Page 63 of Where Are You Now
She rolled her eyes. “Are you done?”
“I work on the brain enough to know, Ava.” He took a sip from his glass.
The only way to get Lucas to fully understand the significance of what she’d gone through was to tell himeverything. And given that he’d divulged his entire story to her, she owed it to him.
“I thought I’d gone crazy. And it took me a while to figure out what had actually happened. But I felt a presence, and the voice spoke to me.”
He stared at her with a steady gaze.
“I was given a choice that included you. The voice said, ‘Find Lucas Phillips and live out the rest of your life, or pass on peacefully.’ I chose to live to save myself.”
His face crumpled in confusion. “You heardmyname?”
Ava leaned in and took his wine from him, setting it on the coffee table. “I hadn’t seen you in years. There was no reason to think of your name specifically. And I’m telling you, Lucas, it was a genuine experience. I was still me, but my body was gone. Even though I still felt as if I had a body. I could move and walk, and I was myself.”
He frowned, his face contorting as if he were thinking it over. “It could’ve been alack of oxygen to the brain. High levels of distress can lead to vivid experiences.”
“Then explain to me why you had one final patient before leaving Columbia-Presbyterian, and it was me. Tell me why, when I chose to live, the first person I saw when I opened my eyes in that hospital room was you? Tell me why you could’ve taken a job anywhere in the continental US, and you decided to come home and work in Nashville? And I could’ve stayed in New York at home, where most people recuperate from an event like this, but I traveled here, andyouwere the one on my case? Those are quite a few coincidences.”
His look drew inward, evidently making sense of this strange thing that had happened to her.
Then, Ava realized, when she’d heard “You’re not done yet,” it might be because she had to help Lucas understand … He didn’t believe. And this moment made clear that even though she did, she had a lot of learning to do. Having to explain the experience to Lucas had shown her the holes in her faith. What, exactly, did she believe? She was meant to go back to church as well. She needed to start her journey of faith.
“Lucas.” She leaned toward him. “When it’s our turn to go, it’s not up to us. It’s up to him.” She pointed to the ceiling. “I coded on that table. Everyone told me it was an absolute miracle that I survived. The other driver was in ICU, and I don’t know if he made it. But I’m sitting here with a few broken ribs, some stitches, and a bang on the head.”
She pushed herself into his view once more. “I was asked to find you because I was supposed to tell you that God wanted that man on the operating table to leave this world when he did. And I’m willing to bet that the man chose you specifically because he was led to. He had to haveyouto get where he was going. And let me tell you, the love there will blow you away. He’s in a better place than he was here.”
Tears spilled over Lucas’s lashes. He put his face in his hands and sobbed, big heaves of what seemed like relief—months of torment releasing into the air. Then, he pulled Ava to him and held her in his strong arms, the cotton of his shirt mixing with his familiar scent, and she melted into it. He held her as if she were keeping him alive, as if he’d crumble if he let go. She didn’t ever want to leave him.
Finally, he pulled back and searched her face. “Could this really be true?”
“I’m here to tell you that it is. We don’t see the why behind everything that happens, but the God I met made me feel like there are no mistakes. All he asks of us is that we show up and do the work.”
“You’re my angel,” he said, looking into her eyes.
Ava shook her head. “I’m not an angel. I’m just the messenger.”
Chapter Twenty
When Ava got home from Lucas’s, her mom came out of the office to greet her. “How was your visit?” She opened a kitchen drawer, retrieved a pack of matches, and lit an autumn spice candle for the evening.
“It was actually amazing,” Ava said, climbing onto the barstool at the counter across from her mother. She explained to her mom what Lucas had been through and how Ava’s near-death experience had changed his view of his circumstances. “I didn’t tell you, but I heard the voice again yesterday. It said, ‘You’re not done yet,’ and I didn’t understand it until I spoke to Lucas. I think I wasn’t done because I had to help him. The preacher said the other day we’re meant to be free so we could be of service to others. It was as if I was sent back to give Lucas a message.”
Her mom rubbed her arms. “I have goose bumps. Gosh. Could it bereal? I wanted to believe it, and I’d grown up knowing there was more, but this hits home for me.”
“Yes,” Ava agreed. “I know it seems fanciful. But I experienced it, and I’m telling you, we stick around.”
Her mom leaned on the counter, a dreamy new perspective floating over her face. “You’re sure you didn’t see anyone when you were up there?”
“I mean, I felt someone, and I heard the voice. It’s clear to me now that if I’d have seen Dad, I wouldn’t have come back. I’d have stayed with him, and you and I wouldn’t have had the time together that we’ve had. I also wouldn’t have been able to help Lucas. Maybe God kept Dad away on purpose.”
“Maybe so. I didn’t tell you that before your accident, I was really struggling. I went to the doctor for medication for depression. I felt so alone.”
“Oh, my gosh, Mom. I had no idea.”
“How could you have? I didn’t tell you.” She toyed with the candle, repositioning it. “I cried myself to sleep every night, and I didn’t know how I could go on one more day without your father. I’d used up all my strength over the years. And then, the next thing I knew, my daughter was fighting for her life. I was so scared my desperation would somehow keep you from coming back to me. Silly, I know.” Her eyes welled up.
Ava got down off the stool, went around to the other side of the counter, and hugged her mom. “I’m so sorry. I haven’t considered how much this accident has impactedyou.”
