Page 77 of Where Are You Now
“I thought of Dad last night too, actually. Mine was sort of half-dream, half-memory. He had his arm around me and Lucas.”
“He’s been with us both lately then,” Martha said with a dreamy gaze.
Ava ran her hand along the book. “Do you think it’s really him? Or do we both just miss him so much that we conjured him?”
“I don’t know,” Martha replied. “I hope it’s really him.”
“I know I shouldn’t, but I still feel cheated by not getting to at least say hi to him. I coded and crossed over—I’m certain of it—and I didn’t get to see him. I know why now, but I just want confirmation that he’s with us somehow.”
“Me too. After the dream, I woke up in the middle of the night with the most delicious feeling of having been with him. I got out of bed and started researching to see if there were any accounts of people seeing their loved ones when itwasn’ta near-death experience.”
“Did you find anything?” Ava asked, flipping through the book and then inspecting the back cover.
“Not really. Only people who claimed to have dreams like I had, but nothing definitive. I did, however, come across that book, so I thought I’d get it for you.”
“Maybe we can sit outside by the lake with our breakfast and read.” Ava waved the paperback in the air.
“That would be wonderful,” Martha said. “Then perhaps this afternoon we could stop by Seam & Stitch to see the sample bag. They said it’s ready. It would be great to have your opinion.”
“Definitely.”
A few minutes later, with a plate of warm apple cinnamon French toast in hand and a blanket under her arm, Ava took her new book outside. She wrapped the blanket around her shoulders and sat at the table. Martha took the seat across from her with her breakfast and novel. As they settled in and opened their books, the birds who’d hung around for the autumn season chirped in the trees and the water sang its static lullaby. Otherwise, the world fell away and the soft peace of morning blanketed Ava.
Her mind returned to the thought of sitting in her New York apartment in silence. She could put on a recording of nature sounds, but the underlying quiet would be different. Even without the sounds of nature, this silence was unique because there was a knowing that came with it, a conscious awareness that her mother was still there, a oneness between herself and her mom.
Ava turned her focus inward and began to read the introduction of the book. The section before the stories explained a general understanding of thefindings that occurred with all accounts, which drew Ava’s interest. What had happened to the man who’d hit her car? Was he facing the void right now? Was he lost in it somewhere, or was he receiving answers? She made a conscious decision not to think about it. The driver’s journey in life and beyond was his own, and she had to focus on hers.
She read about the sense of transcendence of time and space for all who’d faced a near-death experience and found herself nodding in agreement. But as she read on, something stuck out.
“Many experience a shift in their lives, moving from more ego-centric and external motivations to a greater sense of sympathy for self and love of others. They no longer care about the material world; their focus entirely on the emotional and spiritual.”
While Ava had attended church recently, something she hadn’t done since she was a girl, she hadn’t moved entirely out of her material world. She was still motivated by her new job. After following the command she’d heard in the void, Ava felt that everything happened for a reason, and she was sure life was much bigger than the moments she spent on earth, but she also had a strong need to participate in her surroundings, to show up. Perhaps that trait was so strong within her that it couldn’t be entirely removed.
“You’ve beenquiet since this morning,” Martha said from the driver’s seat on the way to Seam & Stitch that afternoon.
“Just contemplative,” Ava said.
“About?”
Ava squinted at the blurred scenery passing by the passenger-side window. “Life, really. I’m trying to figure out what I want to do with mine.”
Her mother put on her blinker and switched lanes. “I thought you were excited about that new position they offered you.”
“I should be. I mean, I am. But it feels like something’s amiss.”
“You’ve had a huge disruption to your life. You’ve pressed on like you always do, but you might need some time to emotionally heal from everything.”
“Yeah, you’re right.”
Martha pulled the car to a stop outside the small sewing shop, nestled in a strip mall on the edge of the city. They got out and went inside. When Martha told the woman behind the counter who she was, she knew right away.
“Oh, yes. Cammy was doing your sewing. I’ll go get her.”
While they waited, Ava browsed the row of fabrics. She inspected the silky surface of one of the spools. She loved matching textures and shades of color. In her marketing work, Ava used color to evoke certain emotions. With the clothing company High-Craft Organic, she’d chosen a monochromatic palette of earth tones to highlight the nature of the products; with Bubbles Soap Company and Clover Candles, she’d used pastels to suggest calm and relaxation, and on the SpeedBykes account, she’d chosen orange to convey excitement and enthusiasm. Her ads were clean, sharp, and bold in their color choices.
“Look, Ava,” Martha called from the counter.
Ava left a spool of burlap and went over to introduce herself to Cammy.
