Page 30 of Where Are You Now
“I … wanted another position.” He tipped his glass of wine against his lips and downed half of it. The tension in his shoulders made it clear that even divulging that much pained him.
There was definitely more to it. Ava set her glass on the table and folded her arms.
“I admitted to you that I’m a loveless, detached workaholic, and all you’re going to say is you wanted a different job?”
This time, there was no smile, no small rise in his features.
“Ava …” He rose to his feet. “I’m really sorry, but I can’t do this.”
“Do what? Talk and eat cheese?”
“You know what I mean.”
She stood and looked up at him. “No, I really don’t know what you mean.”
“I’m not … good around people anymore. Thank you for everything, but I have to go.”
She put a hand on his arm. “I don’t know what’s eating at you, but I can tell it’s something. From this moment forward, I won’t press you, I promise. But you have to direct me as to what you feel comfortable saying because I’m not a mind reader, and I just want to know what’s going on with my old friend. That’s all.”
“I’m not comfortable saying anything. I’m not comfortable at all right now.” He set his glass on the table. “I need to go.”
“What about fishing?” she scrambled.
He didn’t answer.
“We never finished my testing. Will you at least be there if I come back to finish it?”
“I don’t know.”
“I can’t let you walk away again without knowing how to reach you. I promise not to call if you don’t want me to,but will you give me your number so I don’t lose you again?”
He faced her. “What good is my number if you can’t use it?”
A flurry of sadness tickled her chest. “I’ll keep it for emergencies. It’s more reliable than notes or emails.”
His eyes glassed over with emotion.
Something big had happened to Lucas in adulthood that had changed him. She had this cosmic need to be near him again, and he wasn’t available for it. Why would God tell her to find him if he wasn’t receptive to her at all? What was the point in that? She couldn’t help but fear she hadn’t fulfilled her part of the bargain. But what exactly was the bargain? She didn’t have all the rules. And now she was losing Lucas for a second time, and she didn’t want that to happen.
She pulled her phone from her back pocket, opened up her contacts to a blank page, and held out her phone. “Please.”
Hesitantly, he took it, typed in his number, and handed it back. “I’ll help you get the crackers and cheese inside,” he said.
“No, it’s fine. Leave it. I’ll walk you to the front.”
Together, they went around the cabin and out to the driveway, stopping at his Range Rover.
“I want you, specifically, to finish out my testing. If you show up, I’ll keep it strictly business.”
“Thank you.”
Ava gazed at her long-lost favorite person, wishing things could be different between them. There had to be more to finding him than this. Would the reason be made clear at some point? How could she ever get to know the grown version of him if she wasn’t allowed to ask him anything? What was he holding back? And given his demeanor today, did she want to know this side of him?
“Well, I’ll see ya,” Lucas said.
“So I’ll see you tomorrow?”
Lucas didn’t answer, unsaid words on his lips.
