Page 84 of Where Are You Now
“And text me whenever,” Lucas said.
She pulled him to her and embraced him. “I’ll be back as soon as I can.”
“All right.” He looked down at her. “Don’t miss your flight. Go.”
She tore her gaze from him, took a step back, and turned around. As she rushed to the screening area, she looked back over her shoulder. Lucas was still there, watching her leave. She achedfor him already. With all her determination, she handed her license and ticket to the TSA agent and then threw her bags and shoes into a bin for security check. Once cleared and through the metal detectors, she raced to her gate, boarding just in time.
She sank into her seat and closed her eyes to hide the tears that moistened them. Only mildly sore from her injuries, she’d come a long way emotionally since the last time she’d been aboard a plane. But given whom she’d left behind in the airport, she still had a long way to go.
Ava’s sideached by the time she’d landed in New York, retrieved her bags, and then taken public transport to her apartment. Having made it all the way to her floor, she was exhausted, both physically and mentally. She’d had to keep a quicker pace, rush through the terminals and down the streets of Manhattan. The crowds were unforgiving. And the whole time, she missed her mom and Lucas. She missed themalready. How would she ever get through the months ahead without them?
She let herself into her apartment and dropped her bags at her feet. Wincing, she squeezed her sore shoulder in an attempt to release the tension. Flying across states had been quite demanding. She’d definitely wait a few days before scheduling her physical therapy, that was for sure.
Abandoning her suitcases and tossing her book onto the coffee table, Ava went into her small kitchen and opened the fridge. Her mom had cleaned out most of it before they’d left. There was nothing to eat, and she was starving. She pulled out her phone and called in Chinese delivery, ordering enough for the next few days. Then, she went over to the living area and collapsed on the sofa.
While lying there, she texted Lucas to tell him she’d made it to her apartment.
Through heavy eyes, she peered around at her environment. It felt like a different life entirely. At what had been the pinnacle of her adult success, nominated as a candidate for partner, this apartment had been her trophy. She’d spent all those hours and days pushing herself to her outermost limits, working the whole day, and then designing and remodeling at night. And now, it was just an apartment. What good was it when she didn’t have anyone to share it with?
Ava noticed her solitude now because she’d been reunited with something she’d been missing in her adult life: love. The voice in the void had wrapped her in it and—she understood now—had sent her back to find it.
By locating Lucas, she’d discovered the one person outside of her family who she’d been able to love because she’d met him before the world, death, and adulthood had tainted her. She’d met him when she’d had the full capacity to love, and by finding him again, she’d opened herself back up to that side of her.
Ava had wanted to go home and return to her job to see if she could get back to the life she’d built for herself, but without her loved ones, all of these things around her paled in comparison. They no longer fulfilled her. She didn’t need them to make her whole anymore.
Suddenly, everything made sense. The command “Find Lucas Phillips and live out the rest of your life”wasn’t a two-pronged request, but rather a single one. The word “and” could have been replaced by the word “to.” Find Lucastolive out the rest of your life, because what she really needed to do was live in love. And right now, there was no love in this apartment.
As Ava lay there waiting for her dinner to arrive, she stared at the book her mother had gotten her sitting on hercoffee table. She’d finished it on the plane. It blurred in front of her as she slipped into the memory of the void. She hadn’t given much discerning thought to the quiet presence she’d felt there. She’d assumed the company she’d felt in the void was God, but the feeling was detached from the voice.
Back at the cabin, when she was with all the people God had put in her life, she’d caught that largemouth bass. Had her dad actually been in the void, hiding in the shadows? Had the presence been him? The more Ava thought about it, the more she believed that the feeling of someone being there was actually something other than the voice. It was with her, not of her— which was the way the voice had felt. They were two, not one.
Her skin prickled with the idea that her dad might have been with her all the time, but he’d hung back so she’d return to her life. Because maybe he, too, wanted her to be with Lucas. He’d said it himself when he’d taken them fishing as kids. He’d pulled her aside and told her that any man who could fish like Lucas and hold a conversation with him all afternoon would be husband material for his daughter. And it had been Lucas who was fishing with her yesterday when she’d caught that bass.
Lucas Phillips was what her dad had wanted for her. Though regardless of what he’d wanted, Lucas was the man she wanted for herself.
But Lucas had a different future. He’d had a life with his fiancée, Elise. The only thing that had pulled them apart was his reaction to the accidental death of his patient. Ava had helped him deal with that trauma. And now he’d bought a home big enough for a family, and he was going to call Elise.
Regardless of Ava’s feelings on the matter, there was still the work issue. There was still a side of her that wanted to have purpose. She enjoyed working, and while she’d definitely takea different approach, balancing other things in her life, she did still want to feel fulfilled.
Ava closed her eyes and sent up a prayer.I need one last miracle. Show me what to do next. I don’t know which way to go. She focused on the back of her eyelids because the darkness there felt like the void. She strained her mind, hoping to hear something. The minutes ticked by until they didn’t. And she’d drifted off.
When she surfaced again, Ava wasn’t sure how long she’d been asleep. She checked her phone: 7:30. She’d been out for a coupleof hours. Her door buzzer would wake the dead, and it had been silent. Where was her dinner? Her shoulders slumped. That particular restaurant did stay busy, and she’d called right at the start of the dinner hour.
Welcome to New York City, where it takes two hours to get food delivered.
She’d give them another thirty minutes and then call them back to let them know she hadn’t received her food.
Ava yawned and sat up, her torso pulling at the location of the stitches. She rubbed the spot and blinked, trying to wake up.
Lucas had asked her to text him when she’d arrived, and she had, but he hadn’t come back to her. They were already on different schedules. She blew a heavy breath through her lips. No dinner. No text. All alone. Back to reality.
She went into her bathroom and clicked on the light illuminating the small space. She’d chosen marbled tiles to give it a wider appearance, but now, it simply served its function. She didn’t care what it looked like. She just wanted a shower. She turned the knob to let the water heat up and went into her bedroom drawer to get a comfy set of pajamas.
When the steam billowed up from the tap in the tub, she pulled the shower latch, undressed, and stepped into the warm spray. The wet heat calmed her aching body, soothing everynerve. She leaned back and tipped her head under the water. Then, she lathered her hair with lavender shampoo. As her muscles relaxed, the weight of all she’d been through washed off her skin and down the drain.
After she’d conditioned and washed every inch of her body, she combed out her hair, neatly wrapped her head in a fluffy towel, dried off, and slipped on her bathrobe. She went back to the front of the house and retrieved her suitcases, bringing them into her bedroom. Then, she dug around in her toiletries for her lotions and applied them to her face and skin.
Feeling more like herself, she unpacked her things and put her suitcases in her closet.
