrong? And even then, could she leave him and go back to her regular life?
“Are you having any obsessive thoughts or feeling clingy to anyone?” the doctor repeated.
“Oh, sorry. Nope. All good,” said Ava.
Chapter Ten
On their way home from her session at Vanderbilt that afternoon, Ava told her mom about Lucas’s absence.
“I can’t believe he didn’t come,” she said, dropping her appointment card for tomorrow’s testing in the cup holder.
The prospect of seeing him had been the light in the darkness of her lost promotion, and now, even that had fallen apart.
“Maybe he wants time alone to work through whatever it is he’s dealing with, and you interfere with that.”
“I just want to help.”
Her mother put the car in gear. “You’re so used to your incredible efforts getting you want you want, but sometimes less is more. You have no control over this.”
“You’re so right,” Ava said. “What do I do then?”
“The only other time you didn’t have control was when your dad died. How did you deal with that?”
“I worked. I worked to hide from myself.”
“Then maybe you should see what happens when youdon’t try to hide. When you just breathe and let the situation be what it is.”
Once they were back at the cabin, Ava sat by the lake trying to do that. She eyed her dad’s fishing poles still wrapped in paper.
I wish I could talk to you right now, Dad. You always had the answers. I just lost everything I’ve worked for. I don’t know where to go from here. And now I’ve found Lucas again, but he’s MIA, and I’m struggling to know the purpose in that. There was no way God sent me back just to say hello and let Lucas leave again. I need a grounding force. Please show me a sign that you’re with us.
A fish jumped, but that had been happening since she’d been there. Ava scanned the tree line, the water, the clouds—anywhere she could get an answer from her dad, but there was nothing.
“Whatcha doing?” Martha asked, coming outside.
“Just wishing I could talk to Dad.”
“Mm.” Her mother crossed her cardigan over her chest. She peered out across the water. “It’s actually chilly.”
