Page 65 of Meet Me at Christmas
You and I had different ideas of what your future would hold. I would’ve loved to see you settle down with Henry. He always made you so happy; you glowed whenever you were around him. I think he could make you happy. But I always let you go your own way, and when you wanted to go off to college and then travel the world, I was delighted to see you spread your wings. However, your short time in this world will be a blip—I can tell you that with absolute certainty now. I want to make sure your choices are based on your happiness. What lights your fire? You only get one shot at life. Above everything else, make sure you’ve got that one answer figured out.
I also know that when I get to the other side, you’ll want to talk to me the way you always used to. My silence will hit you and your mom the hardest. You’ll want my advice and I won’t be able to give it to you. Please know that I will do everything I can to come back to my family, because my version of heaven is with you, Lily, and your mother. No matter what, if it’s at all possible, I’ll be right there with you, and I’ll try my very best to let you know I’m there.
Love you.
Pop
The words blurred. Stella tore her eyes from the letter, blinking to focus, and looked around the room, wishing Pop would show her that he was, indeed, there, but she was met with silence. She held the letter to her chest, cradling it, yearning for him. She craved his attention, and she longed for one more minute with him to tell him how much she loved him.
She considered her life’s decisions, trying to assess if she’d made her choices based on how much happiness they’d brought her. As she reflected, she realized they’d brought her more relief than actual happiness. They’d given her a chance to shine when she wasn’t sure she could otherwise. But had they made herhappy? What did it mean to be happy anyway? She’d been able to travel, pay her bills, escape the sadness she’d pushed away for so long… She wasn’t sure she knew what might make her happy. Or at least, she didn’t want to admit it to herself, because what could make her the absolute happiest wasn’t available to her. Her anatomy wouldn’t allow it.
But there were other things, too, that would’ve made her happy. Lily being there was one. If she allowed herself to dream, she could imagine the perfect scenario. If she could do it all over again, and nothing went wrong, she’d have waited to marry Henry until Pop and Mama were with her. And Lily would have stood beside her like they’d planned as little girls. Mama and Pop would look on lovingly, and they’d all stuff their faces with cake while they laughed into the night. Then she and Lily would find two farmhouses right next to each other, and they’d raise their families—one big happy unit. Happily ever after.
Allowing the daydream caused a lump to form in Stella’s throat. Slowly, she folded the letter, placed it on the desk, and turned her focus back to her laptop. Channeling her father, she began anew on her final article before Christmas, deleting the old title and typing a different one:Is Happiness the Key to Everything?It certainly seemed to be helping Henry and Mr. Ferguson recover from their brain trauma.
As she worked, the article began to take shape, her fingers moving as quickly as they could to get her thoughts on the page. While she clicked the keys, she knew in the back of her mind she’d need to answer one question in order to finish:How does someone find that elusive happiness that seems to make everything better?She put her hand on the envelope Pop had left for her like a little gift from the beyond. Maybe, if she was lucky, Pop would show her the answer.
Twenty
After spending most of the next day at the library, finishing up her research for her second article, Stella walked along the hospital corridor on her way to Mr. Ferguson’s therapy session, but her mind was on everything else. Right then, she’d been thinking about the Christmas Diamond and whether or not she’d find the owner by the end of the holiday. She’d put it in the safe before heading out this morning and left another message with the claims desk at the airport. She was still trying to clear her mind enough to focus on work when she entered Mr. Ferguson’s room.
“Good afternoon,” he said happily.
She forced a smile through her haze of introspection. “Hi.”
The tiny squint of his eyes told her that her smile might not have been as convincing as she was trying to make it.
“Everything okay?” he asked, studying her.
“Yes, of course.” Stella took a seat at the back of the room and opened her laptop, but she could tell Mr. Ferguson wasn’t buying it. Thankfully, the therapist came in to distract him.
“Hello,” Ms. Barnes said. “How are we today?”
Mr. Ferguson brightened. “Lovely, and you?”
“Very well.” Ms. Barnes opened her small laptop and clicked a few keys. Then she nodded hello to Stella before turning her attention back to Mr. Ferguson. “Let’s go over some of the goals we set last time.”
“Sure.”
Mr. Ferguson rattled off a few things he’d been working on while Stella typed. The session went along easily, with Mr. Ferguson complying with the therapist’s requests and being absolutely delightful. By the end of the appointment, Stella had managed to get a full page of notes, which would help her finish the article. She’d been slow to finish this one, when she was usually able to come up with ideas in a flash. She wondered if the Hamburg trip might actually be helpful for her. It could help to clear her mind and get her back on track.
When they’d finished the session, Mr. Ferguson asked Stella to walk him out. He seemed pensive on their way to the elevator. “Your mind is heavy with something,” he said. “Want to tell an old man what’s bothering you?”
Stella shrugged lightheartedly, trying to play off her anxiety. But there was a friendliness about him that reminded her of Pop. “How long do you have?”
Mr. Ferguson laughed. “As long as the good Lord gives me.”
The best thing she could do for herself was to try to take her mind off everything for a little while. “Want to come over to my mother’s house?”
The sparkle in his eyes gave the answer before he’d even said yes, and she knew all he wanted was to be with people. “I’d love to. Let me call and cancel my ride.”
“Great. I’ll just text my mom to give her a heads up.”
She assisted Mr. Ferguson into her car and helped him fasten the seatbelt around his belly. After she put his walker in the back seat, they drove until the city gave way to rolling hills, horse pastures, and endless expanses still dotted in white from the snowfall. Mr. Ferguson spent the drive peering out the window while Stella tried to keep her mind empty of everything that weighed on her. It would be so easy to get on a plane and go to Germany early and start the next assignment. But she couldn’t leave Mama alone for the holiday. She breathed in the winter air, concentrated on releasing her shoulders, and tried to relax.
When they got home, Stella walked Mr. Ferguson to the door, helped him up the porch steps, and then set up his walker once they were inside. Mama had the fire going, and the tree was shining brightly, lifting Stella’s spirits.
“Jackson Cole called.” Mama’s voice sailed in from the other room after Stella latched the door shut.
