Page 36 of Where Are You Now
Ava had been hoping for the connection with her dad.Her near-death experience had given her the illusion that she could reach him. And now she was pulling her mom into the fanciful idea. It was difficult to tell what was real and what wasn’t anymore.
The evening weatherwas so mild that Martha set the outside table for dinner. They’d made a pizza, and the fire was going. With the string lights on and stars overhead, along with the quiet swishing of the lake onto the shore, it felt magical.
Ava stared out at the water, lost in thought.
“It’s funny. I losttheposition at work, and I can’t talk to Dad about it. And Lucas wasn’t at therapy today. All in all, this might be one of the roughest days I’ve had, apart from the accident. But the lake has helped, I think.”
“I’m sorry your day didn’t go as you’d hoped,” her mother said, sliding a slice of pizza onto her plate. Her mother leaned back in her chair. “I hope Lucas is okay.”
“So do I. He’s so different, but there are these little moments and gestures that are the same.”
“An introspective demeanor usually only comes from having had to manage big life experiences. You learn to spend time with yourself and ponder things before you jump in.”
Was Ava lacking the life experiences required to give her a wider perspective? She was always quick to move, and she ran on her instincts. She rarely slept on any choice, so sure of her gut that she didn’t need to think long about her decisions. Was she naive in that idea? Well, if she was, she was dealing with enough to get perspective now.
“It takes good and bad experiences to build a person. That’s why we go through hard things. They slow us down, make us think, give us perspective.”
Then something occurred to Ava: What if Scott Strobel hadn’t stolen the promotion from her at all? She’d been so focused on the fresh perspective she had to offer, that she hadn’t stopped to consider the wealth of experience Scott brought to the table. Had McGregor chosen him over her, not because of her absence, but because of his knowledge?
Did she even want to have the position anymore? Work had barely crossed her mind since she’d been there. She’d been so focused on Lucas that she didn’t have time to think about what she wanted. She’d been so sure of herself until her mom had made that comment about life experience. What did she want? Who was she after the accident? Had she been changed too?
Chapter Eleven
That night, with a lot on her mind, Ava turned in early. She lay under her covers, staring at the wood-paneled ceiling, feeling alone. She had her mom, who was supportive, but Ava had always connected more with her dad. This was the first big moment in her adult life when she didn’t have answers, and he wasn’t there to help her through it.
She’d fully expected to catch a giant bass today and have proof that he was with her. Certainly, after her near-death experience, she’d have enough connection to heaven for him to get her a message. But he hadn’t. Had he forgotten her? She couldn’t shake the idea that she hadn’t made it to heaven. What if there was some unknown place for people like her—people who weren’t terrible, but hadn’t really focused on others and their spiritual lives like they should have? Was that possible?
If Ava were honest, before the accident, she’d spent a whole lot of time focusing on herself and no one else. She’d lost her husband over it. David had been kind; he’d lavished her with flowers and jewelry, and he’d dressedup nicely in a suit for her work functions. But she’d never spent the time to know him. He ticked the boxes but she’d been practically living with a stranger. When she’d married him, she’d thought she loved him, but looking back on it, they’d never had that unbreakable bond a good marriage needs.
In her defense, she didn’t know marriage was supposed to be anything special for two business-minded, working people. She’d just assumed her parents had a deeper affection for one another because they had more time in their schedules to develop it. But after one day with Lucas—even with his aloof behavior—Ava felt as if she knew him more than she ever knew David. She beat herself up for getting married in the first place. She should’ve known better.
Ava had used every minute of every day to propel herself in her career. And now, when she couldn’t move upward anymore, despite all her efforts, she didn’t know how to find motivation. What had she accomplished in her life apart from work? When it came to experiences, Ava had very few.
Her dad would have known how to get her through it.
And yet her mother’s words came back to her:It takes good and bad experiences to build a person. They slow us down, make us think, give us perspective.
Ava had definitely slowed down, and she was certainly thinking. But she didn’t quite have perspective yet. She was lost.
And then there was whatever Lucas was going through. She was really worried about him. Even though it had been years, his behavior hurt her. She wanted him to be able to trust her like he used to. They could lean on one another if he would let her in.
She wrestled with whether or not to contact him. She didn’t want to add to his problems, but she also felt a sense of loss for not being able to support him. It was before nine—still relatively early. Maybe she’d just call and say something to let him know she was there for him.
Ava rolled over and took her phone off the nightstand. She dialed his number and lay back, the phone to her ear.
“Hello. Lucas Phillips.”
The sound of his voice gave her a rush of happiness.
“Hey. It’s Ava.”
The line buzzed in the silence.
“I just wanted to call to say that … If you ever want to completely ignore your regular life and just hang out with the girl you knew once, I’m here.” No beating around the bush. She just told the truth.
“Ava …”
By the tone of that one word, he was gearing up to let her down.
